נז

Why do You hide Your face — forgetting our affliction and our oppression? [Psalms 44:25].

Hashem my G‑d — I shall exalt You; I shall praise Your Name, for You have done wondrous things; counsels from afar in faithfulness and truth [Isaiah 25:1].

For through Your abundant mercies You have chosen us from all the nations and exalted us above all tongues and sanctified us with Your commandments and brought us near, our King, to Your service — and You gave us, Hashem our G‑d, Your holy Torah: the Written Torah and the Oral Torah; and You commanded us to believe in Your true tzadikim and sages and to draw near to them and cleave to them and to fulfill their words — as all that comes from their mouth we shall do.

As it is written: You shall not deviate from the word that they tell you — right or left [Deuteronomy 17:11].

And therefore may it be Your will, Hashem our G‑d and G‑d of our fathers, G‑d of Avraham, G‑d of Yitzchak and G‑d of Yaakov — that You plant and fix Your holy faith in our hearts and in the heart of all Your people the House of Israel, and may You grant us merit to the faith in the sages [emunah b'chachamim] in the ultimate completeness in truth. And may we merit to truly believe in the true sages of holiness — and to draw near to them and to cling to the dust of their feet and to drink in their words with thirst, and to go in all the way that they guide us, and not to deviate from their words right or left. And may You save me from opposition [hitnaggdus] — that there be found in me and in my offspring and in all the offspring of Your people the House of Israel no aspect of opposition to any true sage of holiness; nor against any upright person in the world. How much more so may I not disgrace them, G‑d forbid — rather may I merit to fulfill the words of the true tzadikim and sages, and to hold fast to their ways and to believe in them with complete faith in truth. And all that I blemished in faith in the sages from my youth until this very day — and I belittled their honor; and through this I blemished the entirety of Your holy Torah which was all transmitted into the hands of the true sages to expound it according to all their desires; and through this I blemished the holy angels created by the word of Hashem through the letters of the holy Torah; and I transgressed the prohibition of lo tasur [do not deviate]; and I removed the power of the hands from the holy angels — which are the right hand and the left hand through which the angels would receive the Divine flow from above and would bestow it upon all the grasses and all the things in the world. And through the blemish of faith in the sages — the hands of the angels were withdrawn, until they have no power to receive and to bestow; and through this it is impossible to receive healing, and we caused, G‑d forbid, a plague that is not written in the Torah — a plague for which there is no healing. Please, Hashem, through Your abundant mercies — forgive and pardon and atone for me and for all Your people the House of Israel for all these blemishes that we blemished in the faith of the holy sages.

For You know the hidden things of our heart — for not out of rebellion and treachery did we blemish in this; rather only due to the confusion of our minds and the smallness of our knowledge. Please, Hashem — grant us merit from now through Your mercies to repair all this; in such a manner that we merit from now to the faith in the sages in the ultimate completeness in truth as Your good will desires. For You know, Hashem our G‑d, the immensity of our weakness at this time — and we have no support except upon the true sages and tzadikim. Therefore grant us merit to believe in all the true sages and tzadikim and upright ones — and not to speak any word against their honor, G‑d forbid; and not to disgrace any Jewish person in the world. Have compassion and be gracious to us and have pity please upon us — and guard our tongue from evil and our lips from speaking deceit. And help us and save us that we merit to raise up the fallen faith — and may we merit to repair the faith in the sages in completeness in truth; and through this may You return and give the power of the hands to the holy angels to receive and to bestow upon all the grasses and all the things in the world; and may You send complete healing for all our afflictions in body and soul in the physical and the spiritual. Heal us, Hashem, and we shall be healed — save us and we shall be saved, for You are our praise.

And therefore help me through Your abundant mercies that I merit to sanctify myself with Your supernal holiness — and may You bring me speedily to holiness and separation [kedushah u'ferishus] in truth; and may I merit to hold fast to the ways of our holy fathers: to vow vows and to fulfill them immediately for the sake of Your good will — in order to merit through the vows to holiness and separation in truth.

And may I merit to ascend to the place of the vow [makom haneder] — which is wonders of wisdom [pelios chochmah]; and through this may You help me to recognize the greatness and holiness of the true sages; until I merit to the faith in the sages in completeness; and through this may You grant me merit to ascend and be absorbed in the light of the Avos — and may the light of the Avos, Avraham, Yitzchak and Yaakov, glitter within me.

And therefore may it be Your will, Hashem my G‑d and G‑d of my fathers — that You help me and save me and grant me merit to the delight of Shabbos [oneg Shabbos] in completeness in truth. And may I merit to receive each Shabbos in great holiness and joy and gladness and very great and immense exultation.

And to delight in Hashem on the holy Shabbos with all manner of delight — and to multiply in the Shabbos feast with all manner of delicacies in holiness and great exultation; and may I have no irritability at all over the expenses of Shabbos and holy days. You set a table before me in the presence of my tormentors — You have anointed my head with oil; my cup overflows [Psalms 23:5].

And may You be gracious to me from Yourself through Your abundant mercies — and help me and save me and grant me merit speedily to holy eating in the aspect of the delight of Shabbos [achilas dikdushah biv'chinas oneg Shabbos]; so that my eating always be in great holiness in the aspect of the delight of Shabbos. And through this may I merit through Your mercies to humble and subjugate and shatter and nullify all the haters and enemies — to silence enemy and avenger; and all those who rise against us for evil may they all bow and fall; and may You frustrate their counsel and overturn their thoughts speedily. And may You grant me merit to truly know how to conduct myself in the matters of fasting [ta'aniyos] — for I do not know at all how to conduct myself in this; except that upon You alone I rely in truth; that You guide me in Your truth and teach me how to conduct myself in the matters of fasting — and as Your will I shall do.

And therefore have compassion upon me, my Father — the Compassionate Father; good and doing good for all; and help me and save me that I merit speedily to shatter and nullify the attribute of anger [midas haka'as] from me.

And may You save me from anger and from cruelty and from irritability — and may I never become angry and never be irritable over any thing and over any person in the world; rather may I merit through Your mercies to be good and to do good to all.

And through this may You save me through Your abundant mercies from all manner of haters and accusers — that they have no power at all to denounce or accuse against me.

Master of the Universe — save me from the hand of my enemies and my pursuers. Save me please from the hand of my brother, from the hand of Esau — for I fear him lest he come and strike me, mother with children.

And You have said: I will surely do good with you and I will make your offspring like the sand of the sea which cannot be counted for multitude [Genesis 32:12]. Have compassion upon me according to Your abundant mercies — have compassion upon my very wretched soul, which is very weary and very exhausted; from which all escape has been lost; there is no one who inquires after my soul.

For You know how many haters and enemies and accusers stand against us at every time. And behold I confess and admit that I myself am the guilty one — and I myself caused all this upon myself; and I stirred them through my evil deeds and my sins and my iniquities and my very immense transgressions.

And not only was this not sufficient for me — but I added sin upon transgression; and I was not careful and did not guard myself from the evil fire of anger; until the fire of anger burned within me very many times without number. And through the great iniquity of anger I stirred up the accuser and the great hater who is Esau the hairy man — and through him were stirred up very many accusers and denouncers and haters against us; until the haters and the enemies multiplied very greatly; until I do not know at all what to do and I know not where to flee from before them; for many rise against me — very many; and they opened their mouth without limit.

They opened their mouth against us; they said — we have swallowed them. Who will give me a wing like a dove that I may fly and alight [Psalms 55:7].

Behold I would wander far off — I would lodge in the wilderness forever [Psalms 55:8]. I would hasten my escape from the rushing wind and storm [Psalms 55:9]. My heart cried out to Hashem — give me no respite, let not the pupil of my eye be still.

Master of the Universe — I have already arranged many supplications and requests; and I have already set forth all my conversation before You — all that my hand has found to speak.

And although in truth, according to the immensity of my very many blemishes, I have not yet begun to speak at all — but I do not know at all how much more to speak; and I have no other strategy or hope except prayer and supplication.

Help me, for upon You I have leaned; draw near to my soul — redeem it; for the sake of my enemies, redeem me [Psalms 69:19].

Hashem — guide me in Your righteousness; for the sake of my watchful enemies, make Your way straight before me [Psalms 5:9].

Have compassion and pity upon me, full of mercy; have compassion and mercy upon me, full of lovingkindness, full of goodness, full of favor — may Your innards stir and Your mercies grow warm over me; over one pursued as I am; over one lacking wisdom and lacking counsel as I am.

Save me, my Lord the King!

Save me, full of salvations and rescues!

Do what You shall do in Your great mercies — in such a manner that I merit to return to You in truth and with a complete heart.

And rebuke all the accusers and prosecuting angels [mastinim and m'katr'gim] against me — and save me from the hand of all my enemies and my pursuers; and rescue my soul from the hand of all manner of haters and enemies in the physical and the spiritual.

Master of the Universe — You know all my heart. What shall I say before You Who dwell on high; and what shall I recount before You Who reside in the heavens? Behold — You know all the hidden things and the revealed things. You know the mysteries of the world and the hidden things of all the living — You search all the chambers of the belly and examine the kidneys and the heart; nothing is hidden from You and nothing is concealed from before Your eyes. Good and doing good for all — satisfy me from Your goodness and grant me merit to be good to all.

And may You forgive and pardon and atone for me for all the sins and iniquities and transgressions — and for all the blemishes and corruptions that I caused through the iniquity of anger. And have compassion upon me from now and have pity upon me with Your great compassion — and do good to me from Your true goodness; and may You be with me always. And save me from now from anger and from irritability — that I never become angry and never be irritable even in my heart over any person and over any thing in the world; and may I never come to anger and irritability forever. And illuminate upon me with the light of Your face — and may You command through Your mercies to restore to me the holy intellect [mochin dikdushah] that was withdrawn from me through the iniquity of anger; and may You draw upon me the image of G‑d [tzelem Elokim] — the light of the countenance of the living King. And may You be gracious to me from Yourself as a free gift — and pour upon me the flow of wisdom, understanding and holy da'as; until I merit to the illumination of the holy countenance.

And may You grant me merit that my eating always be in great holiness in the aspect of the delight of Shabbos — until the Sitra Achra has no portion at all from my eating. And may I merit to humble the liver before the brain [l'hachnia' hakaved lifnei hamoach] — and may the brain and the holy intellect prevail over the angry liver; and may there be no dominion or rule over the liver at all; rather may all the dominion and rule be the brain of mine. Until I merit that the image of G‑d illuminate upon my face — and may I merit to be within the boundaries of the holy human. And help me and save me to humble and shatter and nullify from me the attribute of animalism [midas habhemiyus] — and may I merit to go out from animal to human [mibhemah l'adam]; until through this my awe shall be upon all the beasts of the earth and upon all the haters. As it is written: And the fear of you and the dread of you shall be upon every beast of the earth [Genesis 9:2].

And may You drive from before us all the enemies and all the haters in the world — and may You fulfill in us the verse: And I shall pound his adversaries before him and smite those who hate him [Psalms 89:24]. Illuminate Your face upon Your servant — save me in Your lovingkindness [Psalms 119:135]. Make Your face shine upon Your servant — and teach me Your statutes [Psalms 31:17]. And may You grant me merit through Your abundant mercies to greatly multiply in charity [tz'dakah] — and may I merit to scatter charity abundantly to many fitting poor people; and through this may peace multiply in the world. And may we merit to peace in completeness in truth — a peace that has a mouth and speech; that there be peace between a person and his fellow; and may they speak together in love and peace words of truth and righteousness; and may each one stir his fellow to Your service and to Your reverence.

And may You speedily and swiftly redeem us and bring us our righteous Mashiach — and may You humble and shatter and cast down and destroy the power of the kingdom of Aram [Edom] — falling after falling; and may they fall and not rise; they shall kneel and fall while we rise and stand upright; and Israel shall dwell securely in solitude. And may You place peace among all Your people Israel forever — and may it be good in Your eyes to bless us and to bless all Your people Israel at every time and at every hour with Your good peace. And may the verse be fulfilled: Great peace have those who love Your Torah — and there is no stumbling for them [Psalms 119:165]. May there be peace within your ramparts — tranquility within your palaces [Psalms 122:7]. And all your children shall be taught of Hashem — and great shall be the peace of your children [Isaiah 54:13].

For the sake of my brothers and my companions — I shall now speak: peace be within you [Psalms 122:8]. For the sake of the house of Hashem our G‑d — I shall seek good for you [Psalms 122:9]. Hashem shall give strength to His people — Hashem shall bless His people with peace [Psalms 29:11]. May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable before You — Hashem, my Rock and my Redeemer [Psalms 19:15]. And may the pulse return and proceed and move through all the limbs in order — and in particular through the hands. Until my hands be thereby rectified and purified.

And may I speedily merit to repair the blemish of the hands — all that I blemished with my hands from my youth until this very day. Until I merit to raise and to lift my hands to Hashem — G‑d Most High, Possessor of heaven and earth. And may I merit to fulfill the verse: Let us lift up our heart with our hands to G‑d in heaven [Lamentations 3:41]. And grant me merit to always be in joy — and may no sadness or black bile come upon me at all. And may I merit to holiness and purity in truth — and to ascend each time from level to level in great holiness.

Until I merit through the power of the true tzadikim — to receive words from Heaven. And may I merit to know and to understand and to attain the holy dispute [machloket dikdushah] — to know that in truth this is no dispute at all; rather great love and fraternity and fellowship and peace; for these and these are words of the Living G‑d. And may You make known to me Your ways — and grant me merit to increasingly draw near and cleave to the true tzadikim whose ruling is normative everywhere. Our Father, our King — You know that it is impossible for me to set forth my speech before You in completeness in any manner. You know all that I have lost until now through my many iniquities.

Full of mercy — say “enough” to my troubles! Have compassion upon me with Your great compassion. Grant me please speedily to complete repentance before You — and give me my livelihood from You before I need it; and save me from debts and loans. Master of the Universe — save me from the sadness of the hands [itzavon yadayim]! Save me please from the burden of the livelihood!

Comfort us please in the merit of the true tzadikim. And may You bring us our righteous Mashiach. And may the verse be fulfilled: This one shall comfort us from our work and from the sadness of our hands [Genesis 5:29]. Help us! Help us!

Be gracious to us! Be gracious to us! Turn toward us and save us — and do not hide Your face from us. Turn to me and be gracious to me — give Your strength to Your servant; and save the son of Your handmaid [Psalms 86:16]. Perform for me a sign for good — and may my enemies see and be ashamed; for You, Hashem, have helped me and comforted me [Psalms 86:17]. Amen and Amen.