לה

At the heads of the noisy places I call out; at the entrances of the gates, in the city, I utter my words [ Proverbs 1:21 ] — with a great voice, with a strong voice, with a bitter voice. I raise my voice and I call out to the G‑d who repays me. Behold — I am in Your hand as clay in the hand of the potter [ cf. Jeremiah 18:6 ]. Watchman — what of the night? Watchman — what of the night? [ Isaiah 21:11 ]. I shall roam through the marketplaces and through the streets — I shall seek the one whom my soul loves; and I shall cry out with a great voice and become bitter and say: My voice calls out to Hashem and He answers me from His holy mountain, Selah [ Psalms 3:5 ]. I lay down and slept; I awoke — for Hashem sustains me [ Psalms 3:6 ]. To You, Hashem, I call out; and to Hashem I entreat [ Psalms 30:9 ]. Master of the Universe — Lord of mercy and forgiveness; Who watches over the wicked and desires his vindication; Who opens the gate to those who knock in repentance: grant me merit through Your abundant mercies — that I return in complete repentance before You swiftly and speedily, for all my sins and iniquities and transgressions that I sinned and transgressed and rebelled before You from my youth until this very day. And do not slam the hour shut against me. Return, Hashem — until when? And relent concerning Your servants [ Psalms 90:13 ]. Return us to You, Hashem, and we shall return — renew our days as of old [ Lamentations 5:21 ]. For from the very beginning You made this known — and from the earliest times You revealed it: that before You created the world with Your ancient wisdom, You made repentance first of all — for repentance preceded the world [ teshuvah kadmah la'olam ]. For You knew that we are flesh and blood and were formed from clay: Behold — in iniquity I was formed, and in sin did my mother conceive me [ Psalms 51:7 ]. And You know our inclination — that we are dust. Therefore You prepared a remedy before the wound and a balm before the pain [ te'alah lemakoseinu u'tzeri lemachoveinu ]; for You desire the existence of the world and You do not desire the destruction of the world, G‑d forbid. Therefore from the very beginning this arose in Your thought — that You would accept our repentance before You at every time we come to You. But what shall we say and what shall we speak? For the mire of the depths of sin and the turbid coarseness of matter have already taken such hold and seized upon us — until our strength has failed and our hand has fallen exceedingly; and it is hard for us ourselves to return to You in truth. And I have no hope at all except upon Your abundant mercies — that You Yourself return us and bring us back in complete repentance before You. And may our groaning and our sighing and our prayers and our supplications rise and appear before You — all that we groan and hope and wait and cry out at every moment toward You, that You return us to You in truth: as though we had done all that was incumbent upon us; as though we had been stirred and had done complete repentance — a repentance of exact reckoning [ teshuvat hamishkal ] — for all our sins and iniquities and transgressions. For we know not what to do; and how to be rescued from what I need to be rescued from now onward — so as not to do again what I have done until now; so as not to blemish again what I have blemished in thought, speech, and deed. And I have no support or hope except upon Your abundant mercies and Your great lovingkindnesses — that You Yourself engage in our rectification, in the merit of the true holy tzadikim who are in the land, the mighty ones — all my delight is in them [ Psalms 16:3 ]. In their merit and their power — return me to You and I shall return, for You are my G‑d. And help me through Your mercies that I not return to my foolishness. And may I abandon my evil way and my ugly thoughts and my confused ideas — and all my great confusions of mind through which all my evil deeds and strange actions have come upon me: all of them may I merit to abandon and remove from myself completely, from now and forever.

Help me from now to repair my wisdom — and may I merit to guard my brain and my thought and my wisdom and my intellect from every kind of evil thought and alien reasonings [ sichliyos chitzoniyim ]. And may I not allow any alien thought or any alien wisdom to enter my mind at all — neither the alien wisdoms of philosophical inquiry [ chokimos chitzoniyos shel chakirot hafilosofiah ], nor other matters of inquiry and alien wisdoms that rise upon the mind to confuse [one away] from Your service; [such as] to inquire into matters of Your governance and Your ways, G‑d forbid; or to entertain thoughts, G‑d forbid, against true tzadikim and truly fit people of the generation. And similarly all other matters of alien wisdoms and levity that are prevalent in the world — and particularly in this generation — wherein they are wise in their own eyes and discerning before their own faces; but in truth all these wisdoms are no wisdoms at all, for they have despised the word of Hashem — and what wisdom do they have? [ Jeremiah 8:9 ]. And similarly from all other kinds of alien wisdoms and intellections that are not needed for Your true service; and from every kind of alien thought and every kind of musing and confusion and turbidity of mind — from all of them may You save me and guard me and rescue me. And be with me always at every time and every moment — and shield me and guard my brain and my wisdom and my thought; that I not begin to allow, G‑d forbid, any thought from these evil thoughts to enter my mind and brain and thought; and no alien or external thought whatsoever. And may I merit to sanctify my brain and my thought always in great holiness.

Help me from now to repair my wisdom — and may I merit to guard my brain and my thought and my wisdom and my intellect from every kind of evil thought and alien reasonings [ sichliyos chitzoniyim ]. And may I not allow any alien thought or any alien wisdom to enter my mind at all — neither the alien wisdoms of philosophical inquiry [ chokimos chitzoniyos shel chakirot hafilosofiah ], nor other matters of inquiry and alien wisdoms that rise upon the mind to confuse [one away] from Your service; [such as] to inquire into matters of Your governance and Your ways, G‑d forbid; or to entertain thoughts, G‑d forbid, against true tzadikim and truly fit people of the generation. And similarly all other matters of alien wisdoms and levity that are prevalent in the world — and particularly in this generation — wherein they are wise in their own eyes and discerning before their own faces; but in truth all these wisdoms are no wisdoms at all, for they have despised the word of Hashem — and what wisdom do they have? [ Jeremiah 8:9 ]. And similarly from all other kinds of alien wisdoms and intellections that are not needed for Your true service; and from every kind of alien thought and every kind of musing and confusion and turbidity of mind — from all of them may You save me and guard me and rescue me. And be with me always at every time and every moment — and shield me and guard my brain and my wisdom and my thought; that I not begin to allow, G‑d forbid, any thought from these evil thoughts to enter my mind and brain and thought; and no alien or external thought whatsoever. And may I merit to sanctify my brain and my thought always in great holiness.

For it is revealed before You, Hashem my G‑d and G‑d of my fathers — that all my evil deeds and all the sins and iniquities and transgressions that I sinned and transgressed and rebelled before You — all of them came upon me through this alone: through my not having been careful to sanctify my thought; to hold and grasp my thought, to seize it and bind it, so as not to allow any turbidity of mind or any musing in the world to enter it. And I did not guard the thought within the brain — until I allowed my mind and my thought to be scattered into alien thoughts and alien wisdoms of foolishness and vanity. And every alien thought that I brought into the brain — correspondingly the holiness of my intellect was diminished. And upon this was built all the evil traits and all the evil desires that have seized hold of me from my youth until this very day — until I walk through the world now like a man through whose body every kind of arrow and spear has passed, and they are still embedded in his body; and still all the ambushers and enemies follow him; and they surround him and ambush him at every time and moment — so that he not flee to any place of rescue and refuge. He has walled me in and I cannot go out — He has made my copper chains heavy [ Lamentations 3:7 ]. And all this through the blemish of the thought within the brain — wherein I greatly multiplied transgressions in this; until my mind became very, very scattered; until it is almost the case, G‑d forbid, that my entire brain and mind are filled with very many evil and unseemly and alien confusions and alien thoughts. See my affliction and release me — sustain me according to Your lovingkindness [ Psalms 119:153 ]. Deliver me, Hashem, from an evil man — guard me from men of violence [ Psalms 140:2 ]. For You know that it is impossible for me to set forth all my speech — for there is no language in the world by which I can name before You my blemishes and my distance from You. And I am like one wandering in the depths of the sea's abyss. And I myself am the guilty party in all this. But for this I have come to seek and to ask and to beseech before You, Hashem my G‑d and G‑d of my fathers — that You be gracious to me through Your mercies that I not be guilty any longer; and through Your abundant mercies may You make me innocent and not guilty.

Have mercy upon me through Your mercies — and help me from now to sanctify my thought always. For even though my entire brain is full of very many confusions and turbidities; and evil musings and alien thoughts and alien intellections rise upon my thought in great abundance — even so, I still have hope to be rescued from them through Your great power: to drive them away and to remove them from upon me and from within my borders, from now and forever. Therefore I have come to set forth my speech and to spread out my palms before You, Hashem my G‑d and G‑d of my fathers. For You are good and You benefit all — and are full of true mercies and immense lovingkindnesses at every time and every hour and every moment. Have pity and compassion upon me and be with me always — and help me and guard me to sanctify my thought and my wisdom always. And may I merit to hold and grasp my brain and my mind and my thought; and may I not allow any alien wisdom or any alien thought to enter my thought at all. And may I merit to rebuke them and to drive them away from upon me and from within my borders; and to divert my mind from them completely — as it is written: Rebuke the beast of the reed [ Psalms 68:31 ]. In such a manner that I merit to remove them and shatter them and nullify them from me with a complete nullification, from now and forever. And may I merit to acquire wisdom, acquire understanding [ Proverbs 4:5 ] — of holiness.

And may You help me and save me — that I merit to return swiftly to the source from which I was hewn [ l'makor asher nechtzavti misham ]; and may You restore my soul and spirit and neshamah to the place where its tent was at the beginning — to the resting-place and to the inheritance; to the place from which it was taken [ l'atar d'itnetilat mitaman ] — which is the supernal holy Wisdom [ chokhmah ila'ah dikdushah ] from which we were hewn; as it is written: All of them You made with wisdom [ Psalms 104:24 ]. And grant me merit that I not use my intellect in any matter or occupation whatsoever — not in any alien wisdom and not in any alien thought at all; except only in the contemplation of the service of the blessed Name, in great holiness and purity, in truth and in complete faith. And may my intellect continually grow — and may I merit to sanctify my intellect always; and to add wisdom and understanding and knowledge in great holiness each and every day and at every time. And may I always merit to go out and to ascend from the contracted state of mind [ mochim d'katnus ] to the expanded state of mind [ mochim d'gadlus ] in great holiness — in truth and in faith as Your good will desires. And may I merit to attain at every time the attainment of Your service in truth at a higher rung — and in greater holiness and purity; until I merit to be as Your good will desires in truth.

And may You help me and save me — that I merit to return swiftly to the source from which I was hewn [ l'makor asher nechtzavti misham ]; and may You restore my soul and spirit and neshamah to the place where its tent was at the beginning — to the resting-place and to the inheritance; to the place from which it was taken [ l'atar d'itnetilat mitaman ] — which is the supernal holy Wisdom [ chokhmah ila'ah dikdushah ] from which we were hewn; as it is written: All of them You made with wisdom [ Psalms 104:24 ]. And grant me merit that I not use my intellect in any matter or occupation whatsoever — not in any alien wisdom and not in any alien thought at all; except only in the contemplation of the service of the blessed Name, in great holiness and purity, in truth and in complete faith. And may my intellect continually grow — and may I merit to sanctify my intellect always; and to add wisdom and understanding and knowledge in great holiness each and every day and at every time. And may I always merit to go out and to ascend from the contracted state of mind [ mochim d'katnus ] to the expanded state of mind [ mochim d'gadlus ] in great holiness — in truth and in faith as Your good will desires. And may I merit to attain at every time the attainment of Your service in truth at a higher rung — and in greater holiness and purity; until I merit to be as Your good will desires in truth.

And may You help me and save me — that I merit to return swiftly to the source from which I was hewn [ l'makor asher nechtzavti misham ]; and may You restore my soul and spirit and neshamah to the place where its tent was at the beginning — to the resting-place and to the inheritance; to the place from which it was taken [ l'atar d'itnetilat mitaman ] — which is the supernal holy Wisdom [ chokhmah ila'ah dikdushah ] from which we were hewn; as it is written: All of them You made with wisdom [ Psalms 104:24 ]. And grant me merit that I not use my intellect in any matter or occupation whatsoever — not in any alien wisdom and not in any alien thought at all; except only in the contemplation of the service of the blessed Name, in great holiness and purity, in truth and in complete faith. And may my intellect continually grow — and may I merit to sanctify my intellect always; and to add wisdom and understanding and knowledge in great holiness each and every day and at every time. And may I always merit to go out and to ascend from the contracted state of mind [ mochim d'katnus ] to the expanded state of mind [ mochim d'gadlus ] in great holiness — in truth and in faith as Your good will desires. And may I merit to attain at every time the attainment of Your service in truth at a higher rung — and in greater holiness and purity; until I merit to be as Your good will desires in truth.

And help me to renew my brain and intellect and neshamah always — and teach me and instruct me always how to conduct myself in the matter of sleep; in such a manner that I can renew my brain always. For You know that we are compelled to guard our sleep very carefully — in order to renew our brain and our intellect so that our mind not become confused, G‑d forbid. And You also know the immense harm of excessive sleep, G‑d forbid — that one wastes precious time more valuable than all wealth; for an hour that is lost from time in sleep or in the vanities of this world, G‑d forbid — has no substitute in the world; and there is no loss in the world like the loss of time. And I am brutish and know not at all how to conduct myself in this — in the matter of the conduct of sleep at all. Therefore I set forth my speech before You — and I surrender myself over to You alone: Into Your hand I entrust my spirit — You have redeemed me, Hashem G‑d of truth [ Psalms 31:6 ]: that You guard my going out and my coming in; and be with me always and guide me in Your truth; and teach me at every time how to conduct myself in the matter of sleep — to sleep at its proper time and in its proper moment, only at the time of necessity, as Your good will desires. And help me — that I merit to minimize sleep; and sanctify me in great holiness; and drive away every kind of confusion from my brain and my thought. Until I merit through little sleep to give rest to my brain — and may my brain and my neshamah be renewed and strengthened from their fatigue through minimal sleep, in the ultimate minimization. And grant me merit to sleep in great holiness and purity. And have mercy upon me — and help me and open for my neshamah gates of mercy and lovingkindness; and command Your holy angels to allow my neshamah to enter the gates of holiness in the hour of my sleep; and may my neshamah and my intellect rise and enter into the holy faith [ emunah kedoshah ] in the hour of my sleep. And may I merit to renew my intellect and my neshamah within the faith in the hour of sleep. And may the verse be fulfilled in us: New every morning — great is Your faithfulness [ Lamentations 3:23 ]. And may I always merit to receive a new intellect and a new soul from the light of the [Divine] face through sleep in holiness and purity. And grant me merit to recite the Shema at bedtime [ Krias Shema al hamita ] in great and awe-inspiring holiness, and with self-sacrifice [ mesiras nefesh ] for the sanctification of the Name in truth. And may I merit to confess all my sins and iniquities and transgressions before sleep — and to return in complete repentance for all that I blemished on that day. And may I merit to truly accept upon myself not to return to my foolishness. And may I merit to accept upon myself before sleep always the four modes of death by the court [ arba misos beis din ] in truth and with a whole heart. And You have mercy upon me — and forgive me and pardon me and atone for me for all that I blemished before You; and purify my soul and spirit and neshamah . And command through Your mercies to open for my neshamah the gates of mercy — the gates of holy faith. And may my neshamah enter into the holy faith in the hour of sleep; until it ascends through the faith to the light of the holy face. Until I merit to renew my neshamah and my intellect — to draw upon myself and to receive at every time a new intellect and a new soul from the light of Your face by way of the holy faith.

Master of the Universe — have mercy upon me through Your abundant mercies; and grant me merit to all this in the merit of the true tzadikim before whom no gate is closed. In their merit and their power — purify me and sanctify me in Your supernal holiness; and open for me all the gates of the holy faith and all the gates of holiness; until my neshamah ascends to the light of the face. Open for me the gates of righteousness — I shall enter them and give thanks to G‑d [ Psalms 118:19 ]. Cause Your face to shine upon Your servant — save me with Your lovingkindness [ Psalms 31:17 ]. Cause Your face to shine upon Your servant and teach me Your statutes [ Psalms 119:135 ]. And grant me merit to draw down and receive a new neshamah and new intellect from the seventy faces of the holy Torah [ shiv'im panim shel haTorah ] — and may I merit to attain and to understand the seventy faces of the Torah; and may You illuminate my eyes with the light of Your Torah. And grant me merit to see always at every time the light of the faces of the true tzadikim — to receive their presence [ kabeil peneihem ] always; and may their holy faces shine upon me with mercy and great lovingkindness; and with love and great compassion, with a welcoming and pleasant countenance — until I merit to receive a new neshamah and new intellect from the light of the faces of the tzadikim .

And have mercy upon us through Your abundant mercies — and grant us merit, us and all Your people the House of Israel, to always be cleaving to You in truth and in faith in the ultimate completeness; and may we merit to fulfill the commandment and to Him shall you cleave [ Deuteronomy 10:20 ] in completeness as Your good will desires — at the ultimate height and loftiest rung, in great holiness and purity. And may we merit to give rest to our brain and intellect — and in the time when the brain becomes weary through the very great intensity of cleaving, may we then merit to engage in the plain level of the Torah [ peshutei Oraisa ] in truth and in complete faith. And may we merit to meditate in Your Torah always — and to study much Shas and legal decisors [ Poskim ]; and through this may our brains and intellects and souls return and be renewed. And may we merit to draw down and receive a new intellect and a new soul from the light of the holy face — through the study of the plain level of the Torah in truth and in complete faith.

And have mercy upon us through Your abundant mercies — and grant us merit, us and all Your people the House of Israel, to always be cleaving to You in truth and in faith in the ultimate completeness; and may we merit to fulfill the commandment and to Him shall you cleave [ Deuteronomy 10:20 ] in completeness as Your good will desires — at the ultimate height and loftiest rung, in great holiness and purity. And may we merit to give rest to our brain and intellect — and in the time when the brain becomes weary through the very great intensity of cleaving, may we then merit to engage in the plain level of the Torah [ peshutei Oraisa ] in truth and in complete faith. And may we merit to meditate in Your Torah always — and to study much Shas and legal decisors [ Poskim ]; and through this may our brains and intellects and souls return and be renewed. And may we merit to draw down and receive a new intellect and a new soul from the light of the holy face — through the study of the plain level of the Torah in truth and in complete faith.

And have mercy upon us through Your abundant mercies — and grant us merit, us and all Your people the House of Israel, to always be cleaving to You in truth and in faith in the ultimate completeness; and may we merit to fulfill the commandment and to Him shall you cleave [ Deuteronomy 10:20 ] in completeness as Your good will desires — at the ultimate height and loftiest rung, in great holiness and purity. And may we merit to give rest to our brain and intellect — and in the time when the brain becomes weary through the very great intensity of cleaving, may we then merit to engage in the plain level of the Torah [ peshutei Oraisa ] in truth and in complete faith. And may we merit to meditate in Your Torah always — and to study much Shas and legal decisors [ Poskim ]; and through this may our brains and intellects and souls return and be renewed. And may we merit to draw down and receive a new intellect and a new soul from the light of the holy face — through the study of the plain level of the Torah in truth and in complete faith.

And therefore have mercy upon us and upon all Your people the House of Israel — and grant us merit to conduct business in great faith [ b'emunah gedolah ]; and may we never deviate from or change our word — even for great wealth. And may we merit to study and to fulfill all the laws that apply to and concern commerce [ masa u'matan ] — which are all the monetary laws [ dinei mamonos ]. And may we merit to tie our thought to the holy Torah in the hour of commerce — and may our thought be tied to the Torah laws that are clothed within the commerce. And may You save us that we never stumble in the iniquity of false measures and weights — neither in error nor in deliberation, neither under compulsion nor willingly. And may I never mislead my fellow in any monetary deception [ ona'as mamon ] or verbal deception [ ona'as devarim ] forever. And may I merit to conduct commerce in great holiness and in complete faith, in absolute truth; and help us that we merit to fulfill in the hour of commerce: one who speaks truth in his heart [ Psalms 15:2 ] — as did Rav Safra [ who held to his inner price decision even when offered more, so as not to lie in his heart ]; and may we never deviate from what was settled in our heart — rather may we merit to fulfill the transaction exactly as was settled in our heart: whether to sell it or to purchase it. And through this may You grant us merit through Your abundant mercies — and may You shelter us and spread over us Your canopy of peace [ sukas shlomecha ]; and draw through Your mercies the light of the holy chashmal [ the luminous radiance of Ezekiel 1:4] from the world of Binah [supernal Understanding] — to guard the holy faith so that no stranger touch it. And may we merit to complete and true faith always in great holiness — until we merit, through the conducting of commerce in truth and in faith, to receive a new intellect and a new soul from the light of the [Divine] face. And may You grant us merit that all of us — we, Your people the House of Israel — be absorbed into one another; until the commerce conducted in faith by the fitting merchants becomes a benefit to the true Torah scholars and to the true tzadikim and fitting people — who are entirely free of all commerce and engage in Torah and service always — so that their intellect be renewed through the commerce of the fitting merchants who conduct commerce in truth and in complete faith; until we all merit to draw down and receive at every time a new intellect and a new soul from the light of the [Divine] face.

And may You help us — that we merit to clarify and raise all the holy sparks that fell among the klippos [husks] through our many sins and iniquities; and may we merit to clarify them and raise them all up to holiness — to return and to bring them back within the holy faith; through the conducting of commerce in truth and in complete faith. And may You have mercy upon all the scattered ones — upon all the holy sparks that are scattered and dispersed among the klippos and the nations; and may You return and gather them and bring them back within holiness — within the holy faith; and purify them and sanctify them in Your supernal holiness; until they merit to rise and appear before You, and to shine in the light of Your face. And grant us merit through Your mercies to fulfill the commandment of tefillin [ mitzvas tefillin ] as is fitting — with all its particulars and its minutiae and its intentions [ kavanos ] and the 613 commandments that depend upon it; with a good heart and great joy and with powerful awe and love. And help me that I never allow my mind to be diverted from the tefillin [ lo assiach da'ati min hatefillin ]; and may I merit that the light of Your face shine upon me through the holiness of the holy commandment of tefillin. And may the verse be fulfilled in me: And all the peoples of the earth shall see that the Name of Hashem is called upon you — and they shall fear you [ Deuteronomy 28:10 ]. And may I merit that the light of the holy chashmal be drawn upon me through the holy straps [ retzu'os ] of the tefillin — and through this may I merit to complete faith in truth always. And may I merit to be tied to You and to cleave to You in truth through the tying of the tefillin upon my head and my arm [ zeroi ]. And may You grant me merit to draw upon myself always the holiness of the light of the holy tefillin — and to always receive a new intellect and a new soul from the light of the [Divine] face.

And may You help us — that we merit to clarify and raise all the holy sparks that fell among the klippos [husks] through our many sins and iniquities; and may we merit to clarify them and raise them all up to holiness — to return and to bring them back within the holy faith; through the conducting of commerce in truth and in complete faith. And may You have mercy upon all the scattered ones — upon all the holy sparks that are scattered and dispersed among the klippos and the nations; and may You return and gather them and bring them back within holiness — within the holy faith; and purify them and sanctify them in Your supernal holiness; until they merit to rise and appear before You, and to shine in the light of Your face. And grant us merit through Your mercies to fulfill the commandment of tefillin [ mitzvas tefillin ] as is fitting — with all its particulars and its minutiae and its intentions [ kavanos ] and the 613 commandments that depend upon it; with a good heart and great joy and with powerful awe and love. And help me that I never allow my mind to be diverted from the tefillin [ lo assiach da'ati min hatefillin ]; and may I merit that the light of Your face shine upon me through the holiness of the holy commandment of tefillin. And may the verse be fulfilled in me: And all the peoples of the earth shall see that the Name of Hashem is called upon you — and they shall fear you [ Deuteronomy 28:10 ]. And may I merit that the light of the holy chashmal be drawn upon me through the holy straps [ retzu'os ] of the tefillin — and through this may I merit to complete faith in truth always. And may I merit to be tied to You and to cleave to You in truth through the tying of the tefillin upon my head and my arm [ zeroi ]. And may You grant me merit to draw upon myself always the holiness of the light of the holy tefillin — and to always receive a new intellect and a new soul from the light of the [Divine] face.