קיב

My King and my G‑d — for to You I shall pray [Psalms 5:3]. Please Hashem — save me through Your abundant mercies; that I merit to engage in the words of Your Torah for its own sake with great perseverance; and in Your Torah shall I meditate day and night [Joshua 1:8]. And be with me always; and help me and save me that the words of the Torah not become coarse and darkened from my mouth, G‑d forbid. Rather may I merit to study Torah in great holiness and purity — nullifying my self and all my materiality at the time of my study; in such a manner that I merit to feel in my heart and my mind the pleasantness and the sweetness and the spirituality and the delicacy and the depth of Your holy Torah. For You alone knew the immensity of the sweetness of the pleasantness and the sweetness and the spirituality of the words of Your holy and pure and wholesome Torah; as it is said: More desirable than gold — and than much fine gold; and sweeter than honey and the honeycomb [Psalms 19:11]. And it is said: A honeycomb — the sayings of pleasantness; sweet to the soul and healing to the bone [Proverbs 16:24]. And it is said: Her ways are ways of pleasantness and all her paths are peace [Proverbs 3:17]. And even from afar I see and believe in the immensity of the depth and the pleasantness and the sweetness of Your holy Torah. Yet through our many iniquities — through the multitude of our materiality and our coarseness in our evil deeds and our confused thoughts — even the Torah that comes into our mouths: not only does it not illuminate us as it should; but even the Torah itself has become coarsened and darkened from our mouths. And because of this we have still not merited to break the evil inclination and its desires through the engagement with the holy Torah. And I do not merit to feel the sweetness and the pleasantness and the greatness of the Creator Blessed be He; and the greatness of the true tzadikim; and the greatness of the Torah and the manifestation of divinity through the manifestation of such Torah novellae — that we have merited to receive from the day of the giving of the Torah until now. And now what shall I do — our Father in Heaven? With what shall a youth so distant as I merit to observe Your words [Psalms 119:9]? With what shall I be reconciled before my Master; with what shall I purify and sanctify myself; with what shall I merit to return from my evil ways and my shameful thoughts — after that even the words of the holy Torah which are our life and the length of our days; and all our hope is upon them: even they do not illuminate me; and even they have become darkened and coarsened from my mouth, G‑d forbid. And now what shall I do; what shall I effect; whither am I driven to seek help? Torah, Torah — Torah of Hashem; Torah of Moshe; Torah of all the true tzadikim; Torah of all Israel. The Torah of Hashem is perfect — restoring the soul [Psalms 19:8]. Have pity for Your honor's sake — and illuminate for us with Your great light within the darkness of the gloom of this long and bitter exile: the exile of the nations; the exile of evil and bitter desires. Arise to our help in this great time of distress — both generally and in particular. And overpower through the light of Your great shining over all manner of darkness and gloom; and over all manner of materiality and darkness beyond measure — that I have drawn upon myself through my many iniquities; in such a manner that even I shall merit to see the great light of the Torah. And may the Torah shine and illuminate for me through all manner of darkness and materiality into which I have fallen; and may it take me out of them speedily; and may I merit to go out from gloom to light; from darkness to great light. And may there be fulfilled in me: A lamp for my feet is Your word — and a light for my path [Psalms 119:105]. And it is said: The opening of Your words gives light — it gives understanding to the simple [Psalms 119:130]. And it is said: For a commandment is a lamp and Torah is a light — and the way of life is the rebuke of instruction [Proverbs 6:23].