יב

‎And even still it seemed to him always that he was not being looked at at all and he was not being heard at all, just on the contrary, it seemed to him that he was being alienated from His service blessed He with all types of alienation as if he was not desired at all whatsoever. Because he would see the changing and passing of many many days and years and he was still distant from a Hashem Yisburach, and still had not merited to be drawn any closer, therefore it seemed in his eyes that his words were not being heard at all and absolutely no attention was being given to him, just on the contrary, he was being alienated with all types of alienation from His service blessed He. But even still he would strengthen himself tremendously and would not leave his place. And there were times that he was disheartened because he saw that he prays, pleads, and implores so much that he should be drawn close to the service of Hashem Yisburach but was not looked upon at all, and because of this he fell sometimes disheartened and he would not speak so much between himself and his Creator for some days. Afterwards he would be conscious of himself and would be embarrassed of himself that he suspected His attributes/conduct blessed He, because in reality certainly Hashem Yisburach is gracious and merciful etc. and certainly He desires to draw him close etc. and he returned and strengthened his resolve, and he began again to plead and speak before Hashem Yisburach as mentioned above. And so it was many times.