אות-יג

All beginnings are difficult, as our Sages of blessed memory said — particularly regarding teshuvah. For it is impossible to truly become aroused to teshuvah except through the light of Hashem sparkling within him so that he is aroused to return. Yet it is impossible for His light to shine upon him except when he returns in teshuvah, for: "no stranger shall eat of the holy" [Leviticus 22:10]. So where does the beginning come from? And sometimes when Hashem, may He be blessed, has mercy on him and shines His light into the very depths of his darkness and great fall in order to arouse him to teshuvah — yet he cannot receive this light, for according to the very extent of his shatteredness into fragments through his evil deeds, everything appears to him as excessive light. And from this comes the fact that sometimes a person is aroused to teshuvah for some time and afterward falls from it — and so it happens several times. And all of this is because he has not yet repaired his vessels to receive the awakening properly. This is particular but also general — for the community of Israel has this aspect as well, which is the aspect of all the exiles and redemptions and returning to exile, several times. But even so: "the right hand of Hashem is raised" — and His hand is always on top. For even from each aspect of redemption and each time Israel were in the Land of Israel, wonderful tikunim were made. And even though afterward the Ba'al Davar provoked and they returned and corrupted — even so many impressions remained from the above tikunim, and through this power we live in exile and have power to receive some sparkling of the knowledge of His divinity and His holy faith. And likewise exactly is it with every time and every person — even if one begins countless times in the service of Hashem and falls from it each time, even if the fall is very great, G-d have mercy — even if one falls to actual transgressions, G-d have mercy — even so, every good beginning that one made is never lost forever. Know and believe with complete faith that no good thing and no easy service is ever lost forever — and even a general awakening and a good thought is never lost, as is brought in the holy Zohar: leis re'uta tava d'is'abed. For the moment one is aroused with any awakening — and all the more so when one does any holy act — the true Tzadik of each generation who engages in the tikun of Jewish souls immediately seizes it and brings it to where he brings it, toward the wonderful and awesome structure he is building, to bring therein all the scattered ones of the world so that not one should remain outside. For when a person draws close to holiness even just in the aspect of proximity — like a neighbor who lives near a homeowner just temporarily — even through this the holy houses of prayer multiply enormously beyond measure, and great divine pleasures are made above. Even if afterward he distances himself, G-d forbid — like the neighbor who afterward leaves the homeowner's house and distances from him. As we see tangibly: when there are nine men even if they are all great Tzadikim, they still cannot say matters of sanctity — Barchu or Kaddish or Kedushah. But when one man comes to them — even the most lowly person from the street — he is joined to make a quorum of ten [minyan], and through him the sanctity is completed. Even though immediately afterward he went off back to the street — even so, how many divine delights he brought Hashem, may He be blessed! For the entire sanctification was completed through him. Therefore whatever a person does in the service of Hashem — even if afterward what happened happened, G-d forbid — even so that act is never lost forever and has already been joined to the wonderful structure and caused great tikun. And if he strengthens himself each time all the days of his life to begin anew in His service, however things may be — then ultimately all those tikunim he caused through each service and each beginning will all gather together to help him return to Hashem truly. "And though its beginning was small, its end shall greatly increase" [Job 8:7]. And then he will see what he accomplished through every holy act — for nothing is ever lost. (ibid., Ois 65–69, 82–83, 87) And if you are very, very far from Him, may He be blessed, and it seems to you that you transgress against Him, may He be blessed, at every moment — know that such a person who is so material: every single movement by which he detaches himself little by little from his materiality toward Him, may He be blessed — even a small movement, even a minor gesture by which he draws himself from his materiality toward Him — it is very, very great and precious before Him, may He be blessed, and he traverses thousands upon thousands of parsa'os [miles] in the upper worlds through this.