"After All This — I Have No Regrets" — Rabbainu's Promise; Yearning for Eretz Yisrael

[Yiddish:] "What shall I say to you — it is so oppressive on my heart — and I have no one to pour it out to. Believe me — tears stand in my eyes now as I write to you. And I have no one to revive myself with — for each one is occupied with his own bundle of troubles. Only one thing gives me life: that I merited to complete the longing and to be at the holy Tzion. But believe me — my mind is so confused and my heart so twisted — that I have no idea at all where I am — and I have no idea how to pour out my heart to Rabbainu. Only my hope — the promise 'that he will come to my grave' ['שיבא על קברי' — Rabbainu's famous promise to his Chassidim: 'Whoever comes to my grave and says the ten psalms of the Tikkun HaKlali — I will pull him out from the depths of Gehinnom, even if he has sinned greatly.' Stated explicitly by Rabbainu before his death; the anchor promise of the entire Breslov relationship with Uman] — etc. With that faith I give myself life. But when the sufferings of the test come — one forgets everything. And I have no one to comfort me — to revive me. I would need my friends from Eretz Yisrael — R' Alter Ben Tzion, Yaakov Zev, etc., Yisrael Dov. And simply — I am not able to be in the impure air. 'My soul longs and also expires for the bosom of my mother' — the Holy Land. What shall I say to you — I cannot endure this — not even one day — all the more so many days. I am truly wandering. I cannot settle to study any Torah — in Likutay Moharan or Talmud, etc. — for my mind is wandering. And I cannot endure the material affliction of sleeping and eating and the lack of rest. And far more — in spiritual matters — I cannot endure at all. For much, much is happening to me. I cannot be here any longer — I must come home. In one word — may I only hold on until then! My heart is very shattered inside me — and I cannot express it — and why am I writing all this to you: l'mai nafka mina [Aramaic: "what difference does it make?"]? To seek compassion — that you pray greatly for me in spiritual and material matters. And work with all your strength to bring me to you. Be strong in money and will and effort. Know: this is truly a matter of saving a life. And after all of this — I have no regrets, G‑d forbid, G‑d forbid. Even if it were a thousand times worse, G‑d forbid, even in every manner in the world — I have no regrets. For it is all worthwhile, worthwhile, etc. I already wrote last week to R' Yankel about my journey — everything."

If you can take out a formal request in a certain name, etc. — as I wrote to him [to R' Yankel] — write to me and I will make myself a passport, etc. And then you can make the formal request that will match the passport, etc. And I have no other counsel by any means whatsoever. I took counsel with all of the fellowship, etc. Therefore write to me a reply about everything I wrote to R' Yaakov, may he live. And now I ask of R' Noton, may he live: please hand over immediately all these writings — Part Two of Emes V'Emunah [אמת ואמונה — "Truth and Faith" — a Breslov text; Part Two] — either to R' Yaakov Zev — that he keep them among the other writings — or put them in my belongings in my box at yours — and keep them very well. Do not send letters to the address written on the envelope — only to the address of Matisyahu that is with Yaakov Zev. Please write to me of the welfare of all of you in full detail. And of the welfare of R' Yisrael Dov, may he live, and of R' Shlomo Kavler, may he live. And of the welfare of my wife and son, may he live. And of their thinking — whether it has changed for the better. And in what manner they want to make peace. And to state an opinion — with whom to speak — whether to live together with the father-in-law — and what your view is in this matter. From me — your friend: Shmuel Gorvitz [Note: R' Shmuel signs here as "Gorvitz" — a variant spelling of Horowitz; perhaps a pseudonym for security reasons in the Soviet Union, or a local transcription variant].