A Severe Medical Emergency at Uman — The Abscess, The Operation, The Recovery

First — I will inform you of my health: blessed be G‑d — Who helped me until now and Who made miracles of Purim for me — that I remained alive. And what has passed over me — passed. Severe sufferings and great pains. In Parashas Bo: [Yiddish:] "I received, G‑d forbid, a great and very dangerous blow [מכה — an abscess/wound; a severe infection that developed into an emergency]. (Apparently from the struggling [מהמוטשין זיך — from the physical toil and hardship] in the kloiz [the Breslov prayer house beside Rabbainu's grave] — from the sleeping in the cold up top all winter, etc., and from the eating of hard dry biscuits, etc. — I became very chilled, etc.) And also my stomach I am suffering from [דער מאגין לייד איך אויך — intestinal illness]. (For I cannot eat black bread — and even that there is none, etc.) In short: I suffered such great pain in my head — for the blow was from my ear down to half the neck — and the ear is very close to the brain — as is known to doctors. And therefore all the pain struck the brain literally. I could not eat, or sleep, or do anything — from the great pain in the brain — literally as if burning, G‑d forbid. And I suffered this way until Thursday of Parashas Yisro. And I was in the kloiz and did not make myself known."

"And on Thursday mentioned above — all the deadlines had truly been reached [כלו כל הקיצין]. And I saw that I was literally within a step of death. And I entered R' Shimshon's [Rabbainu's grandson — the caretaker of the grave] house — to pray in his house — for I could not endure the noise of the kloiz. And I told him. And I was put on a bed by him. And a doctor was called. And he said this is a dangerous blow — for it touches, G‑d forbid, the brain — and who knows what could happen, etc. And also — he needs to wait several more weeks before they could open it, etc. And who knows, etc. And Hashem helped me miraculously — that the blow descended from the ear — closer to the neck — and the danger to the brain was somewhat alleviated. And I remained lying at R' Shimshon's house — even though it was very, very hard on him. And even if they had paid him one pound per day — he would not have wanted it — for he is a weak person, etc. And this requires very great effort — day and night, etc. Even so — from fear of G‑d — for he saw that if I were not in his house I could die, G‑d forbid — he was compelled to agree that I be with him. I was with him until now. And he — and his wife — and his son Pinchas, may he live — and all of them were nearly sick and weak from me — from the effort."

"And in general — until Tuesday of Parashas Tetzaveh — it became in many respects still much greater, the blow. And I literally did not know day from night. 'Morning says: would it were evening — and evening says: would it were morning.' What shall I say, what shall I speak? And a great doctor was called — and he said it was very dangerous for the neck — lest it choke, G‑d forbid — and also for the brain — very dangerous. Therefore it must be opened. And the aforementioned doctor himself opened it. What shall I say about the great sufferings I endured — pains and torments still greater than from the operation itself. And every two days I had to go to the doctor to have the dressing changed. And every time I endured great pain. And afterward — pus began to come out — greatly — so that every day the clothing were soiled, etc. And the doctor each time pressed [to drain the abscess]. And I had great suffering. And blessed be G‑d — yesterday I went to him, and they said it is a great kindness. Even so — I still need to go every two days. And I still cannot go to the kloiz to pray — only in the house. And especially to the Tzion and the mikveh — surely one does not even mention it. And I am very, very weak — beyond all reckoning. For my heart is weak and my strength is weak — from the great sufferings I have had all the years among you — and also this year in particular — from the various crises and waves that passed over me — and the struggling and effort here, etc. — what passed over me (G‑d willing — face to face we will tell at length)."

In short — I am very weak, etc. And I had a miracle: I borrowed money from the fellowship for the journey to Eretz Yisrael — and spent the money on the illness, which was literally a matter of saving a life — for it was permitted even to violate Shabbos, etc. And approximately 6 pounds — or more — I spent on this. And now I have hired myself out to one of the fellowship — until after Pesach — to sleep by him. And I am suffering greatly.