The Inner Story — How He Arrived at This Decision

And regarding what your honor asks — what happened with me, and who gave me this important counsel? The time itself brought it [הזמן גרמא — "the time caused it": a Talmudic phrase, meaning the circumstances themselves dictated the course of action; here used with a touch of wit — the answer to "who advised you?" is simply: reality]. Previously my mother was in Jerusalem. [Yiddish:] "And I suffered very greatly — in material matters and in spiritual matters — beyond all measure." And here, at Meron, I had a longing to be there — but not quite the full will and resolve. And I had thought that in Jerusalem I would find a fine, private place, and a place for hisbodidus. But in the end I received letters from all the friends I had asked about it — that there is nothing: no money, no place — and I would have, G‑d forbid, mental confusion and obstacles, and money would be lost in vain. So why should I bring that trouble upon myself for nothing? [Yiddish continued:] "And afterward I came to have more sense." I reflected and saw that it is very, very good — only to be in Meron, from every perspective. And likewise my uncle the distinguished talmid chacham, R' Avner Luberbaum [לוברבום — R' Avner Luberbaum, his uncle, a Breslov Chassid who features as a trusted guide throughout these letters], counseled me thus. And nothing stands in the way of will [אין דבר עומד לנגד הרצון — a classic Breslov teaching derived from Rabbainu: where there is genuine will and desire, all obstacles are overcome]. And they will even give us the key for the entire year, etc. I literally gave life to my soul [החייתי נפשי — "I revived my soul"] upon learning that your honor will be with me — for this is now my entire aspiration, desire, and wish: to be with your honor in Meron, may it be established.

I do not have the time to write more.

Presumably he has received my letter from this past week.

May it be the will [of Hashem] that this month be transformed from mourning [אבל — the month of Av is a month of mourning, centered on the fast of Tisha B'Av commemorating the destruction of the Holy Temple] into a festival day [יום טוב], and into gladness, joy, salvation, consolation, and complete redemption [גאולה שלימה] — may it come soon, without end [בבא"ס = בביאה קרובה אין סוף]. So may it be His will. Amen.

From me — your friend, who awaits and expects that we shall be together in Meron, in expansiveness [מתוך הרחבה — mstoch harhavah: from within abundance and Divine spaciousness], engaged in Torah and Divine service by day and by night. From me, Shmuel HaLevi Horowitz.

Postscript 1

For this is the essential holiness of Pesach — the beginning of the drawing close of Israel to their Father in Heaven — yearning and longing for Hashem — in the aspect of "the kindness of Abraham" — who was the man of kindness, the man of spirit, who made souls for Hashem through his yearnings and longings — and spoke them with his mouth to Hashem in his hisbodidus — and through this he converted converts — in the aspect of "and the souls that they made in Charan." [ואת הנפש אשר עשו בחרן — "and the souls that they made in Charan" (Genesis 12:5). The Midrash (Bereishis Rabbah 39:14) interprets: Abraham converted men and Sarah converted women — they "made" souls by drawing them under the wings of the Shechinah. The Rebbe (LM §31) expounds: the souls that Abraham made were through his yearnings and his hisbodidus — he spoke his longing for Hashem aloud in personal prayer, and this itself drew other souls to G-d. See Likutay Moharan §31.]

And Pesach is the festival of Abraham — "and matzos he baked and they ate." [ומצות אפה ויאכלו — "and matzos he baked and they ate" (Genesis 19:3). When the angels visited Abraham's nephew Lot in Sodom on the eve of Passover (as the Midrash teaches — Pesachim 109b), Lot baked matzos — connecting Pesach to the household of Abraham's tradition. Pesach is the festival of Abraham — the festival of lovingkindness and yearning, which was Abraham's essence.]

And our master the Rebbe זצ"ל brings in Shichos HaR"an [בשיהר"ן = בשיחות הר"ן — "in Shichos HaR"an — the Conversations of R' [Nach]man." שיהר"ן is the standard abbreviation for שיחות הר"ן — the collection of Rabbi Nachman's spoken conversations and informal teachings, compiled by Rabbi Nossan Sternhartz. It is distinct from Chayyei Moharan (the biographical record of the Rebbe's life) — Shichos HaR"an specifically records the Rebbe's conversational teachings. The teaching that "the essential is the will" appears in Shichos HaR"an, not in Chayyei Moharan.] that the essential is the will — and it rises above everything. And in particular on Pesach — which is the beginning of drawing close to Hashem and before the receiving of the Torah — [which every year the rectifications are made anew] — then the essential is to find good points within oneself — in order to give life and joy to one's soul — so that one can lift one's mind — to rejoice in Hashem — and to long and yearn afresh to draw close to Hashem — with a new closeness — and with love and affection like a child to a father — for this is the essential.

And through this one can go out from Egypt — that is: from the evil inclination and its lusts and its constrictions — and to be saved from chametz — which is sadness and laziness and anger — for this is the essential bite of the serpent and the Sitra Achra [סטרא אחרא — Aramaic: "the other side." The Kabbalistic term for the forces of impurity and evil — the domain of the demonic that opposes holiness. The Sitra Achra's primary weapon is sadness and laziness — the bite of the serpent that first brought Adam and Chava to eat from the tree. Chametz (leavened bread = the puffed-up, fermented ego) = sadness, laziness, anger = the Sitra Achra's domain.] — and through this it leads to evil thoughts — "chametz there — the side of death" — may G-d have mercy. [מחמצת תמן סטרא דמותא רח"ל — "chametz there — the side of death — may G-d have mercy." A Zoharic phrase (Zohar II:183b): the chametz on Pesach corresponds to the "side of death" — the Sitra Achra at its most extreme. רח"ל = רחמנא ליצלן — "may the Merciful One save us." The extreme evil of chametz on Pesach is not merely physical but cosmological — it is the side of death itself.]

And to go out from this — one only lifts the mind — with joy and love and longing and yearning toward Hashem.

And this is what our master the Rebbe זצ"ל brings in Likutay Moharan Part 2, §48 [לקוטי מוהר"ן חלק ב' סי' מ"ח — Likutay Moharan Part 2 (Tannina), §48. מ"ח = mem (40) + ches (8) = 48. An important teaching on the sin of sadness specifically at the beginning of one's drawing close to Hashem.] — that immediately when a person wants to draw close to Hashem — then it is a great sin when he has sadness — for this is the aspect of chametz on Pesach — in the beginning of drawing close — in the aspect of Pesach — chametz — that is: sadness and judgments and powers of severity [דינים וגבורות — "judgments and gevuros." Gevuros (plural of gevurah — strength / severity) = the divine quality of strict judgment, the left-side attribute of the Sefirah of Gevurah. In Kabbalistic thought: Chesed (kindness / right side) = Pesach; Gevurah (severity / left side) = chametz / din. Sadness, strict judgments, and powers of severity are the three faces of the same chametz-reality, all forbidden in even a trace at the beginning of drawing close.] — is forbidden even in a trace. [אסור במשהו — "forbidden even in a trace." The halachic standard for chametz on Pesach: unlike other forbidden foods where the rule is bitul b'shishim (nullified by sixty parts), chametz on Pesach is forbidden in even the tiniest trace — mashehu (= "even a little" / "anything at all"). Applied spiritually: at the beginning of drawing close to Hashem — the Pesach-state — even the tiniest trace of sadness is absolutely forbidden, just as the tiniest trace of chametz is absolutely forbidden on Pesach.]

And only: longing and yearning toward Hashem — and emotions and love — and speaking with the mouth ("Pesach — peh sach — speaking with the mouth") — the kindnesses of Hashem: both for Israel in general — that He took us out of Egypt — as we say in the Haggadah — "and all who increases the telling of the Exodus from Egypt — this is praiseworthy" — and the Arizal brings: "this is praiseworthy" — in kindnesses — meaning: it causes kindness in the world.

And it is brought in the holy Zohar — about the great delight of Hashem and His glory — before all the heavenly entourage — at the time when they praise and recount His kindnesses on this night. And the essential — more than all — is to feel also the kindnesses of Hashem in particularity — each person himself: how He gave him life in body and soul — and graced him with commandments and closeness to Him, may He be blessed[ית' = יתברך — "may He be blessed." The standard honorific abbreviation for G-d throughout rabbinic and Chassidic literature.] — and to know of the true Tzaddik — for this is above all the kindnesses and the good things — and through this certainly we will have a good end forever. And this too[ג"כ = גם כן — "also / as well." The standard abbreviation throughout the correspondence.] is brought in the Haggadah: the story of Rabbi Eliezer[ר"א = רבי אליעזר — "Rabbi Eliezer." The five sages of the Haggadah story: Rabbi Eliezer, Rabbi Yehoshua, Rabbi Elazar ben Azaryah, Rabbi Akiva, and Rabbi Tarfon — who reclined at the Seder in Bnei Brak and discussed the Exodus all night until their students came to announce the time for morning Shema.] and R' Yehoshua and so on — and they were recounting the Exodus from Egypt that entire night — [besides the general kindness of the Exodus from Egypt and so on] — they recounted and felt — each one — the kindness and the wonders that Hashem did with him personally — for that is the essential.

And through this: to give thanks for the past — and to request for the future — that He draw him close anew to His service, may He be blessed. And this is the aspect of the "big mochin" and "small mochin" [מוחין דגדלות וקטנות — "mochin of greatness and smallness." In Kabbalistic thought: mochin d'gadlus — the expanded, illuminated state of consciousness / divine light flowing fully — and mochin d'katnus — the contracted, diminished state. Every Jewish person oscillates between these states. On the first night of Pesach, the mochin d'gadlus arrive together — all at once — through the arousal from Above.] that every Jewish person has — each one according to his level — on the first night of Pesach — when all the mochin come together — through the arousal from Above — [for this is the aspect of the longings and the yearnings mentioned above — which is the aspect of the arousal from Above]. And then the will shines for him — and he longs and feels the love of Hashem without end. And this is the aspect of the first drawing close — in Yiddish: "this is the first illumination that Hashem shows — so that one should run after Him" — [this is the first heart — what Hashem shows: a light — so that one should run after it]. As it says in Shir HaShirim — which is the song of Pesach — [only love and yearning]: "Draw me after You — let us run" [Song of Songs 1:4] and so on — "the king has brought me into his chambers" and so on. [Shir HaShirim — Song of Songs — is read on Pesach (specifically on Shabbos Chol HaMoed Pesach in most Ashkenazic communities, or throughout the holiday). The Rebbe identifies it as "the song of Pesach" — a song of pure love and yearning, containing no commandments, no theology, only the voice of the beloved yearning for the lover. "Mashcheni acharecha narutzah" — draw me after You — let us run: the soul being drawn by the first illumination of Pesach into a state of running toward G-d. The "chambers of the king" = the innermost divine closeness revealed on Pesach night.] And this is the first night and the first day of Pesach — when one is shown that there exists such a light — that you can merit it. And then the person feels within himself freedom and vitality and love toward Hashem — literally like a great Tzaddik. And afterward they take away the light — [for it is an arousal from Above — from Heaven — like the angels who have no free choice — and they are aroused and so on] — and they say to the person: "Now prepare yourself — so that the light shall be yours — without the shame of unearned bread." And this is the matter of counting the Omer. [נהמא דכסופא — Aramaic: "the bread of shame / unearned bread." The Zoharic concept: receiving a gift one has not earned causes shame. The Pesach illumination is pure gift — bread of shame — because it was not earned. The Omer is the process of earning the light so that one receives it at Shavuos without shame — as earned bread (lechem she'nu'eh).] Even though the person does not have the great light as before — in any case let him long and yearn — and prepare himself for the receiving of the Torah — for that is the purpose of the light: to fulfill the Torah in simplicity — and to prepare oneself to know one's distance — and to feel shame during the days of the Omer — and to purify oneself. And even though what passes over him passes over him — and the evil inclination overcomes him as it overcomes — he should not leave his place — and he should count the days — seven clean [days] — seeking to purify himself from the evil blood through being ashamed of himself — and yearning to be purified — and with a full mouth of Psalms and prayers and hisbodidus — [and also with joy — not with sadness, G-d forbid]. And then — when he also guards the days of the Omer — even when it does not shine for him as it did on the first day of Pesach — and he performs the service of Hashem as much as he can — this is the aspect of the arousal from below. And then he merits afterward to the great light of Pesach mentioned above — with even greater intensity — for at Shavuos one merits to the holiness of the Crown — which is above the mochin — and for this one cannot merit if not through the arousal from below. And when the person has the waiting — not to leave his place — and to always wait and hope to reach the level of his holiness — and even though what passes over him passes — he does not leave his place — and does what he can — this is the essential test of the person in this world. And through this he merits afterward — in the end of all things — somehow to reach his level — the aspect of Crown at Shavuos — which the angels cannot reach — for they have no free choice and no power of waiting. [בחירה וכח ההמתנה — "free choice and the power of waiting." Two qualities that distinguish humans from angels: bechira (free choice) — the capacity to choose between good and evil, to turn around, to decide differently. And koach hamamtanah (the power of waiting) — the capacity for sustained, patient, faithful waiting over long periods without abandoning one's spiritual post. Angels have neither: they are "programmed" in their holiness and cannot grow beyond their fixed level. The human being — precisely because he can fall and get up, fail and return, wait through years of darkness — reaches a crown that the angels, for all their perpetual holiness, can never attain.] And only the Tzaddikim — who have free choice — are higher than the angels. And this is a great goodness and a great closeness to the person — for through the waiting and the preparation — through all that passes over him — through this he rectifies and elevates all that he lowered and blemished through his sins — and specifically through this he merits what he merits. And also — the month of Nisan is the head of months — and "strength and joy are in His place"[I Chronicles 16:27 — "Strength and gladness are in His place." A verse of praise sung before the Ark in Jerusalem.] — and His Name is the Name of Havayah [שם הוי' — "the Name of Havayah." The four-letter divine Name (the Tetragrammaton: yud-heh-vav-heh) — the Name of Being / the Name of Existence. The author brings an extraordinary acronym: the first letters of the verse "Yismchu HaShamayim V'tageil HaAretz" (Psalms 96:11 — "Let the heavens rejoice and the earth exult") spell out יה-ו-ה — the four letters of the divine Name of Havayah. The month of Nisan carries this Name.] — [from that Name]: Yismchu — HaShamayim — V'tageil — HaAretz [Psalms 96:11 — "Let the heavens rejoice and let the earth exult." The first letters: י (Yismchu) ה (HaShamayim) ו (V'tageil) ה (HaAretz) = the divine Name יהוה = Havayah.] — that is: the greatness of joy in this month — in all the worlds. And every day of it is in the aspect of Rosh Chodesh[ר"ח = ראש חודש — "the new month / Rosh Chodesh."] and Yom Tov[יו"ט = יום טוב — "a festival day / Yom Tov."] — and one can merit through it — through joy — to the rectification and the guarding of the covenant. See the teaching of §5 in Likutay Moharan Part 2 [מאמר ה' בלקוטי מוהר"ן ח"ב — LM Part 2, §5. "Tik'u emunah" — "Sound the faith." An important teaching connecting Rosh Chodesh, joy, and the rectification of the covenant. ח"ב = חלק ב' (Part 2 / Tannina); מ"ח = §48 was cited earlier; now מאמר ה' = §5.] — "Tiku emunah" — Sound / Blast the Faith[תקעו אמונה — "Sound/Blast the faith." The title of LM II:5, taken from Psalms 81:4: "Sound the shofar on the new moon." The teaching connects Rosh Chodesh, the shofar blast, emunah (faith), joy, and the rectification of the covenant — all themes of the month of Nisan.] — and see the teaching of §49 in Likutay Moharan Part 1 — "LaShemesh sam ohel" — "He set a tent for the sun" [מאמר מ"ט לשמש שם אהל — LM Part 1, §49. "LaShemesh sam ohel" — "He set a tent for the sun" (Psalms 19:5). An important teaching on the holiness of the month of Nisan, song and praise, and the divine illumination of this period. מ"ט = mem (40) + tes (9) = 49.] — where it is explained that this month is song and melody and praise to Hashem. May Hashem grant us merit for all these holinesses — and to serve Hashem always with joy and yearning. So may it be His will. Amen. I have received his letter from the 19th of Adar — and I rejoiced to hear what you gathered for the book — and even though it is very little[מעט מזעיר — "very little / exceedingly small." A doubled diminutive: me'at (little) + mi'za'eir (even smaller) = the tiniest possible amount. Stronger than simply "a little" — the author acknowledges the donation is genuinely minimal, but quickly redirects to the value of the yearning.] — nevertheless — your yearning for the future — may Hashem help you that you should be able to complete the printing of the holy book. For it is also in the aspect of Pesach — Torah 1 of Likutay Moharan — and R' Nossan זצ"ל brings on this Torah the matter of Pesach and the Omer and Shavuos at length. And now — on the eve of Yom Tov — it is not possible to speak at all about the matter of the book. And therefore I still cannot write how much money it will require. I understand that among all the Torah teachings there will not be another teaching of such length — for it is the introduction to the entire book — and through this the book ... to reach a great level — when we study and fulfill. This twenty-sixth letter — written Monday of Parshas Tzav, before Pesach 5718 (April 1958) — is the most systematic and comprehensive treatment of the Pesach–Omer–Shavuos arc in the entire correspondence, surpassing even Letters 17 and 18 in its depth and scope. Abraham, good points, chametz (§2): Pesach = the beginning of Israel's drawing close to their Father in Heaven. The aspect of Abraham — the man of kindness — who made souls through his yearnings and hisbodidus (LM §31, "the souls they made in Charan"). Pesach is Abraham's festival (the matzos he baked in Genesis 19). The essential of Pesach: finding good points within oneself to give life and joy to the soul. Going out from Egypt = going out from the evil inclination. Chametz = sadness + laziness + anger = the bite of the serpent / Sitra Achra = "chametz there, the side of death" (Zohar). LM II:48 — Sadness forbidden in a trace (§3): Immediately when one wants to draw close to Hashem — sadness is a great sin. This is the chametz of Pesach — forbidden even in a trace (mashehu). Haggadah citation: R' Eliezer and R' Yehoshua — they felt each person's own personal kindnesses, not just the general kindness of the Exodus. The teshuvah formula: thank for the past, request for the future. The first night — atirutha d'lei'la — Shir HaShirim (§4): The mochin d'gadlus and d'katnus that every Jew has — on the first night all come together through atirutha d'lei'la. Then the will shines — love of Hashem without end. The Yiddish passage: "this is the first illumination that Hashem shows — so that one should run after Him." Shir HaShirim = the song of Pesach = pure love and yearning: "Draw me after You — let us run" (Song 1:4). The first night: one sees that such a light exists. One feels freedom and vitality like a great Tzaddik. Then the light is withdrawn — like angels who have no free choice. Now: prepare yourself — earn the light — so it shall be yours without bread of shame (nahama d'kisufa). This is the Omer. Humans above angels (§5): Even without the great light — long and yearn, prepare for receiving the Torah. Don't leave your place — count seven clean days — purify from evil blood through shame and yearning — Psalms, prayer, hisbodidus — with joy, not sadness. This is atirutha diletata. Then merits at Shavuos the holiness of the Crown (Keter) — above the mochin — achievable only through atirutha diletata. The essential test of the person in this world: the koach hamamtanah — not leaving one's place, always waiting and hoping. Angels cannot reach this Crown — they have no bechira (free choice) and no koach hamamtanah. Only Tzaddikim — who have free choice — are higher than angels. Through the waiting and preparation one rectifies and elevates all that was blemished. The month of Nisan (§6): Nisan = head of months. "Strength and joy are in His place." Its Name is the Name of Havayah — the initials of Yismchu HaShamayim V'tageil HaAretz (Psalms 96:11) = יהוה. Every day of Nisan = Rosh Chodesh + Yom Tov. Joy = tikkun and shmirat habrit. LM II:5 ("Tiku emunah" — Sound / Blast the Faith[תקעו אמונה — "Sound/Blast the faith." The title of LM II:5, taken from Psalms 81:4: "Sound the shofar on the new moon." The teaching connects Rosh Chodesh, the shofar blast, emunah (faith), joy, and the rectification of the covenant — all themes of the month of Nisan.]) and LM I:49 ("LaShemesh sam ohel") — Nisan is song, melody, and praise. Book update (§7): 19 Adar letter received. Little money gathered but the yearning counts. Torah 1 of LM is also in the aspect of Pesach — R' Nossan's commentary covers Pesach, Omer, and Shavuos at length. It is the introduction to the entire book. Cannot discuss details erev Yom Tov. Key terms: Chessed l'Avraham — ish hachessed — the kindness of Abraham; Pesach as Abraham's festival · V'es hanefesh asher asu b'Charan — LM §31 — souls made through hisbodidus and yearning · U'matzos afah vayochelu — "and matzos he baked and they ate" (Genesis 19:3); Pesach = Abraham's festival · Sitra Achra / mechametzet tamam sitra d'muta — chametz = the side of death; sadness as the serpent's bite · LM II:48 — aveirah gedolah yesh lo atzavus — great sin to have sadness when drawing close to Hashem · Asur b'mashehu — forbidden even in a trace; chametz / sadness at the beginning of drawing close · Mochin d'gadlus v'd'katnus — expanded and contracted minds/lights; come together on Pesach night · Das ershteh likhtikayt vos Hashem vayst — men zol im noch lofn — Yiddish: "the first illumination Hashem shows — so that one should run after Him" · Shir HaShirim — shir shel Pesach — Song of Songs = the song of Pesach; pure love and yearning · Mashcheni acharecha narutzah — "Draw me after You — let us run" (Song 1:4); the soul's response to the first illumination · Nahama d'kisufa — bread of shame / unearned bread; what the Omer transforms into earned bread · Bechira v'koach hamamtanah — free choice and the power of waiting; what humans have and angels lack · Tzaddikim ba'alei bechira gevohim min hamal'achim — Tzaddikim with free choice are higher than angels · Keter at Shavuos — the Crown of Keter, above the mochin, accessible only through atirutha diletata · Shem Havayah — Yismchu HaShamayim V'tageil HaAretz — Psalms 96:11 as the acronym of Nisan's divine Name · LM II:5 — Tiku emunah — Rosh Chodesh, joy, tikkun habrit · LM I:49 — LaShemesh sam ohel — Nisan is song, melody, and praise