פב

In Hashem I have taken refuge — how can you say to my soul: flee to your mountain like a bird? [ Psalms 11:1 ]. Master of the Universe: I have been wakeful and I have been as a sparrow alone on a rooftop [ Psalms 102:8 ]; I have not found rest; and I have not been quiet; and I have not been still; and agitation came [ Job 3:26 ]. Therefore I have come to fall my supplication before You — Hashem my G‑d and G‑d of my fathers: have mercy upon me for Your Name's sake; and help me and save me; and grant me merit to serve You day and night with all my heart and with all my soul — with both my inclinations [ bishnei yetzarai ] — in truth. And raise me up speedily from impurity to purity; from the profane to the holy; from the six weekdays to the holy Shabbos; and may there be no deceit in my spirit at all; and may I not return to folly ever again. And even if I have multiplied guilt — until my sins are beyond measure and beyond counting; and have weighed heavily upon me until I cannot lift my head; and even though it is my own fault — for I have stumbled in this more than once; even so: have mercy upon me for Your Name's sake; and have mercy upon the honor of Your great and holy Name that is called upon me; for Your Name is called upon me — and I am disgracing it through my evil deeds. And have mercy upon me for the sake of Moshe Rabbeinu — peace be upon him — and in his great and holy merit; and in the merit of all the true holy tzadikim of every generation: and help me always to strengthen myself in Your service; and to always surrender my soul for the sake of the holy people of Israel — in truth always. And guard me through Your abundant mercies; and grant me merit — that from my side there shall be no delay in the coming of Mashiach; for You know that the delay of the redemption causes very great suffering; and all the trouble is only on account of us and our sins. And therefore have mercy upon us and help us and save us; and return us speedily to Your service and to the service of the true tzadikim ; and may the verse be fulfilled in us: Return us, Hashem , to You — and we shall return; renew our days as of old [ Lamentations 5:21 ]. My soul thirsts for G‑d — for the living G‑d; when shall I come and appear before G‑d? [ Psalms 42:3 ]. Master of the Universe — full of mercy: have mercy upon me; and help me and save me that I study Your holy Torah with great speed and without any confusion at all. And therefore grant me merit through Your abundant mercies; and teach me and instruct me at every time — how to pour out my words before You properly; and how to converse with You; and how to speak before You and to pray before You with truth and with the outpouring of the soul [ shefichas ha'nefesh ]. For I am like one dying of thirst for Your great Name; and I desire and yearn and long to draw close to You in truth. Wait for G‑d — be strong and let your heart take courage; and wait for Hashem [ Psalms 27:14 ]. Save me O G‑d of my salvation — for You I have hoped all the day [ Psalms 25:5 ]. And therefore have mercy upon me — O full of mercy; and grant me merit to the attribute of true and complete trust [ midas ha'bitachon be'emes biShelemut ] — to trust in You completely at every time and in every matter; and may my trust in You always be true and whole; and may I attain through the trust: joy and gladness and delight — always and at every time; until I merit to all the salvations and all the great and wondrous repairs that come through true and complete trust; and may I merit to draw myself and all of Your people the House of Israel to complete and true trust in You — from now and forever. Amen Selah. I have strayed like a lost sheep — seek Your servant; for I have not forgotten Your commandments [ Psalms 119:176 ]. Master of the Universe — I have strayed like a lost sheep; and I have wandered and erred greatly from the path of truth; and I do not know what to do. And You know the immensity of my straying and my wandering and my errors; and You know how far I have fallen from holiness; and You know all my needs. And therefore have mercy upon me for Your Name's sake; and help me and save me in Your great mercy; and act with me in Your wondrous ways; and deal with me only as Your great mercy demands. And may I merit to strengthen myself in Your service at every time; and to do Your will with all my heart; and to pray before You at every time with all my heart; and not to despair at all of Your mercy — whatever happens and however things may be; and always to strengthen myself before You — always; and to not cease from prayer and supplication before You under any circumstances whatsoever. And may I merit through Your great mercy to return to You in truth and whole repentance [ teshuvah sheleimah ] always and to do Your will truly. Your lovingkindness, Hashem — fills the earth; teach me Your statutes [ Psalms 119:64 ]. Hashem — Hashem — G‑d; merciful and gracious; slow to anger and abundant in lovingkindness and truth [ Exodus 34:6 ]. Grant me merit through Your abundant mercies to subdue my anger completely; and to be always slow to anger [ erech apayim ] in all circumstances; and never to be angry at all — not at people and not at circumstances; and may my heart always be at rest from anger. And may I merit through subduing anger to go speedily to the Land of Israel; and to behold the beauty of it: beautiful in situation — the joy of all the earth — Mount Zion ; the city of our G‑d — His holy mountain [ Psalms 48:3 ].

Please Hashem — merciful One full of mercy; gracious One full of grace; good One full of goodness: help me and save me and strengthen me and embolden me to rise from level to level [ madregah b'kedushah u'vtaharah gedolah ] — in great holiness and purity as Your good will desires. And grant me merit through the holiness of the Land of Israel to shatter the attribute of anger completely; and to merit through the shattering of anger to serve You always in great joy; and to do Your will in great joy — and through this to go speedily to the Land of Israel; and through the holiness of the Land of Israel to rise always from level to level in holiness; and to do everything in Torah and in the commandments with all my heart — and I shall succeed. Please — full of mercy; Who gives strength to the weary and to him who has no might He increases power [ Isaiah 40:29 ]: You alone know the weakness and the feebleness and the falling of this generation; and the great smallness of our minds; and how far each and every one is from Your service — both in Torah and in prayer and in repentance. And therefore have mercy upon us; and strengthen us and embolden us in Your service; and may Hashem our G‑d be with us and not abandon us; and He goes with us to fight our battles — to save us [ Deuteronomy 20:4 ]. Master of the Universe: strengthen the feeble hands and make firm the faltering knees [ Isaiah 35:3 ]; do not abandon me and do not forsake me; and give me strength to serve You — no matter what; and strengthen me and embolden me and always make me bold before You — whether I am high or low; whether I am near or far; whatever my situation may be. Be strong and let your heart take courage — all you who hope in Hashem [ Psalms 31:25 ]. May it be Your will — Hashem my G‑d and G‑d of my fathers: that You help me and grant me merit in the holy month of Elul to always strengthen myself in Your service — through joy; and to always do great cheshbon ha'nefesh [personal accounting of the soul] before You; and to return to You in complete and true repentance in this holy and awesome month; and to fix myself in all matters of holiness — according to Your good will. And strengthen me in this always; and may all my words and all my thoughts and all my intentions and all my deeds be directed to You — in the holy month of Elul. And you shall love Hashem your G‑d with all your heart and with all your soul — for the sake of your life [ Deuteronomy 30:6 ]. Our Father our King — living G‑d our Portion and our Rock: command to rescue the soul of our beloved from destruction [ Psalms 35:17 ]; and rescue us from all manner of destruction and annihilation and sickness and illness — of body and of soul; and protect and guard all the seed of Your people the House of Israel from now and forever. Amen Selah. Open for me the gates of righteousness — I shall enter them and give thanks to G‑d [ Psalms 118:19 ]. Open the gates — that a righteous nation, keeper of faith, may enter [ Isaiah 26:2 ]. Master of the Universe: have mercy upon me and open for me always the gates of righteousness and holiness and prayer; and let there be no closing or locking of the gates before me at any time — so that I can always pray before You and pour out my heart before You at every time; and may the other side [ sitra achra ] not be able to conceal the truth and lock the gate — G‑d forbid. Master of the Universe: You know all that the dispute [ machlokes ] has caused in the world. And already many souls have been lost because of it. Therefore have mercy upon us; and rescue us and save us from all manner of dispute and quarrel; and may we not touch dispute at all; so that the soul within us may receive benefit from the true tzadikim — forever. Master of the Universe — Hashem G‑d of truth; Who tests hearts and minds [ Psalms 7:10 ]: You know the hidden recesses of my heart; and You know how much I yearn and long to draw close to You in truth; and You know how difficult it is for me — because of the great weight and multitude of my sins and my distance from holiness. And I cast myself before You; and You Who are full of mercy — deal with me in the way of Your great mercy; and save me and help me; and deal with me only according to the immensity of Your mercy; and help me to strengthen myself in the service of the true tzadikim ; and help me to always pray and seek Your face; until I merit to know and to recognize You in truth always. May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable before You — Hashem , my Rock and my Redeemer. To You, Hashem — I lift up my soul [ Psalms 25:1 ]. Master of the Universe: grant me merit through Your mercies to surrender my soul for the sake of the sanctification of Your Name; and may this surrender of my soul always be complete and true; and may it never be a surrender of the soul before the proper time — G‑d forbid; for You know that this is not Your will — to remove the soul before its time — G‑d forbid. Master of the Universe — full of mercy; Master of all; Holy above all the holies: You know — O Knower of all secrets: how very much I need to draw close to You and to the true tzadikim ; and how very much I need their help and their prayers and their holy counsel; until I merit to draw close to You in truth and to serve You in truth — that I may bless Hashem our G‑d and not enter before You in shame [ v'lo nei'ul b'kissufa kamakh ].

And even if through our many iniquities and our great transgressions — there is no power in the surrender of our souls and in our prayers and in our confessions to repair all the blemishes that we have blemished; even so — do not despair of us; and deal with us in the attribute of Your great mercy; and help us and save us and gather all the sparks and raise them all up to their root; and repair all the holy Names that we have blemished through our many sins; and bring the redemption and rebuild the Temple speedily — in our days. Blessed is He Who sanctifies His Name among the multitudes. At midnight I rise to give thanks to You for Your righteous judgments [ Psalms 119:62 ]. Full of mercy — Who rouses [ ha'me'oreir ] the dawn: have mercy upon me and help me and save me — that I merit to always rise at midnight to study Torah and to pray before You with great devotion; and that my rising at midnight should truly become like the rising of dawn itself. Awake my glory — awake O lute and harp; I will awaken the dawn [ Psalms 57:9 ]. Master of the Universe: You have warned us with many warnings to always rise at midnight [ chatzos laylah ]; for one who rises at midnight — the Holy One Blessed be He and all the heavenly hosts listen to his voice and the Divine Presence speaks with him. And I — in my great distance — have greatly prolonged the exile through my many sins — both in general and in particular. Woe is me — woe is me — what shall I say; what shall I speak; how shall I justify myself? Behold I am before You with great shame and great embarrassment — for all that I have done. But I have not despaired of Your mercy; and I always hope and trust in You; and always I seek and search for an opening to return to You; and I come before You now to pour out my heart; and to be strengthened again — as from the very beginning — to rise at midnight and to call out to You in great outcry. May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable before You — Hashem , my Rock and my Redeemer. Amen and Amen. I will give great thanks to Hashem with my mouth; and in the midst of many I will praise Him. For He stands at the right hand of the needy [ Psalms 109:30–31 ]. Master of the Universe — full of mercy: have mercy upon me and help me and save me; and may I not be dulled of heart at all through sadness and black bile [ marah shechorah ]. Therefore I have come before You — full of mercy; Master of joy and exultation: that You have mercy upon me and help me always — even the lowest of the low and the worst of the worst among Israel. Master of all worlds — Master of wonders; our Father — compassionate Father; in Whose place is strength and joy [ I Chronicles 16:27 ]: have mercy upon me and save me and help me — that I merit to serve You with great joy always; and to sing and to make music and to praise and to extol Your great and holy Name always; and to always give thanks to You for Your great goodness; and to always know the goodness and the expansions [ ha'tovos v'ha'richuvos ] that You pour upon me every single day. And have mercy upon me and save me and repair all the holy Names that I have blemished through Your great Name. Master of the Universe — Master of the Universe: who shall place in my mouth the words to speak now; to explain now the great distance and the great fall and the great confusion and the great poverty of spirit that I suffer; for it is very deep and very bitter and the voice of weeping and bitterness is very great. And even so — I do not despair of Your mercy; and I always hope in You; and I always search for a path before You; and I cast myself before You. And have mercy upon me for Your Name's sake; and save me and help me in all things always. And may I always be in joy before You — without any sadness and without any bitterness at all. And may I merit to always thank You and to praise You; and may I go from strength to strength and attain always the level of giving thanks; until the verse be fulfilled: And joy and gladness shall be found in it — thanksgiving and the voice of song [ Isaiah 51:3 ]. Amen and Amen. I will praise Hashem while I live — I will make music to my G‑d while I yet exist [ Psalms 146:2 ]. Master of the Universe: do with us as the attribute of Your great mercy demands; and may I merit to return in complete and true repentance from now — in any event. Master of the Universe — Who desires lovingkindness; full of mercy; Who looks upon the wicked one and desires his betterment: and may I merit to fulfill the verse in truth: I will make music to my G‑d while I yet exist [ Psalms 146:2 ]. Master of the Universe: You know that I have no vitality or strength or hope or opening except through the true holy tzadikim ; and through this I still have some vitality always. And therefore have mercy upon me; and strengthen me and embolden me and help me and save me; and draw me close to the true holy tzadikim ; and grant me merit in their power and in their merit to return in complete and true repentance — and to always be in joy.

And grant me merit through Your abundant mercies to always judge every person favorably; and may I merit to always find some merit and some good point in every single person of Israel — even in the lowest of the low; and in their merit and power grant us merit to also attain this in truth. And grant us merit to draw close to these true tzadikim [ ha'tzadikim ha'amitiyim ha'eilu ] who engage in this always; and who always search for and find the merit and the good point in every Jew; and in their great merit and their great holiness — grant us merit also to return to You in complete and true repentance before You — from now and forever. And therefore have mercy upon us and upon our children and upon all the seed of Your people the House of Israel; and send help and strength and holy courage to all of Israel always; and may they all be in joy and in gladness and in great exultation always; and send them great and wondrous salvations always; and grant us merit that we and our children and all the seed of Israel merit to serve You in truth all the days of their lives forever. Master of the Universe — full of mercy; Knower of hidden things: grant us merit to act upon what we ask before You; and fulfill our requests for good with mercy. Master of all worlds: grant me merit to enter into true merit [ lechadar zechut ] — in such a manner that I merit to judge all of Israel favorably; and to find in each and every one of them good points without measure; until through all these good points they shall all return to You in complete repentance. And also the wicked ones — the sinners of Israel — shall return speedily to You. Bless Hashem O my soul — Halleluyah [ Psalms 104:35 ]. May it be Your will — Hashem my G‑d and G‑d of my fathers: that You grant me merit to attach myself always to Moshe Rabbeinu — peace be upon him; and to cling to the true holy tzadikim who are rooted in Moshe Rabbeinu — peace be upon him. And may I always merit to receive the illumination of his great and awesome holiness; and to always be drawn from his holy Torah and his awesome holiness; and to merit through the power of the true tzadikim — who are his branches and the extensions of his soul — to return to You in complete and true repentance; and to serve You in truth with all my heart and with all my soul. And through this may I merit to draw from all the holy Torah of the true tzadikim ; and to be always attached and bound to the true Torah. And in their merit may I merit to go from level to level until I attain the level of Moshe Rabbeinu — peace be upon him; and to attain through all this to behold the pleasantness of Hashem and to visit in His Sanctuary — from now and forever. Amen Selah. Good and beneficent to all — Who created the world in order to reveal Your goodness and Your compassion; and Who brought Israel out of Egypt with great wonders and signs in order to reveal Your goodness to all the worlds; and in that great goodness You acted with us at every time with immense and limitless goodness; until this great goodness of Yours spread to all the worlds. And we know and believe with complete faith that at every time and in every moment You are doing with us great and wondrous goodness — above and beyond the goodness of our previous days. And You always shower upon us new goodness — above and beyond all the goodnesses of all previous days; for Your goodness is immense and has no limit and no end. And in Your great and wondrous goodness You bring down to us new revelations of Godliness [ giluyim chadashim shel Elokus ] at every time; and through this new goodness You reveal Yourself to us in ever-new ways. And in Your goodness You sustain always — and all exists through Your goodness; and all the worlds were created only through Your goodness; and through Your goodness You breathe new life into creation always; and in Your great goodness You remove and annul all harsh judgments and all condemnations from Israel always. And from Your goodness flows forth all the blessing and all the dew and all the rains and all the sustenance and livelihood of the whole world; and through Your goodness it is impossible for any hold of judgment to take effect at all — and who can comprehend the ways of Your wonders? And therefore — in the power of Your supernal and true goodness; and in the power of the great holy tzadikim who drew close to You and attained a perception of Your great goodness; and in whose power and merit we stand: please answer me — Hashem — and may I not be lost; perhaps You shall be gracious; perhaps You shall have mercy [ Jonah 3:9 ]. Master of the Universe — Master of the Universe — Master of the Universe: teach me now what to say; for I am very broken and confused and crushed and shattered; and there is great agitation and very great turmoil in my mind; and the troubles of my heart have expanded — very very greatly — without measure. Help me and save me and grant me merit to be a great stubborn one [ akshan gadol ] in the service of Hashem ; and may no fall and no distance and no lowliness ever cause me to weaken and to stop — G‑d forbid; but rather: always and in all circumstances — I shall strengthen myself in You and in Your service; and I shall not despair at all — whatever happens; and I shall not be ashamed and not be embarrassed at all from any person in the world; but rather — even if I have fallen a thousand times — I shall strengthen myself each time and stand up and begin again; and I shall always go to the true holy tzadikim ; and I shall pour out my heart before You; and I shall trust in You — that You will save me and rescue me from all things; and I shall not despair — ever. And have mercy upon me and save me and grant me merit to always find favor in Your eyes and in the eyes of all who see me; and to always be joyful before You; and to always accustom myself to Your Torah and Your service in truth — in joy. Full of mercy: bring it about that we walk in Your statutes and keep Your judgments and fulfill them [ Ezekiel 36:27 ]; and grant us merit that we sanctify Your Name in the world — as is truly fitting. May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable before You — Hashem , my Rock and my Redeemer.