תּוֹרָה מז

One needs very very great strengthening — not to fall in one's mind — G-d forbid — when one sees that many days and years pass — and one toils with great toils. And one cries out each time and beseeches and prays before Him, may He be blessed, that He help one in one's service. Yet even so — one is still very far. And therefore it seems as if Hashem Yisborach does not want one at all. And regarding all this — one needs great strengthening — to strengthen oneself — very much. And not to look at all this at all. For all this passed also over all the true Tzadikim. And if they had not strengthened themselves greatly — not to look at all the above — they would have remained in their first place. And would not have merited what they merited. Therefore — my beloved brother — be very strong and courageous. And hold yourself with all your strengths to remain standing in your service. And do not be concerned and do not look at all the above. If you are very very far from Hashem Yisborach — and it seems to you that you blemish at every moment literally against Him, may He be blessed. Against this know — that a person who is so material — every movement and movement through which one extracts oneself little by little from one's materiality and turns to Hashem Yisborach — is very very great and precious. And even a very small point — that one moves from one's materiality toward Him, may He be blessed — one runs through this many thousands of leagues in the supernal worlds. And about this one should greatly rejoice. And distance oneself greatly from sadness — for sadness harms very very much. As soon as a person wishes to enter the service of Hashem, may He be blessed — it is then immediately a great sin if one has sadness — G-d forbid. For sadness is the "sitra achra" and the Holy One, blessed be He, hates it. (See above §24 — it is a great commandment to always be in joy. For just as sadness is a great sin — so in the opposite direction — joy is a great commandment. Fortunate is one who merits to always be in joy. For it is a healing for the person in physicality and spirituality.) One must be a great stubborn person [akshan] in the service of Hashem — not to abandon even a small portion of one's service that one has begun — even if whatever happens should befall one. And remember this matter well. For when you begin somewhat in the service of Hashem — you will need it greatly. For necessarily — ups and downs beyond number pass over a person. And sometimes someone is brought down intentionally from the service of Hashem. And regarding all this — one needs great strengthening — to hold oneself in the service of Hashem — only through stubbornness. And one needs very very great stubbornness in this. Sometimes a person is already near the gate of holiness. And turns backwards — because the "sitra achra" and the accuser overpowers one then with very great and awesome overpowering — G-d have mercy. And they do not allow one to enter through the gate. Through this one falls in one's mind and turns back entirely — G-d forbid. For such is the way of the accuser and the "sitra achra" — when they see that the person is actually near the gates of holiness and about to enter — then specifically they spread over one with great overpowering — G-d have mercy. Therefore one needs great strengthening against them — to stand in one's place. And not to look at all at the falls and descents that pass over one. Rather to do what one can in the service of Hashem. And with the passage of many days and years — one will certainly enter — with His help, may He be blessed — through the gates of holiness. For Hashem Yisborach is full of mercy and greatly desires our service. And know — that all the movements and extractions through which you extract yourself each time somewhat from your materiality for His service, may He be blessed — all of them gather and join and bind together. And come to your assistance in time of need — that is — when there is — G-d forbid — some pressure and time of trouble in physicality. And likewise in spirituality — in the great overpowering of the accuser — G-d have mercy. And know that there is a tree on which leaves grow — that each leaf needs to grow for a hundred years. And presumably during these hundred years — certainly whatever passes over it — passes. Yet even so — afterwards — at the end of the hundred years — it shoots with a great sound — like a firearm (which they call a "ormamatye"). And the analogy is self-evident. And know that a person must pass through this world on a very narrow bridge. And the essential thing — not to be afraid at all. And a person must greatly strengthen and gladden oneself — both through finding in oneself some merit and good point — for how is it possible that one has not done some good in one's days. And likewise through: ""that He has not made me a non-Jew."" And to do dances and leaps in order to come to joy — until one merits through this to teshuvah. And all the willful sins will be transformed into merits [Yoma 86b].