צד
ליקוטי תפילות - Likutay Tefilos
רִבּוֹנוֹ שֶׁל עוֹלָם, זַכֵּנִי בְּרַחֲמֶיךָ הָרַבִּים לְמִדַּת הַשָּׁלוֹם, וְאֶזְכֶּה לִהְיוֹת אוֹהֵב שָׁלוֹם וְרוֹדֵף שָׁלוֹם תָּמִיד, כְּמוֹ שֶׁכָּתוּב, סוּר מֵרָע וַעֲשֵׂה טוֹב בַּקֵּשׁ שָׁלוֹם וְרָדְפֵהוּ. וְאֶזְכֶּה בְּכָל־עֵת לַעֲשׂוֹת שָׁלוֹם בֵּין אָדָם לַחֲבֵרוֹ וּבֵין אִישׁ לְאִשְׁתּוֹ. וְתִשְׁמְרֵנִי וְתַצִּילֵנִי בְּרַחֲמֶיךָ הָרַבִּים, מִמִּדַּת הַנִּצָחוֹן וּמַחֲלֹקֶת דְּסִטְרָא אַחֲרָא, שֶׁלֹּא יִהְיֶה בְּלִבִּי שׁוּם נִצָּחוֹן וּמַחֲלֹקֶת דְּסִטְרָא אַחֲרָא הַנִּמְשָׁכִין מֵהַדָּמִים שֶׁל הַגּוּף, שֶׁעֲדַיִן לֹא עָבְדוּ בָּהֶם אֶת הַשֵּׁם יִתְבָּרַךְ, וּתְרַחֵם עָלַי וְתוֹשִׁיעֵנִי וּתְזַכֵּנִי מֵעַתָּה לַעֲסֹק הַרְבֵּה בְּתוֹרָה וּתְפִלָּה, שֶׁאֶזְכֶּה לְדַבֵּר הַרְבֵּה בְּתוֹרָה וּתְפִלָּה בְּכָל יוֹם תָּמִיד, עַד שֶׁאַכְנִיס כָּל טִפֵּי הַדָּמִים שֶׁיֵּשׁ בִּי בְּתוֹךְ הַדִּבּוּרִים הַקְּדוֹשִׁים שֶׁל תּוֹרָה וּתְפִלָּה, וְיִהְיוּ נַעֲשִׂין מִכָּל הַטִּפֵּי דָמִים שֶׁבְּקִרְבִּי דִּבּוּרִים קְדוֹשִׁים שֶׁל תּוֹרָה וּתְפִלָּה, וְלֹא יִהְיֶה נִשְׁאַר בִּי שׁוּם טִפָּה דָּם שֶׁלֹּא עָבְדָה אֶת הַשֵּׁם יִתְבָּרַךְ, רַק אֶזְכֶּה לַעֲבֹד אֶת הַשֵּׁם יִתְבָּרַךְ, בְּכָל כֹּחִי כָּל יְמֵי חַיַּי בְּכָל טִפֵּי הַדָּמִים שֶׁיֵּשׁ בִּי. וְאֶזְכֶּה לְדַבֵּר הַרְבֵּה בְּתוֹרָה וּתְפִלָּה, עַד שֶׁיִּהְיֶה הַגּוּף בָּטֵל לְגַמְרֵי כְּאַין וְאֶפֶס מַמָּשׁ. וּתְזַכֵּנִי בְּרַחֲמֶיךָ הָרַבִּים, לְיִרְאָה שְׁלֵמָה מִפָּנֶיךָ תָמִיד. וְתַמְשִׁיךְ וְתַשְׁפִּיעַ בְּלִבִּי יִרְאָה וּבוּשָׁה וָפַחַד וְאֵימָה גְּדוֹלָה מִפָּנֶיךָ תָמִיד, עַד אֲשֶׁר יִתְבַּטֵּל הַגּוּף לְגַמְרֵי כְּאַין וְאֶפֶס הַמֻּחְלָט עַל־יְדֵי עֹצֶם הַיִּרְאָה הַגְּדוֹלָה שֶׁתַּשְׁפִּיעַ בְּלִבִּי, וּבִפְרָט בְּעֵת עוֹסְקִי בְּדִבּוּרֵי תוֹרָה וּתְפִלָּה שֶׁלֹּא אֶשְׁמַע אָז אֶת הַגּוּף כְּלָל, רַק אֶת הַדִּבּוּרִים הַקְּדוֹשִׁים שֶׁל תּוֹרָה וּתְפִלָּה, וְיִתְבַּטֵּל הַגּוּף לְגַמְרֵי לְגַבֵּי הַדִבּוּרִים הַקְּדוֹשִׁים שֶׁל תּוֹרָה וּתְפִלָּה, וְעַל־יְדֵי־זֶה אֶזְכֶּה לְבָרֵר וּלְלַקֵּט וּלְהַעֲלוֹת וּלְצָרֵף כָּל הָאוֹתִיּוֹת וְהַנִּיצוֹצוֹת שֶׁנָּפְלוּ לְמַטָּה בִּבְחִינַת שִׁבְרֵי כֵּלִים, עַל־יְדֵי עֲוֹנוֹתַי וַחֲטָאַי וּפְשָׁעַי הָעֲצוּמִים בְּגִלְגּוּל זֶה וּבְגִלְגּוּל אַחֵר, אֲשֶׁר הֵם גּוֹרְמִים מַחֲלֹקֶת וְקֻשְׁיוֹת וּבִלְבּוּלִים וּמְנִיעוֹת מֵעֲבוֹדָתְךָ הַקְּדוֹשָׁה, וּמֵהֶם בָּאִים כָּל הַתַּאֲווֹת שֶׁבָּעוֹלָם, וְהַכֹּל אֶזְכֶּה לְבָרֵר וּלְהַעֲלוֹת לְשִׁמְךָ הַגָּדוֹל וְהַקָּדוֹשׁ, וּלְצָרְפָם וּלְחַבְּרָם וְלִבְנוֹת מֵהֶם בִּנְיָנִים וְעוֹלָמוֹת דִּקְדֻשָּׁה. וְתִתֶּן לִי כֹחַ בְּרַחֲמֶיךָ הָרַבִּים, לְהַעֲלוֹת אֶת כָּל הַנִּיצוֹצִין הַנְּפוּלִין אֵלֶיךָ בִּבְחִינַת הַעֲלָאַת מַנ (מַיִין נוּקְבִין). וְעַל־יְדֵי־זֶה יִהְיֶה נַעֲשָׂה יִחוּד קוּדְשָׁא בְּרִיךְ הוּא וּשְׁכִינְתֵּיהּ, וְעַל־יְדֵי־זֶה יִהְיֶה נִמְשָׁךְ שָׁלוֹם גָּדוֹל וְנִפְלָא לְמַעְלָה וּלְמַטָּה בְּכָל הָעוֹלָמוֹת כֻּלָּם, וְיִתְבַּטֵּל כָּל מִינֵי נִצָּחוֹן דְּסִטְרָא אַחֲרָא וְקִנְאָה וְשִׂנְאָה וְקִנְטוּר וּמַחֲלֹקֶת מִמֶּנִּי וּמִכָּל יִשְׂרָאֵל וּמִכָּל בְּנֵי עוֹלָם, רַק יִהְיֶה אַהֲבָה וְשָׁלוֹם גָּדוֹל בֵּין כָּל עַמְּךָ יִשְׂרָאֵל, וּבֵין כָּל הַנִּבְרָאִים וְהַנּוֹצָרִים וְהַנַּעֲשִׂים שֶׁבְּכָל הָעוֹלָמוֹת כֻּלָּם, וְעַל־יְדֵי־זֶה תַּמְשִׁיךְ וְתַשְׁפִּיעַ בְּרָכָה גְּדוֹלָה לָנוּ וּלְכָל יִשְׂרָאֵל וּלְכָל הָעוֹלָמוֹת כֻּלָּם. וּתְמַהֵר וְתָחִישׁ לְגָאֳלֵינוּ וְתָקִים אוֹתָנוּ מִנְּפִלָּתֵנוּ, וְתַעֲלֶה וְתָקִים אֶת כָּל בְּחִינַת הָרַגְלִין אֲשֶׁר יָרְדוּ לְמַטָּה בַּעֲוֹנוֹתֵינוּ, עָזֹב תַּעֲזֹב וְהָקֵם תָּקִים. הָקֵם עַל סֶלַע רַגְלָי וּתְכוֹנֵן אֲשׁוּרָי. וִיקֻיַּם מְהֵרָה מִקְרָא שֶׁכָּתוּב, וְעָמְדוּ רַגְלָיו בַּיּוֹם הַהוּא עַל הַר הַזֵּיתִים. וְתוֹלִיכֵנוּ מְהֵרָה קוֹמְמִיּוּת לְאַרְצֵנוּ, וְתִבְנֶה בֵּית קָדְשֵׁנוּ וְתִפְאַרְתֵּנוּ, וְשָׁם נַעֲבָדְךָ בְּיִרְאָה כִּימֵי עוֹלָם וּכְשָׁנִים קַדְמוֹנִיּוֹת:
May it be Your will, Hashem our G‑d and G‑d of our fathers — that You help me and save me through Your immense mercies, that I merit speedily to heal my soul with a complete healing, and to elevate it to the place of its root in great holiness and purity. And grant me merit to engage in Your holy Torah for its own sake always, day and night. And may I merit to labor in Your holy Torah — until I merit to know and to understand it thoroughly and in truth. And may I merit to learn and to teach, to observe and to do and to fulfill all the words of Your Torah with love. And have mercy upon me through Your abundant mercies, through Your great mercies — and nullify from upon me all manner of judgments that are in the world. And guard me and save me always from all the harsh judgments that are drawn from the sitra di'mesa'ava [the impure side], from the venom of the serpent. Please Hashem — Your mercies are very great; do not deal with me according to my sins, and do not repay me according to my iniquities. And do what You shall do through Your abundant mercies — guard my soul and save me from these harsh judgments that are drawn through the sitra achra [the other side]. And have mercy upon me and be in my help — and give me holy knowledge and holy intellect to engage in Your Torah in truth; in such a manner that I merit to sweeten even all the holy judgments that are drawn through holiness — which are the aspects of the mighty acts of Yitzhak [ gevuros Yitzhak ] — for all these holy judgments are for good; even those may I merit to sweeten so that they are transformed into complete lovingkindnesses; and all the more so that no harsh judgments, G‑d forbid, be derived from them. Master of the Universe — I know and I believe that all the judgments and sufferings that befall us — both the collective sufferings of Israel and what befalls each individual at every time and every season; and all the obstacles and confusions that prevent and confuse us from Your service — all of them are sent from You for our good. And even if we think them evil, G‑d forbid — G‑d intended it for good [ Genesis 50:20 ]; for Your intention is always for good — for the distancing is the very essence of the drawing near; and You chastise and afflict and test and refine us for our good; as it is written: Just as a man chastises his son, Hashem your G‑d chastises you [ Deuteronomy 8:5 ]. But because of the great feebleness of our souls, because of our many iniquities, and because of the great turbidity and materiality of our bodies — we are unable to receive even Your holy judgments; for the sufferings and the obstacles confuse and distract us greatly greatly; until the strength of the burden-bearer has given out; until through this we have grown so distant from You as we have grown distant. And in particular I — the impoverished and the destitute — etc., for You alone know all that has befallen me from my childhood, from my very beginning until this very day etc. (And here one should set forth one's whole discourse — all the obstacles and confusions and sufferings and provocations and trials and refinements that have befallen him from his beginning; and all the stumbling-blocks and sins and transgressions in which he has been ensnared etc. etc. — each person according to what he knows of his own heart and its wounds and its pains.) And certainly in all that has befallen me — in all of it Your intention was for good: to test me and to refine me through precisely these matters. But because of the immensity of the smallness and foolishness of my mind and the turbidity of my body — I was unable to stand in any fine aspect and in any light trial or refinement whatsoever. You have tested my heart; You have visited at night; You have refined me — find nothing wrong; my intent shall not go past my mouth [ Psalms 17:3 ]. Master of the Universe — He Who says to His world: Enough — may He say: Enough to my troubles. And may He have mercy upon me through His many mercies, through His great mercies — through the power of the mercies that all the true tzadikim labored and attained; and may He sweeten and nullify all the judgments from upon me and from upon all the members of my household and from upon all who are joined to me and from upon all of Israel — for there is no one who stands in our defense in this generation in the footsteps of the Mashiach [ b'ikvesa dimeshicha ], in these latter days, in this time of distress — except the power and the merit of all the Seven Shepherds [ shiva ro'im ] and all the righteous ones who dwell in the dust [ shokhney afar ]; may their great power and their great merit shield us and advocate for us; and may they act according to their great wisdom and their abundant mercies — and sweeten and nullify from upon us all manner of judgments that are in the world; in such a manner that we merit from now to draw near to the Blessed Name in truth. And may there be drawn upon me and upon all of Israel a new heart and a new holy spirit [ lev chadash v'ruach chadashah dikdushah ]. And may I completely forget my evil way and my confused and evil thoughts. And may I merit from now to think only of Torah and service — in great holiness and purity; and to cleave to You and to Your true tzadikim and to Your holy Torah always; in such a manner that I merit to know and to understand Your holy Torah thoroughly and in truth. And through this may I merit to heal my soul from all its pains and ailments and its very many and immense and grievous wounds — beyond measure or value or number — with which I have greatly stricken and wounded and pained it through my many and very great transgressions and sins; for there is no way to heal it except through Your abundant mercies alone and through Your great and immense salvation — for nothing is withheld from You. True healer — healer without cost; faithful and merciful healer: have compassion upon me and speedily bring healing and a cure for all the ailments and pains of my soul and my body in spiritual and material matters; and speedily send a complete healing to all the sick of Your people the House of Israel (and in particular etc.). O G‑d — please heal them and us, quickly, speedily, swiftly: Heal us Hashem and we shall be healed; save us and we shall be saved — for You are our praise [ Jeremiah 17:14 ]. For we have no support or hope except upon You alone — upon Your immense mercies alone; and do with us as Your will desires — for we are in great distress; upon Whom can we lean? — upon our Father in Heaven. And have mercy upon us and save us to pray always; and to multiply prayers and supplications and entreaties every day — and may You not send upon us sufferings that involve the nullification of prayer, G‑d forbid; and no sufferings at all that are in the world; and may You not remove our prayer and Your lovingkindness from us; as it is written: Blessed is G‑d Who has not removed my prayer and His lovingkindness from me [ Psalms 66:20 ]. And have mercy upon us and save us and grant us merit to the holiness of Hoshana Rabbah and Simchas Torah — which are the aspects of speech without knowledge [ dibbur b'lo da'as ] and speech with knowledge [ dibbur b'da'as ]. That we merit to learn and to meditate in Your holy Torah always. And even at a time and in a place where we do not merit to understand the words of Your Torah thoroughly — may we merit to labor and to engage and to meditate in them and to learn even without understanding. And You in Your mercy shall accept even this engagement with Torah; and You shall rejoice in the words of our Torah even when they are without understanding. And may You plant from them great mighty trees standing around that river that are called willows of the brook [ arvei nachal ]. And may You arouse Your great mercies upon us — and be in our help; and open the eyes of our minds that we merit to go out from darkness to light. And may You illuminate our eyes with the light of Your Torah — that we merit to know and to understand and to comprehend all the words of Your Torah thoroughly and in truth; and to know all the laws and judgments of the Torah and all the ways of the Torah; and to strive in it on an upright path — until we merit to plant the Tree of Life on high of which all is healing [ ilana d'chayyei l'eila d'kola asvasa ]. And grant us merit every year to fulfill all the holy commandments that apply in these holy days — which are Hoshana Rabbah and Simchas Torah. And may we merit to rejoice in them with great joy and very great and immense exultation — in ultimate rejoicing in perfection in truth; and to sanctify ourselves in them with great holiness; in such a manner that we merit to repair all these repairs and more in these awesome holy days — which are the conclusion and the sealing [ gmar hachasimah ] and the repair of Rosh HaShanah and Yom Kippur. And help us and save us that we merit to fulfill the seven circuits [ hakafos ] of holy Hoshana Rabbah with the four holy and awesome species [ arba minim ] in ultimate perfection as Your good will desires. And may we merit to cry out and to cry to You and to pray the Hoshana prayers with a whole heart from the depths of the heart — as is fitting to cry out to Your salvation — on that awesome day; the day of the conclusion of the holy and awesome and very dreadful judgment [ gmar hadin ]. And may we merit to fulfill the commandment of the beating of the willow — the custom of Your holy prophets — with great holiness and great rejoicing. And may we sweeten through this all the judgments in ultimate sweetening; in such a manner that there be made the unification of the Holy One Blessed be He and His Shechinah [ yichud Kudsha Brich Hu uShechintei ] in a complete unification through our hands on the holy days of Shemini Atzeres and Simchas Torah. And may we merit to rejoice on Shemini Atzeres and Simchas Torah with very great and immense and boundless exultation and joy — for we have merited to be of the seed of Israel and to receive the holy Torah through Moshe Your prophet, the faithful one of Your house [ ne'eman beitecha ]. Fortunate are we — how good is our portion, and how pleasant is our lot, and how beautiful is our inheritance. Fortunate are we that we have merited to all this great and awesome good. Grant us merit and help us that we merit to draw this joy upon ourselves in our hearts throughout the entire year — and in particular on the holy day of Simchas Torah. And may we merit to rejoice always with this great joy as it is fitting to rejoice in it in truth. And may we merit to fulfill the circuits [ hakafos ] with the Torah scrolls on these holy days with very great and boundless joy; and let no stranger be mixed in our joy; and let there be no power for any preventer or obstructer to confuse or obstruct, G‑d forbid, our immense joy on these holy days. Let us exult and rejoice in You with wondrous cleaving [ devekus ] and great drawing near — with abundant love and eternal love; with joy that has no end or limit. And may we merit then to complete the holy Torah and to begin it anew with love and awe and great joy. And to accept upon ourselves anew to engage in Your Torah day and night for its own sake; and to fulfill all the words of Your Torah with love. Full of mercy — have mercy upon us and fill our entreaties for good with mercies; in such a manner that we merit to elevate our souls to their root in holiness — which is holy wisdom — through the engagement with the Torah in holiness and purity; until we merit to understand it in truth. And may we merit to know You in truth and to reveal Your divinity in the world; and may Your great glory be magnified and sanctified through us always; and may Your glory fill all the earth: May the glory of Hashem endure forever; may Hashem rejoice in His works [ Psalms 104:31 ]. Be exalted above the heavens, O G‑d; above all the earth be Your glory [ Psalms 57:12 ]. Blessed is Hashem G‑d, the G‑d of Israel — Who alone performs wonders. And blessed be His glorious Name forever; and may His glory fill all the earth — Amen and Amen [ Psalms 72:18–19 ]. Master of the Universe — grant me merit through Your abundant mercies to the attribute of peace [ midas hashalom ]; and may I merit to be a lover of peace and a pursuer of peace always; as it is written: Turn from evil and do good; seek peace and pursue it [ Psalms 34:15 ]. And may I merit at all times to make peace between one person and his fellow and between a man and his wife. And guard me and save me through Your abundant mercies from the attribute of contentiousness and dispute of the sitra achra — that there be in my heart no contentiousness and dispute of the sitra achra that are drawn from the bloods of the body that have not yet served the Blessed Name. And have mercy upon me and save me and grant me merit from now to engage greatly in Torah and prayer — that I merit to speak greatly in Torah and prayer every day always; until I bring all the drops of blood within me inside the holy words of Torah and prayer; and from all the drops of blood within me there shall be made holy words of Torah and prayer; and there shall not remain within me any single drop of blood that has not served the Blessed Name — but rather I shall merit to serve the Blessed Name with all my power all the days of my life with all the drops of blood that are within me. And may I merit to speak greatly in Torah and prayer — until the body is nullified entirely as if nothing whatsoever in truth. And grant me merit through Your abundant mercies to complete awe before You always. And may You draw down and cause to flow within my heart awe and shame and dread and great terror before You always — until the body is nullified entirely as absolutely nothing through the immensity of the great awe that You shall cause to flow within my heart; and in particular at the time of my engaging in the holy words of Torah and prayer — that I not hear the body at all then; only the holy words of Torah and prayer; and the body shall be entirely nullified against the holy words of Torah and prayer. And through this may I merit to clarify and to gather and to elevate and to refine all the letters and sparks [ nitzotsin ] that fell below in the aspect of the breaking of the vessels [ shivrey keilim ] — through my sins and my transgressions in this incarnation and in another incarnation; which cause dispute and difficulties and confusions and obstacles from Your holy service; and from them come all the desires of the world. And all of it may I merit to clarify and to elevate to Your great and holy Name; and to refine them and to unite them and to build from them holy structures and worlds [ binyanim v'olamos dikdushah ]. And give me power through Your abundant mercies — to elevate all the fallen sparks to You in the aspect of the elevation of the feminine waters [ ha'alas mayim nukvin ]. And through this the unification of the Holy One Blessed be He and His Shechinah shall be made; and through this there shall be drawn down great and wondrous peace — above and below in all the worlds together; and all manner of contentiousness of the sitra achra , and jealousy, and hatred, and provocation, and dispute shall be nullified from me and from all of Israel and from all the inhabitants of the world — but rather let there be love and great peace among all Your people Israel and among all created beings in all the worlds together. And through this may You draw down and cause to flow great blessing upon us and upon all of Israel and upon all the worlds together. And hasten and hurry to redeem us and lift us up from our fallen state; and raise up and establish all the aspects of the legs that descended below through our iniquities: You shall surely help and surely raise up [ Deuteronomy 22:4 ]. Set my feet upon a rock and make my steps firm [ Psalms 40:3 ]. And may the verse speedily be fulfilled: And His feet shall stand on that day upon the Mount of Olives [ Zechariah 14:4 ]. And lead us speedily upright to our Land; and build our holy Temple and our glory; and there we shall serve You in awe as in the days of old and as in former years. Full of mercy — fill our entreaties for good with mercies; for our needs are very very great and our knowledge is too short to explain; and You examine hearts and minds; and before You all the hidden things of the heart are revealed; and You know that in the inner depths of our hearts we long greatly to return to You in truth; and we yearn and await at all times to find an opening of hope to return and to draw close to You in truth. Help us for the sake of Your Name; grant us merit to all that we have entreated from before You. May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable before You — Hashem , my Rock and my Redeemer [ Psalms 19:15 ]. He Who makes peace in His heights — may He in His mercies make peace upon us and upon all of Israel; and say: Amen. Master of peace — King to Whom peace belongs; Who makes peace and creates all things. Help us and save us — all of us — that we merit always to hold fast to the attribute of peace; and that there be true great peace in truth between every person and his fellow and between a man and his wife; and let there be no dispute at all — even in the heart — among all human beings; for You make peace in Your heights; and You join two opposites together — fire and water; and through Your immense wonders You make peace between them. So too may You draw down great peace upon us and upon all the world — in such a manner that all opposites shall be joined together in great peace and great love; and may all be included in one mind and one heart to draw close to You and to Your Torah in truth; and may they all become one bundle to do Your will with a whole heart. Hashem of peace — bless us with peace; and through this may You draw down upon us all the blessings and all the divine influxes and all the salvations. And help me and save me through Your abundant mercies — that I merit always to surrender my soul for the sanctification of the Name in truth; and in particular at the time of the recitation of the Shema and prayer: that I merit always to pray and to recite the Shema with true self-sacrifice [ mesiras nefesh ] in truth. And may I merit to accept upon my mind with truly strong will to surrender my soul to die for the sanctification of the Name; to be inflamed with the flames of love [ shalhevinin di'rchimusa ]; and to overpower my inclination; to surrender all my body and my soul and my very being in order to sanctify Your great and holy and awesome Name. And through this may I merit always to pray with great concentration [ kavanah ] in holiness and purity in truth — to bring all my mind and my thought and my knowledge inside the words of prayer; and to bind the thought to the speech with a strong and firm bond; and not to utter any word of prayer without concentration, G‑d forbid; in such a manner that we merit that You delight in our prayers always; and that You have great pleasure and delight from our prayers; and may our prayers ascend and be accepted before You to be a crown upon Your head. And may You cause to flow upon us wisdom and understanding and knowledge; and save us with all manner of salvations; and open our hearts in the study of Your Torah; and may we merit to understand well in every place where we study; and may You illuminate our eyes with the light of Your Torah. And help us and save us to renew true novellae [ chiddushim ] in Your holy Torah; and may You draw down upon us a wondrous illumination from the Torah that You are destined to reveal through our righteous Mashiach; as it is written: And you shall draw water with joy from the springs of salvation [ Isaiah 12:3 ]; and the Targum renders it: And you shall receive new teaching. Master of the Universe — full of mercy: send me many salvations at every time and moment from the springs of salvation; for You have revealed to us that You have springs of salvation that are never interrupted — like the flowing spring that does not cease. Help me and save me with complete and true salvations from these holy springs. Grant me merit and save me through the power and the merit of the true tzadikim who are the aspect of the springs of salvation — who merited to attain and to reveal and to draw the waters of Torah with joy from the springs of salvation; who have great and eternal power — to help and to protect and to save all who take refuge in them; to rescue them from the lowest depths and from below them; and to grant them merit to eternal life forever and ever; as is revealed before You — Master of truth and peace. Help me and save me and grant me merit through their merit — that I merit to be renewed from now; to begin from now to draw upon myself true wisdom and true salvation — to abandon my evil way and my shameful thoughts; and not return to my folly. Rather may I merit to bring all my wisdom and my knowledge into Your holy Torah; and to bind my thought to Torah and prayer always with a strong and firm bond; and not to allow the thought to go outside at all — even by a hairbreadth. And hasten to take me out and to rescue me from the willful waters; from the depths of the sea; from the miry clay and there is no standing; from chaos and void and darkness and the deep [ tohu vavohu v'choshech ut'hom ]. And save me at every time and moment with wondrous salvations from the springs of salvation — for it is revealed and known before You, Master of salvations: that because of the immensity of my distance from You beyond measure; and the evil inclination overpowers at all times with many manners of strengthening and obstacles and obstructions and confusions and crookedness of heart beyond number — I need many and wondrous salvations at every time and moment; that You open to us through Your immense mercies the springs of salvation; so that the salvation shall flow and renew itself for us at every time and moment; in such a manner that we merit to be saved at every time from what we need to be saved — through the ways of Your wondrous salvations that renew and flow at every time and moment from the springs of salvation. And may You sanctify us and purify us through them from all the impurities and from all the idolatries and from all the stains and from all the blemishes in the world. And fulfill for us the verse that is written: And I shall sprinkle upon you pure waters and you shall be purified from all your impurities and from all your idols I shall purify you [ Ezekiel 36:25 ]. Master of the Universe — Who causes salvations to sprout: fill our entreaties for good with mercies; and save me speedily in all that I need to be saved — in material and spiritual matters; in such a manner that I merit from now to return to You and to draw close to You in truth. And may the verse speedily be fulfilled in us: Behold G‑d is my salvation — I shall trust and not fear; for my strength and my song is G‑d Hashem and He has been my salvation. And you shall draw water with joy from the springs of salvation [ Isaiah 12:2–3 ]. And it is said: Salvation is Hashem 's — upon Your people is Your blessing, Selah [ Psalms 3:9 ]. Hashem — save! May the King answer us on the day we call [ Psalms 20:10 ]. And may it be good in Your eyes to bless us and to bless all Your people Israel at every time and at every hour with Your good peace; and fulfill for us the verse that is written: Hashem will give strength to His people; Hashem will bless His people with peace [ Psalms 29:11 ]. May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable before You — Hashem , my Rock and my Redeemer [ Psalms 19:15 ]. He Who makes peace in His heights — may He make peace upon us and upon all of Israel; and say: Amen. Master of the Universe — help me and save me that I merit to be silent and still toward those who taunt me and who shame my soul; and toward those who curse me — my soul shall be silent; and I shall be among those who are shamed and do not shame others; who hear their disgrace and do not answer back; who act from love and are joyful in sufferings. And grant me merit that I not intend to cause them pain through my silence when I am silent toward them — rather all my intention in my silence shall be from love in truth. And be in my help always that I be scrupulous with great care not to shame or to revile the face of my fellow or of any person in the world — even those who taunt me and shame me; all the more so those who do not shame me. Please Hashem — guard me and save me from this grave sin of one who whitens the face of his fellow in public — for he has no share in the World to Come. And guard me and save me at all times from shaming any person in the world — from great to small; for I have already been ensnared in this many times — unknowingly and knowingly; under duress and willingly. In truth I have sinned before Hashem the G‑d of Israel — and before many people of Israel; all of whom are worthy and righteous compared to me; and I have shamed them many times and whitened their faces in public and spilled their blood like water. Our Father in Heaven — guard me from now; save me from now from this grave sin and from all sins in the world; and help me and grant me merit to repair all that I have blemished through this sin from my beginning until this very day. And may You arrange circumstances for good through Your mercies; in such a manner that I merit to come together with the people I have shamed and to appease them in truth — until they all forgive me with complete forgiveness in truth; with good will and a whole heart and a willing soul; and let there remain upon me no hatred or resentment from any person in the world; and no secret grievance in the heart. And from now on may You guard me and save me always so that I not shame or humiliate any person in the world — even in private; all the more so in public; and may I not treat lightly the honor of any child of Israel in the world; and may I not despise any person — but rather may I merit to be included in the collective of Israel Your people: to love each and every one of Israel like my own soul and my very being with all my heart in truth; and to fulfill the commandment: And you shall love your neighbor as yourself [ Leviticus 19:18 ] — in truth and in perfection as Your good will desires.
יב נִיסָן
And so grant me merit and help me and save me to overpower with all strength — to break and to nullify my evil inclination and all my evil desires and evil traits; and subdue my inclination to be subservient to You; until I merit to banish and to break and to subdue from upon me all the klippos and alien forces [ sitrin ochranin ] in all the worlds — both the three completely impure klippos which are: stormy wind [ ruach se'arah ], great cloud [ anan gadol ], and flashing fire [ eish mitlakachas ] [ Ezekiel 1:4 ]; and also the evil within nogah [the shell of luminescence]. All of it may I merit to destroy and to break and to nullify entirely — until I merit to clarify the aspect of nogah ; to clarify the good within it and to elevate it to holiness; in such a manner that nogah shall be included within the supernal holiness in truth; and all the impure klippos shall depart and be nullified from me with complete nullification and shall have no dominion or grip upon me, G‑d forbid — from now and forever. And help me and grant me merit to the true guarding of the Bris [the holy covenant]; and nullify and remove from me the klippah of the foreskin — the foreskin of the heart and the foreskin of the flesh; and may I merit to be truly included within Your supernal holiness. And grant me merit to receive the holy Shabbos with great holiness and with love and with will and with joy and exultation of heart; and let there arise upon my heart no worry or sadness at all — but rather may I merit to exult and to rejoice with all strength on the holy Shabbos day from its entry to its departure. And grant me merit to fulfill the commandment of bathing in warm water and paring the nails on every Shabbos eve in perfection as is fitting; in such a manner that I merit through this to repel and to nullify from upon me all three impure klippos so that they not attach to me at all. And may I merit to separate and clarify the aspect of nogah from all evil; and may nogah ascend and be included within Your supernal holiness; and all the klippos shall descend and fall to the female of the great deep [ nukva ditehoma rabba ] and be destroyed and utterly nullified — and they shall have no grip upon the holiness at all. And may I merit to receive the additional Shabbos [ tosefes Shabbos ]; and may You give me an additional holy and pure soul [ neshamah yeseirah ] each and every Shabbos. And may I merit — within the collective of Your upright people Israel — to raise all the worlds higher and higher until the will of wills [ ra'ava d'ra'avin ]; until we merit to be included with them within Your supernal holiness in the light of the Infinite as Your good will desires. And have mercy upon all the children of Your people the House of Israel who enter into the covenant of our father Avraham; and always provide for all of them kosher and fitting and expert and practiced mohalim [circumcisers] in truth; in such a manner that they fulfill the commandment of milah and priah [circumcision and the baring] in ultimate perfection as Your good will desires — for You have sanctified the beloved one from the womb and the progeny of his descendants You have sealed with the sign of the holy covenant; and You have commanded us through Your mercies to circumcise our sons on the eighth day — to bring them into the covenant of our father Avraham. Therefore grant us merit and help us and always provide kosher and fitting and expert and worthy mohalim to engage in this awesome commandment. And stand at their right hand and support them — that they merit to fulfill this commandment in the fitting perfection; in such a manner that they not harm, G‑d forbid, the infant who is circumcised through their hands — but rather may they repair him with all the repairs and the sanctifications that are needed to repair and to sanctify the infant through the commandment of circumcision. And may the form [ tzelem ] of G‑d — the form and likeness of His structure — be drawn upon him. And may he merit to truly guard the covenant and never blemish his covenant forever. And may his offshoots go forth; and may he merit to beget sons and daughters who are alive and enduring for Your service and Your awe; and from each and every one of Israel may many generations go forth until the end of all generations; and may they all recognize and know Your great Name; and do Your will in truth all their days forever — in order that Your divinity be revealed in all the worlds through Israel Your people whom You have chosen. And grant me merit to receive the holy Shabbos with great holiness — with love and with will and with joy and with exultation of heart; and let there arise upon my heart no worry or sadness at all — but rather may I merit to exult and to rejoice with all strength on the holy Shabbos day from its entry to its departure. And grant me merit to fulfill the commandment of bathing in warm water and paring the nails on every Shabbos eve in perfection as is fitting; in such a manner that through this I merit to repel and to nullify from upon me all three impure klippos so that they not attach to me at all. And may I merit to separate and clarify the aspect of nogah from all evil; and may nogah ascend and be included in Your supernal holiness; and all the klippos shall descend and fall to the female of the great deep and be destroyed and utterly nullified — and they shall have no grip upon the holiness at all. And may I merit to receive the additional Shabbos; and may You give me an additional holy and pure soul each and every Shabbos. And may I merit — within the collective of Your upright people Israel — to raise all the worlds higher and higher until the will of wills; until we merit to be included with them in Your supernal holiness in the light of the Infinite as Your good will desires. Please Hashem — holy above all holinesses; mighty above all the mighty; strong above all the strong; victorious above all the victorious: help me and save me that I merit to win this battle as Your good will truly desires. Grant me merit to begin from now to enter into Your holiness in truth; and help one who has no power — as I am — to subdue and to banish and to break and to nullify from me all the klippos and alien forces that have attached to me through my many iniquities. Have mercy upon me and rebuke them and drive them away from upon me and from my domain. In Your lovingkindness sustain me that I may observe the testimony of Your mouth [ Psalms 119:88 ]. Help me for I lean upon You. Hashem — let me not be put to shame for I have called upon You; let the wicked be put to shame; let them be stilled in the grave [ Psalms 31:18 ]. I have called upon You for You will answer me, O G‑d; incline Your ear to me; hear my speech [ Psalms 17:6 ]. Hashem I have called upon You; hasten to me; give ear to my voice when I call to You [ Psalms 141:1 ]. For Your Name's sake, Hashem , sustain my life; in Your righteousness take my soul out of distress. And in Your lovingkindness cut off my enemies; and destroy all who afflict my soul — for I am Your servant [ Psalms 143:11–12 ]. May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable before You — Hashem , my Rock and my Redeemer [ Psalms 19:15 ]. O G‑d — do not be silent; do not be still and do not be quiet, O G‑d. For behold Your enemies are in an uproar and those who hate You have raised their head. Against Your people they plot secretly and conspire against Your treasured ones. They have said: Come and let us cut them off from being a nation; and let the name of Israel be remembered no more. For they have plotted together against You with one mind; they have made a covenant against You [ Psalms 83:2–6 ]. Master of the Universe — You know the situation and the state of Israel at this time — in material and in spiritual matters; in general and in particular; for the children have come to the point of birth and there is no strength to give birth [ Isaiah 37:3 ]. And for our days and our generations these have all our prophets and our sages from time immemorial until now prophesied — that troubles would heap upon us: both from the burden of subjugation and lack of livelihood; and from the multitude of illnesses and pains and ailments that are common in the world, G‑d forbid; and other kinds of troubles and sufferings in particular that affect most of the world. There are those who are childless; and there are those who have the grief of raising children, G‑d forbid; and there are those who have sons and daughters and have no means to sustain them and in particular to marry them to those fitting for them; and such and such — may the Blessed Name have mercy upon each one and save him in all that he needs to be saved. And in addition to this — what is heard at all times: that they conspire against us and devise thoughts to decree decrees against Your people Israel, G‑d forbid; which are impossible to bear; and in particular since most of them touch upon the religion of Israel; as is revealed before You — Master of all; Giver of the Torah. And against all these — hardest of all are the troubles of the soul: what we ourselves do to ourselves; how we are lax in the service of Heaven; and how we have also done the opposite — for we have multiplied transgressions against You; and what is evil in Your eyes we have done; and in particular I — who have already grown weary of confessing and of telling my nature and my matters and my conduct and my thoughts and my shameful and strange deeds — may the Blessed Name save me from now. And I know no counsel or strategy except to cry out and to shout and to roar and to supplicate before You — for it is very bitter for me; for I have sunk in the miry clay and there is no standing; I have come into the deep waters and the current has swept me away. And I know no escape or salvation; and I have no opening of hope at all — except to pray and to supplicate before You — full of mercy; Master of salvations: both for the troubles of my soul and for the troubles of the collective of Israel — in which every individual is obligated to participate in their distress. And for all of them we have no support or reliance except upon prayer and supplication — as Your holy sages whose merit shall protect us have commanded us. But You know how far I am from prayer and supplication — and the essence is because of the distracting thoughts before prayer and during prayer: both thoughts of grandeur and ulterior motives; and the multitude of alien and evil thoughts and confusions and imaginings and evil ideas that come upon me during prayer especially — and I know no way at all how to overpower them and to rescue my soul from them; for they have spread over me very greatly — they have entangled themselves and gone up upon my neck and caused my strength to give out. I know not whither my soul goes; whither shall I flee; whither am I driven; whither shall I escape from before them — for they have surrounded me and pursued me; they have encompassed me, yea encompassed me; they have encompassed me, yea encompassed me; they have encompassed me like bees; they have surrounded me like waters all day long — they have encircled me together; and especially at the time of prayer — so that until now not a single prayer has gone forth from me without a multitude of confusions and alien and evil thoughts beyond measure and value and number; apart from many prayers that were completely confused — so that I did not know at all whether I had spoken the words of the prayer; for many words and blessings I completely skipped; and even what I said — it was as if I had not said it; for my mouth was completely separated from my heart; with my mouth and my lips I spoke — with a stuttering tongue; half-sentences greatly blemished; and my heart was very far from them — for my heart was full of many evil and alien and very confused thoughts. Woe to me and allay; woe to me and allay — what shall I do on the day of accounting; and what shall I do when G‑d arises — and when He visits what shall I answer Him; whither shall I carry my shame; whither shall I carry my disgrace; where — where shall I hide and conceal myself from my immense and bitter and so very great shame; which the mouth cannot speak and the heart cannot think. And so I have come before You — Hearer of prayer; Who chooses the prayer of His people Israel with mercies and desires their prayer: for it was only for this that You created Your world — something from absolute nothing [ yeish me'ayin hamuchlat ] — through the ten utterances [ asarah ma'amaros ]; because You foresaw and saw that You were destined to delight and to take pleasure and to derive enjoyment from the prayer of Your people Israel. Therefore — have mercy upon me and upon our fellowship and upon all Your people the House of Israel; and stand at the right hand of our righteousness and be in our help at all times — that we merit to banish from us all the distracting thoughts and all the confusing ideas; and in particular at the time of prayer; in such a manner that we merit to pray our prayers before You with all our heart — with great concentration from the depths of the heart in truth; with holy and clear thoughts; so that the thought shall be bound to all the words of the prayer with a strong and firm bond in complete unity; and let there arise upon our heart no ulterior motive or alien thought at the time of prayer. Rather may we merit at the time of prayer to remove from our mind all the ulterior motives and all the distracting thoughts; and let there not arise upon my mind any foolish thought of any kind of vainglorious arrogance — to think that I am of distinguished lineage and family; or to imagine in my eyes that I have already had toil and effort in the service of the Creator Blessed be His Name. Rather may I recognize my deficiency and know my lowliness in truth; and may I forget all my family and the house of my father; and all kinds of thoughts from which there comes any side of ulterior motive of arrogance and haughtiness. Rather may I stand like a pauper and like a destitute person; and know my smallness and my wretchedness and my lowliness in truth to its very truth. However may I be confident in Your great lovingkindness — that You dwell with the broken and the humble of spirit; and that You are close to the brokenhearted; and through Your great lovingkindness alone may I expand my heart to pray before You with true joy; I will exult and I will rejoice in Your salvation; in such a manner that my prayer shall be in ultimate perfection — clear and pure and correct and fluent in my mouth; in such a manner that You shall hear and receive our prayers and supplications and entreaties. And may we merit to rule through our prayers — that we have the power to effect through our prayer all that we desire; even to change nature. And may You fill all the wishes of our hearts for good with mercies; and may You delight and derive enjoyment from our prayers always; and through this may You sustain Your world and all that is in it through the power of the ten utterances; and may You draw down upon us good lovingkindnesses always; and may You sweeten and nullify from upon us and from upon all of Israel all the judgments of the world. And may You break and nullify from upon us all the harsh decrees in the world — both those that have already been decreed; and those that they seek to decree, G‑d forbid. Master of the Universe — full of mercy: You have been the help of our fathers from eternity — a shield and savior to them and to their children after them in every generation. See our affliction and champion our cause; and hasten to redeem us with a complete redemption speedily for the sake of Your Name. And in particular from all the harsh decrees that have been heard in our days — that they seek to decree, G‑d forbid G‑d forbid: have pity upon the remnant of Your people the House of Israel and nullify them from upon us with complete nullification — for there is no one who stands in our defense; let Your great Name stand for us in a time of distress; for Hashem did not speak to blot out the name of Israel, G‑d forbid. Master of the Universe — in proportion to the depth of our descent now at the end of this long and bitter exile — in which we have descended wondrously; as it is written: She has fallen wondrously; there is no one to comfort her [ Lamentations 1:9 ]; and we are distanced from You as we are distanced — as each person knows somewhat within himself; and every day we say: what will be our end; and we strengthen ourselves and await every day for salvation — perhaps He will be moved now; perhaps He will have mercy now; perhaps we shall begin to be aroused from now to abandon our evil way and our shameful thoughts etc. And if, G‑d forbid, G‑d forbid, it should come to pass — that yet another decree from the decrees that have been heard that they desire to decree G‑d forbid be added upon Israel — it would be almost as if there were no hope, G‑d forbid; for even now the burden of exile is heavy and difficult upon us; and many of Your people Israel have grown distant from You because of the burden of the bitterness of exile — in material and spiritual matters; for from every side they lie in ambush against us — from above and below — in body and soul and money; as is revealed before You Who knows all hidden things. And now Hashem our G‑d — our Father: we are the clay and You are our Potter; and we are all the work of Your hands [ Isaiah 64:7 ]. Do not be exceedingly angry Hashem ; and do not remember iniquity forever; behold look now — we are all Your people [ Isaiah 64:8 ]. See Your people very afflicted; see how the hand has weakened and there is none remaining or abandoned in Israel [ Deuteronomy 32:36 ]. Our Father in Heaven — remember please all the prayers and supplications and entreaties that the true tzadikim prayed and entreated to nullify these decrees that began to sprout in their days. Remember please all the kinds of sweetening that the tzadikim engaged in to sweeten the judgments and to nullify all the decrees. Remember and look upon all the tears they poured before You like water for this. And how many wondrous and awesome Torah teachings they said for this sake. And how many sweetening-acts they sweetened through the joy and the clapping of hands and dancing in the joy of a mitzvah. And all that they effected and did and surrendered their souls for this — to nullify all the decrees that they seek to decree, G‑d forbid. And through Your abundant mercies — through their great power they were delayed until now. Act for the sake of Your Name; and for the sake of their prayer and for the sake of the sweetening of all the true righteous ones who dwell in the dust and engaged in these things in their holy lives; and for the sake of their prayer that they still pray for Your people Israel. And do what You shall do — through Your abundant mercies and Your immense lovingkindnesses and Your awesome wonders; and break and demolish and uproot and destroy and nullify all the decrees that they seek to decree, G‑d forbid. And incline the heart of the emperors and kings and ministers toward us for good; and all who rise against us for evil — swiftly foil their counsel and spoil their thoughts. And may the verse be fulfilled in us: He foils the thoughts of the crafty so that their hands achieve no success [ Job 5:12 ]. And it is written: Many are the thoughts in a man's heart; but the counsel of Hashem — it shall stand [ Proverbs 19:21 ]. And it is written: Hashem has thwarted the counsel of nations; He has foiled the plans of peoples. The counsel of Hashem shall stand forever; the thoughts of His heart to all generations [ Psalms 33:10–11 ]. Master of all worlds — Who chooses His people Israel with love: look from Heaven and see that we have become a mockery and a scorn; look and see the lowliness of Israel at this time. Full of mercy; Master of salvations; Lord of wonders; King of Israel and its Redeemer; Rock of Israel and its Holy One — arise to the help of Israel; arise and save us in the time of distress. May Your mercies be aroused upon Your children for Your sake; for Your sake; for Your sake — act and not for us; see how we stand — impoverished and empty. Have mercy upon us — Master of mercies; and do not pour Your wrath upon us; and nullify from upon us the thoughts of our enemies; nullify from upon us all harsh decrees; and act as Your wonders — that everything should be transformed for good. And may the horn and the fortune of Israel be elevated; and may You give them grace and importance — above and below. And lighten from upon us the burden of subjugation and the taxes; and give us livelihood in honor and in spaciousness and in what is permitted — in holiness and purity; in such a manner that we merit to be as Your good will desires in truth always. And help us and save us every day and at all times to pray our prayers and our supplications before You with a whole heart; and to break all the alien thoughts and ulterior motives that arise upon our minds — and to transform them for good. And give us strength and might at all times to pull and to transform the thought from evil to good; from outside to inside — with great alacrity in truth. And may we merit to bring all the thoughts — both inner and outer — inside the holy words of prayer; until all the alien thoughts and ulterior motives are completely nullified — and they shall not arise or come upon my mind and thought at all. And may our prayer be complete and fluent and well-ordered in our mouths always in ultimate perfection — in humility; in awe and fear and trembling and shaking; until we have the power to rule through our prayers to nullify all the decrees and all the judgments through our prayers — both those affecting the collective of Israel and each individual of Israel in particular. In such a manner that You shall take delight and derive pleasure from our prayers always; and all the ten utterances that sustain the world shall be revealed and illuminated; and great and wondrous lovingkindness shall be drawn in the world upon Your people Israel. And the verse shall be fulfilled: For I said: The world shall be built with lovingkindness; in the heavens You shall establish Your faithfulness [ Psalms 89:3 ]. And it is written: The lovingkindness of G‑d is all day long [ Psalms 52:3 ]. And through this may You draw down upon us an abundance of goodness and blessing and mercy and life and peace and all good at every time and every hour. And hasten and hurry to redeem us; and bring us our righteous Mashiach speedily in our days — Amen Selah. The sacrifices of G‑d are a broken spirit; a broken and crushed heart — O G‑d You will not despise [ Psalms 51:19 ]. Master of the Universe — full of mercy; Who heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds [ Psalms 147:3 ]: You know my heart — broken, crushed and humbled. Look from Heaven and see at whom You have done this; see my affliction — full of mercy; have pity upon the breaking of my heart — broken into shards and splinters; like a hammer that shatters rock — so has my heart been shattered and broken; for the thoughts of my heart are scattered and banished to the ends of the earth. In truth — I am guilty from every side; but You know that I did not intend to anger You, G‑d forbid; for my desire is to do Your will; only the leaven in the dough [ se'or sheba'isah ] delays me. And You have already written about Yourself that all the powers of the evil inclination and its armies that cause the children of man to sin — are all from You; and You regret them every day for having created them and given them such power; as it is written: And that I have caused harm [ Genesis 6:7 ] — as our sages of blessed memory interpreted; and it is written: Why O Hashem do You lead us astray from Your paths; do You harden our heart from fearing You [ Isaiah 63:17 ]. Master of the Universe — You know the secrets of the world and the hidden things of the secrets of all that is alive; You search all the chambers of the belly and examine mind and heart. You know that I have no support or hope for true and eternal good — except through my setting forth my conversation before You — Master of mercies. But before You all the hidden things of the heart are revealed; and You know how hard and heavy this itself is for me — for they confuse me and prevent me from it greatly; and even if at times — through Your great compassion — You send me certain words; and I begin to set forth my conversation and my bitter heart before You; then suddenly my heart is blocked mid-speech; and I remain astonished — like one who is struck mute in the very midst of his words literally; so too suddenly the power of speech departs from me; and my heart is sealed and my thoughts are bewildered; and I know not what to do — for suddenly I have been made mute; I will not open my mouth for You have done this [ Psalms 39:10 ]. I was dumb with silence; I held my peace from good; and my pain was stirred [ Psalms 39:3 ]. And I seem as if I have turned backward from You, G‑d forbid; and You are as if hiding Your face from me. And You have already revealed to us that all this is drawn through a blemish of faith [ pegam emunah ] which is considered like idolatry [ avodah zarah ]. And now what shall I do — our Father in Heaven — to atone for all this; to repair and to atone for all the evil imaginings and evil thoughts and confused ideas that arise upon my spirit; and in particular for the imaginings of idolatry which are a blemish of faith and which are the hardest of all. Alas — what shall I do that You turn Your face toward me; and I shall return to You in truth. When shall I merit this; when shall I come and appear before G‑d [ Psalms 42:3 ]. When, when — when shall I merit to complete and strong and firm faith; until I merit to set forth my conversation before You face to face; as a man speaks to his friend; and there shall be no curtain of separation between me and You. Have mercy upon me — Master of mercies; and grant me merit and help me and save me — that I accustom myself to sighing a great sigh from the very depths of the heart in truth; over the immensity of my distance from You through my many iniquities; and in particular over the blemish of faith — through which my mouth was blocked mid-speech; and I fell as if from the heavens to the earth. Grant me merit to feel my very great pain and suffering in truth; until I sigh a true sigh from the depths of the heart; and may my spirit be truly broken within me; in such a manner that Your true mercies be aroused upon me. And may my broken spirit ascend and come and arrive and appear and be accepted before You through my sigh — as if I had offered a burnt offering before You to atone for the imaginings of the heart. And through Your great compassion — open Your hand with mercy and with will; and return me in complete repentance before You in truth. And through the breath that I exhale and the breath that I inhale at the time of the sigh — may You draw upon me through this a great illumination from the Name [ Shem ] that emerges from the verse: Pote'ach es yadecha umasbia l'chol chai ratzon [ You open Your hand and satisfy the desire of every living being — Psalms 145:16 ]; and through this may You cut and saw my soul and my spirit from the aspect of back-to-back [ achor be'achor ]; and may You turn me and restore me to You in the aspect of face-to-face [ panim b'fanim ]. Our Father in Heaven — faithful and true King; G‑d of faith: You know all that befalls each and every one of us concerning the holy faith; for through Your abundant mercies and Your great love for Your people Israel — You had compassion upon us and planted within us Your holy faith which we inherited from our fathers. Fortunate are we — how good is our portion and how pleasant is our lot and how beautiful is our inheritance. However — because of the immensity of the multitude of my iniquities there still arise upon the heart alien thoughts that are against Your holy faith; which is the very essence of distancing and the hiding of the face and the greatest trouble of all the troubles of the world; as it is written: Is it not because my G‑d is not within me that all these evils have found me? [ Deuteronomy 31:17 ]. Have mercy upon us — full of mercy; with great mercies; with abundant mercies. And guard us and save us from now from all manner of heresy and imaginings and thoughts that are against Your holy faith. Rather may we merit to hold fast to the ways of our holy fathers — to believe in You Hashem our G‑d; and in Your holy Torah and in Your true tzadikim ; with complete, clear and firm faith. And may the faith be so strong — as if I behold You Blessed be You — eye to eye; in such a manner that through this Your awe shall be upon my face — this being the shame; so that I not sin any further sin or iniquity; and not blemish any blemish at all. And at every time that there should arise upon my mind, G‑d forbid, any thought of any desire or will that is against Your will — may there immediately fall upon me dread and terror and awe and great shame from before You — for You stand over me at every time and moment and see my deeds and know the hidden matters of my heart and my thoughts; for I cannot hide from You; for the fullness of all the earth is His glory. And as it is written: If a man should hide in secret places — can I not see him? — declares Hashem . Do I not fill the heavens and the earth? [ Jeremiah 23:24 ]. And may I merit through the strength of the holy faith to pray and to supplicate and to engage in hitbodedus [private personal prayer] and to set forth all my conversation before You always with a whole heart and with a correct thought; that the thought shall be bound to the words of prayer with a strong and firm bond — without any ulterior motive and without any inclination to the side at all, G‑d forbid. And may all my words and my conversations with You be face to face — as a man speaks to his friend. Mouth to mouth I shall speak with You — all that is in my heart. And I shall pour out my soul like water before Hashem [ Lamentations 2:19 ]. And I shall tell before You all my heart — with mercies and supplications; with words of grace and appeasement and conciliation; with a broken and crushed heart in truth — like a son who wheedles before his father; until Your mercies shall be aroused and Your innards shall move upon me for the immensity of my distance from You until now. And may You begin from now to save me with a complete and true eternal salvation — that I merit from now to return to You in truth and in perfection. And may You lead me and guide me in Your truth at every time and moment; and may I not deviate from Your will right or left. And may You have pity and mercy upon me like the mercy of a father upon a son. And save me at every time with all manner of salvations; and draw me close with all manner of drawing near eternally; and may we not turn back from You — grant us life and in Your Name shall we be called. Hashem G‑d of hosts — return us; illuminate Your face and we shall be saved [ Psalms 80:4 ]. Blessed is Hashem forever — Amen and Amen [ Psalms 89:53 ]. May it be Your will, Hashem our G‑d and G‑d of our fathers — that You grant me merit through Your abundant mercies to draw close in truth to true tzadikim ; and to bind myself to them in truth with a willing heart and soul; with very great and intense love from the point that is in the heart in truth. And may I merit to love them with such great love — until my love for them grows and is wondrous before me more than the love of women; until the love of women and the desire for intercourse is nullified from me through the strengthening of the love of the tzadikim . Have pity and compassion upon me; and grant me merit to the love of the tzadikim in truth; and through this may I merit to bind myself to them with great and strong attachment; and may my soul be bound to their soul with a strong and firm bond from now and forever — to everlasting eternities and for endless eternity.
מָלֵא רַחֲמִים, מַלֵּא מִשְׁאֲלוֹתֵינוּ לְטוֹבָה בְּרַחֲמִים, כִּי צְרָכֵינוּ מְרֻבִּים מְאֹד מְאֹד וְדַעְתֵּנוּ קְצָרָה לְבָאֵר, וְאַתָּה בּוֹחֵן לִבּוֹת וּכְלָיוֹת, וּלְפָנֶיךָ נִגְלוּ כָּל תַּעֲלוּמוֹת לֵב, וְאַתָּה יוֹדֵעַ שֶׁבִּפְנִימִיּוּת לִבֵּנוּ אָנוּ מִשְׁתּוֹקְקִים מְאֹד לָשׁוּב אֵלֶיךָ בֶּאֱמֶת, וְאָנוּ מִתְגַּעְגְּעִים וּמְצַפִּים בְּכָל־עֵת לִמְצֹא פֶּתַח תִּקְוָה לָשׁוּב וּלְהִתְקָרֵב אֵלֶיךָ בֶּאֱמֶת. עָזְרֵנוּ לְמַעַן שְׁמֶךָ, זַכֵּנוּ לְכָל מַה שֶּׁבִּקַּשְׁנוּ מִלְּפָנֶיךָ. יִהְיוּ לְרָצוֹן אִמְרֵי־פִי וְהֶגְיוֹן לִבִּי לְפָנֶיךָ יְהֹוָה צוּרִי וְגוֹאֲלִי. עוֹשֶׂה שָׁלוֹם בִּמְרוֹמָיו הוּא בְּרַחֲמָיו יַעֲשֶׂה שָׁלוֹם עָלֵינוּ וְעַל כָּל יִשְׂרָאֵל וְאִמְרוּ אָמֵן:
And so may it be Your will, Hashem our G‑d and G‑d of our fathers — that I merit through Your abundant mercies and Your immense lovingkindnesses to receive all the holy days of Yom Tov in great holiness and purity; in joy and very great exultation and expansiveness of heart; in ultimate perfection as Your good will truly desires. And may I merit to receive the face of my master [ hakbalas pnei rabbi ] on the festival [ regel ] — even when I am far from him; that I merit to receive the faces of the true tzadikim and to recognize them and to love them; and to draw upon myself their holiness through the reception of the holy Yom Tov that is drawn from them. And through this may I merit to the forty-nine gates of understanding [ mem-tes sha'arei binah ] that are revealed and illuminate on the holy Yom Tov. And may You open for me the light of holy intellect; and may I merit to great and wondrous insight into Your Torah and Your service in truth. And through this may all the foolishnesses of all manner of arrogance and coarseness and haughtiness of spirit be nullified from me; and may I merit to ultimate humility in perfection as Your good will desires. And may You draw down upon me and upon all of Israel always the holiness of Moshe our master [ Moshe Rabbeinu ] upon him be peace — who merited to the forty-nine gates of understanding; and through this he merited to humility in truth; as it is written: And the man Moshe was very humble — more than all the men upon the face of the earth [ Numbers 12:3 ]. Have mercy upon us — full of mercy; that we merit through the power of the reception of the holy Yom Tovim — the appointed times of Hashem ; the holy convocations — to draw upon ourselves the holiness of Moshe our master upon him be peace; and the holiness of all the true tzadikim . And may there be drawn upon us through them all the holy and true intellects and wisdoms that are drawn on Yom Tov; and through this may we merit to nullify and remove from us all manner of arrogance and coarseness and ulterior motives — until we merit to true humility; to the humility of Moshe our master upon him be peace. Master of the Universe — You know the immensity of my distance from true humility; for I am more boorish than any man and have no human understanding [ Proverbs 30:2 ]. And through my many iniquities I know not at all what true humility is; for humility is greater than everything. Have mercy upon me — Master of mercies; and grant me merit to the holiness of Yom Tov in truth; until I merit through this to know and to recognize well the greatness and the importance of the true tzadikim ; until I am nullified before them in ultimate nullification; and through this all manner of arrogance and grandeur and haughtiness and coarseness and ulterior motives shall from themselves be nullified from me — beyond what the mouth can speak and the heart can think; until I merit to true humility as Your good will truly desires. Merciful One — full of mercy: help me and save me and fill my entreaties for good with mercies — for You know the hidden things of the heart; and how very very far I am from all that I have mentioned before You; and how very much salvation and mercies I need to merit to all this. And through my many iniquities the ways of prayer and supplication and entreaty have become hidden from me — how to pray and to supplicate and to request and to appease and to conciliate You; that You grant me merit to reach all the ways of holiness in truth — which are our life and the length of our days eternally. Yet with all this — whatever You graciously grant me through Your mercies to set forth my conversation before You — I shall strengthen myself with all my might to speak and to supplicate before You; and do with me as is good in Your eyes — for You understand the hidden things of the heart; and You know that I have no one to lean upon except upon You — my Father in Heaven; and upon the power and the merit of the true tzadikim . For Your sake and for their sake — do what You shall do; through Your mercies and Your lovingkindnesses; in such a manner that I merit in any case from now to return to You in truth and to walk in Your holy ways; in such a manner that I merit to fulfill Your will and to carry out Your holy and good intention for which I was created. Hashem will complete on my behalf; Hashem — Your lovingkindness is forever; do not forsake the works of Your hands [ Psalms 138:8 ]. Give ear to my words O Hashem ; understand my meditation [ Psalms 5:2 ]. May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable before You — Hashem , my Rock and my Redeemer [ Psalms 19:15 ]. Amen and Amen. My soul longs and even pines for the courtyards of Hashem ; my heart and my flesh sing out to the living G‑d [ Psalms 84:3 ]. My soul thirsts for You; my flesh longs for You — in a parched and weary land without water [ Psalms 63:2 ]. My soul thirsts for G‑d — for the living G‑d; when shall I come and appear before G‑d? [ Psalms 42:3 ]. Master of the Universe — You know the immensity of the multitude of obstacles that I have now from every matter of holiness — from Torah and prayer and good deeds; for it is impossible to describe even a fraction of the multitude of confusions and obstacles and obstructions that I have from every holy matter. And even when I do some commandment or some holy thing — it is very confused and mixed up; very far from the perfection of the repair that one needs to effect through every commandment; for through my many iniquities I have grown very distant from Your Torah and Your commandments; and I seem in my own eyes now as one wandering in the desert literally — a place of darkness and gloom; a parched land and the shadow of death; and I know not at all what to do to return to the true and straight and correct path — to be as Your good will desires in perfection in truth. And I go through this passing world like a drunken man and like one overcome by wine; staggering and wandering; confused and demented in thousands and tens of thousands of confusions upon confusions and obstacles upon obstacles — that prevent me and confuse me from drawing close to You and to Your Torah in perfection in truth — for which I was created. And what shall I do on the day of accounting; and what shall I do when G‑d arises and when He visits — what shall I answer Him. And I know not at all by what to revive my wretched and very very bitter soul — so blemished and so demented; except through longing and yearning and desire for You and for Your service; as You have revealed to us through Your holy sages the immensity of the greatness of the will and the desire [ cheshek ] of holiness. Therefore I have come before You — our Father in Heaven; Father — compassionate Father; Who rewards the guilty with good: reward me with all good; and grant me merit to yearn and to long and to desire always with intense longing for You and for Your service and for Your Torah — with very strong and powerful will; until I merit through Your mercies to learn greatly every day; and to pray and to say many supplications and entreaties and songs and praises greatly every day and every day; and to perform many commandments and good deeds greatly every day and every day all the days of my life. And even at a time when I am compelled by necessity to cease according to Your will — even if at times I am in a place where it is impossible to learn or to engage in Your service there — may You grant me merit and help me that I have strong desire and will to learn Torah and to serve You in truth; until the will shall ascend before You as if I had actually fulfilled Your commandments and studied Your Torah. Full of mercy — have mercy upon me and be in my help; and grant me merit that I begin to accustom myself to yearn and to long and to desire always with strong and true will and desire for Your Torah and Your service; and to draw close to You in truth; until I merit through the true desire and will that is in the heart — to learn from within the supernal Book that is written upon the supernal Heart [ sefer hanikhtav al halev haelyon ] through the true tzadikim ; for You listen and hear their words that each speaks in his place; and You join them together and write from them a Book of Remembrance for those who think in their hearts and who truly desire to learn Your Torah and to do Your will; as it is written: Then those who fear Hashem spoke to one another; and Hashem listened and heard; and a Book of Remembrance was written before Him for those who fear Hashem and who think upon His Name [ Malachi 3:16 ]. Grant me merit also to receive and to draw upon myself a great illumination from this Heart — and to learn from within this Book; for I am very far from everything; but I await Your mercies and Your lovingkindnesses — that You grant me merit to true will and desire for You and for Your service and for Your Torah; in such a manner that I merit to return to You speedily in truth as Your good will desires. Have pity and compassion upon me through Your abundant mercies; through Your great mercies. Help me for I lean upon You — for You are the splendor of their strength; and by Your will may our horn be elevated [ Psalms 89:18 ]. May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable before You — Hashem , my Rock and my Redeemer [ Psalms 19:15 ]. Amen and Amen. Who revives the dead with abundant mercies — revive me and sustain me and grant me merit through Your abundant mercies; and help me and save me that I merit from now to conquer my inclination and to hold all my desires in my hand always — even the permitted desires; and even on the days when eating and drinking are permitted: may I merit to hold even the desires that You have permitted to us — which are called half for you [ chatzo lachem ] — and to conduct myself even in them with great holiness and purity for Your Name alone; without any bodily desires at all. Master of the Universe — say: Enough to my troubles; and hasten to redeem me with a complete redemption from all the desires. Have pity and compassion please upon my wretched soul — which has been greatly blemished through my evil desires; as You know. Have pity upon me from now according to the multitude of Your mercies; according to the multitude of Your lovingkindnesses; and give me strength and might and true counsel at every time; in such a manner that I merit to nullify all my desires entirely; until I merit to true life — eternal life in this world and in the World to Come. And even when the time of my departure from the world shall come — let there be no difference for me at all between life and after death; rather may everything be equal to me; and may I always merit to serve You in truth — both in my life in this world and after my passing to the World to Come; until I shall be alive forever even after my passing. And may I live and not die forever. And may I be included among the tzadikim of whom it is said that even in their death they are called living. I shall not die but live — and declare the deeds of G‑d [ Psalms 118:17 ]. Return my soul to your rest — for Hashem has dealt bountifully with you. For You have delivered my soul from death; my eye from tears; my foot from stumbling. I shall walk before Hashem in the lands of the living [ Psalms 116:7–9 ]. Not the dead shall praise G‑d; nor all who descend to silence. But we shall bless G‑d from now and forever — Halleluyah [ Psalms 115:17–18 ]. For You have rescued my soul from death; have You not kept my feet from stumbling — so that I may walk before G‑d in the light of life? [ Psalms 56:14 ]. For You shall not abandon my soul to the grave; You will not allow Your pious one to see the pit. You will make known to me the path of life; fullness of joys is in Your presence; pleasures are in Your right hand forever [ Psalms 16:10–11 ]. Amen and Amen. I shall dwell in Your tent forever; I shall take refuge in the shelter of Your wings — Selah [ Psalms 61:5 ]. Master of the Universe — rescue me from dispute; and help me that I merit to hold my desire back from dispute; that I have no desire at all to hold on to dispute, G‑d forbid — but rather may I always strengthen myself with all my might to quiet the quarrel and the dispute; and to pursue peace always in truth; until I merit through this that words of law are said in my name after my passing from the world; and may my lips move in the grave [ Babylonian Talmud, Yevamos 97a ]. And may I merit to dwell in both worlds and not die forever — but may I always be among the living in truth. Master of the Universe — I know full well how very far I am from this now through my evil and very bitter desires. But I still have hope and trust in You alone — through the power and the merit of the true tzadikim ; that You hasten to take me out and rescue me from all the desires; until I merit speedily to come to all this; and may I live and not die — for You are the King Who desires life. Grant me merit to be counted among the living always forever and ever — for Your sake O living G‑d; and for the sake of the true tzadikim who are called living even in their death. Revive me and sustain me in the light of Your face. Full of mercy; Life of all life; Master of peace — bestow peace, goodness and blessing and mercy and life upon us and upon all of Israel Your people. For Your sake act and not for us. May my soul live and praise You; and may Your judgments help me [ Psalms 119:175 ]. For with You is the source of life; in Your light shall we see light [ Psalms 36:10 ]. Hear my voice according to Your lovingkindness, Hashem ; according to Your judgment sustain me [ Psalms 119:149 ]. Your mercies are great, Hashem ; according to Your judgment sustain me [ Psalms 119:156 ]. My soul cleaves to the dust; sustain me according to Your word [ Psalms 119:25 ]. And may the verse be fulfilled in us: And you who cleave to Hashem your G‑d — you are all alive today [ Deuteronomy 4:4 ]. To everlasting eternities and for endless eternity — Amen and Amen. Hashem G‑d of truth — singular and primordial; Who devises thoughts so that no castaway be cast off from Him; good and beneficent to all; Who watches over the wicked and desires his vindication; Who calls the generations from the beginning; Who desires repentance: have mercy upon me for the sake of Your Name and for the sake of our holy fathers; and return me in complete repentance before You; and effect what is written: that I walk in Your statutes and observe Your commandments — from now and forever. Master of the Universe — full of mercy; Knower of hidden things; Most High and Holy; Worker of mighty deeds; Maker of new things; Master of battles; Sower of righteousness; Causer of salvation to sprout; Creator of healings; Awesome in praises; Master of wonders — Who renews in His goodness every day continuously the act of Creation: for You do every day continuously new and very great and awesome miracles and wonders — which are hidden and very exalted from us; for we do not know the immensity of Your greatness and Your wonders which You do in the world at every time. And all Your dealings and Your wonders and Your goodnesses every day and at every time and at every hour — they are all together only for the true and ultimate good purpose: which is in order to bring about circumstances whereby we merit to draw close to You and to return to You in complete repentance in truth — for that is the main part of the true ultimate good among all the goods. And only You Yourself know all that You do anew each day in order to bring me and all of Israel back to complete repentance in truth; in order to purify and to repair our souls and our spirits and our neshamos ; in order that the souls of Your people Israel be purified from their impurity. And every day and at every time and at every hour — You do entirely new wonders for this purpose; for no day is like its fellow; and every day and at every time and at every hour and moment You do wondrous deeds — to change the management of the worlds through many and wondrous changes without end or limit; and all for the good of the world — for their true and eternal good; in order to hint to them hints in many aspects and manners in infinite variety; to call each and every one from wherever he is at that very time and moment — to draw him close to You in truth; for only this is true good; and there is no other good in the world except this at all. And behold I confess and acknowledge before You — our Father; compassionate Father; the King Who is good and beneficent to all: for all the lovingkindnesses and the goodnesses and the salvations and the wonders that You have done with me from my beginning until this day; after all that has befallen me; and after all that I have transgressed knowingly and unknowingly; under duress and willingly — and after all these Your mercies have not yet been exhausted from me; and You still arouse me and strengthen me to await Your salvation and to arrange these words before You. Apart from that with which You grant me merit every day with good and awesome points to sanctify me in the holiness of Israel; in the holiness of Your awesome commandments — which You grant me merit every day to snatch up in this perishing and spoiled world — that passes and moves on in the blink of an eye. How very great is Your goodness which You have done with me. What shall I return to Hashem for all His bounties upon me? [ Psalms 116:12 ]. Therefore Your servant has found his heart still to supplicate before You and to prostrate himself before Your mercies and lovingkindnesses. And so I have come before You — Master of mercies; Master of salvations; great in counsel and mighty in deed [ Jeremiah 32:19 ]: that You teach me in truth the ways of repentance; and that You be with me always and guide me at every time and hour on the straight and true path; in such a manner that I merit speedily to return in complete repentance before You in truth — quickly and swiftly; and may You teach me and instruct me the true and very truth of the path — how to conduct myself in the matter of fasting; for You have revealed to us in many places in the words of our sages of blessed memory the immensity and the greatness of the value of the fast and the affliction — which is the very essence of repentance. However — against this, it is found in many places that it is forbidden to fast without the permission of the true sage [ he'chacham ha'emes ]; and in particular one who is a Torah scholar — concerning whom our sages of blessed memory have warned in many places that he should not multiply fasting — so that he not be prevented from words of Torah. And You, Hashem G‑d of truth — before You are revealed all the hidden things of the heart and all the doubts that I have in my heart about this. And apart from the multitude of obstacles I have in the matter of fasting from the gravity of the matter itself — added to this is the multitude of obstacles of the mind arising from the many doubts in my heart about the matter of fasting as I have mentioned before You. Therefore I have come before You — full of mercy; that You grant me merit to know at every time how to conduct myself in this matter and in all the matters pertaining to Your service; and that I not confuse my mind greatly with these doubts — so as not to nullify myself from my little service. Rather may I merit from You to true settling of the mind [ yishuv hada'as ] in truth. And may You guide me in Your truth and instruct me at every time how to conduct myself in all the matters and in particular in this matter of fasting. And may I merit through the fasting to humble and to nullify the materiality of my evil body; and may I merit to nullify the great dispute and to draw down great peace — both generally and in particular. Both the immensity of the dispute from the people of the world — who always rise up against those who desire to enter into the true holiness of Israel; who stand against them with many kinds of disputants and preventers and mockers in many ways to turn them from the point of truth. And the immensity of the dispute that is in the heart — that everything we want to do in Your service is prevented from us greatly beyond measure; so that the strength of the burden-bearer has almost given out; for every time I want to strengthen myself to purify my thoughts and ideas — many confusions rise up against me with alien thoughts and evil imaginings; all of which is called dispute. And against all these disputes — fasting is needed; as You have revealed to us through this Torah teaching. Therefore have mercy upon us for Your Name's sake; and guide me and instruct me and grant me merit to take to heart — to understand and to fast greatly as Your good will truly desires; in such a manner that I merit through the fasting to subdue and to nullify all manner of dispute; and may I merit to humble and to nullify all my blemished desires — to nullify them all against Your will and to cleave my heart in truth to You and to Your true service; and may I not deviate from Your will right or left from now and forever. And through this may You grant me merit that all the other desires of the preventers and the disputants against my desire be nullified; and let there be no power for any preventer or disputant to nullify me, G‑d forbid, from Your true service — even by a hairbreadth. And let all manner of dispute be nullified from the world — both the dispute from the people of the world; and the dispute in my heart: may everything be nullified entirely. And may I merit to truly great peace in truth in all its aspects; in such a manner that I merit to return to You in truth; and to be as Your good will desires always in truth from now and forever. And grant me merit through Your abundant mercies to very great and immense joy always for Your Name and Your service. Make us rejoice according to the days You have afflicted us — the years we have seen evil [ Psalms 90:15 ]. And grant me merit through Your abundant mercies to receive the holy Yom Kippur with great holiness and very great joy and immense exultation. And may I merit to fulfill all the five afflictions [ chamisha innuyim ] on Yom Kippur in ultimate perfection as is fitting; and to pray all the five prayers of Yom Kippur with very great and awesome concentration; and to confess all manner of confessions; and to feel remorse for the past with complete remorse; and to truly abandon my evil way and my confused and evil thoughts; and to accept upon myself with a strong and firm acceptance not to return to my folly; and not to do again what is evil in Your eyes as I have done; and to return in complete repentance before You in truth — with joy and with awe and with love; and to weep greatly from within joy. Full of mercy — grant me merit to the holiness of this awesome and awesome and very sublime Yom Kippur; for it is this day — great and holy and awesome and dreadful and mighty; one day in the year which You have chosen for Your people — to forgive their iniquities and to atone for their transgressions on this awesome day. Have mercy upon us and grant us merit to receive this great and awesome day as is fitting; and to return in complete repentance in truth; in such a manner that You forgive and pardon and atone for us all our very great and many and heavy sins and iniquities and transgressions — heavier than the sand of the sea. And help us through the merit of the holy power of this holy day itself; and through the merit of the holy fast of this awesome day — the Day of Atonement; that we merit through this to subdue within us all the desires before You Blessed be You; to subdue and to break and to nullify all manner of our desires against Your will; until we have no desire and no craving against Your will at all; in such a manner that we merit to be as Your will always; and not to deviate from Your will right or left. And through this may we merit that You in Your mercies nullify the will of others before our will; and let all manner of dispute be nullified from us — both the dispute from the people of the world; and the dispute within myself; for now there is no peace within myself because of my sin. And everything that I want to do of something holy — I have very many and immense obstacles beyond measure; and the main ones are the obstacles of the mind and the heart. And all of it may I merit to nullify through the holy fast of Yom Kippur — which encompasses all the days of the entire year; as it is written: Your eyes saw my unformed substance; and in Your book they were all written — days were fashioned; and one of them is for Him [ Psalms 139:16 ]. And our sages of blessed memory interpreted: this is Yom Kippur. Have mercy upon us and grant us merit to return in complete repentance in truth throughout the entire year; and in particular on the holy Yom Kippur. And help us to observe the fast of Yom Kippur with awesome and immense holiness and with great joy and exultation in truth; in such a manner that I merit through this to sanctify myself from now; and to know how to conduct myself in the matter of fasting throughout the entire year; and to be as Your good will desires in truth — so that I not be put to shame and not be disgraced and not stumble forever and ever. Full of mercy — You know how many dead and truly lifeless days are lying in the place where they are lying; because of the multitude and the immensity of my very very many and great transgressions that I have committed from my beginning until this very day. You know how I have extracted the life-force from many days with very great cruelty; and not only did I not add life from above to the days through Torah and service — but I also entirely extracted from them their very life-force through the multitude of my iniquities that I committed in them. And the repair of all these dead days is through many fasts; as You have revealed to us through Your holy sages. Have mercy upon me and help me and save me through Your immense mercies and Your awesome and wondrous lovingkindnesses — that I merit through the power of the holy fast of Yom Kippur; and through the power of all the fasts that You grant me merit through Your abundant mercies to observe in my lifetime: that I merit through them to repair all those dead days; and may I merit to fast so very much — until I need to make use of the power of the days of nursing; with the power of the milk that I nursed from my mother's womb; in such a manner that I merit to revive and to elevate and to repair all the days that have passed over me from the day of my coming into being until now. And may I merit on the day of my departure from the world to come and to enter before You with all the days of all the days of my life — in great holiness; and may all my days be complete and holy and pure and repaired in ultimate repair as Your good will desires; and may I not enter in shame before You [ v'la ei'ul b'kisufa kamach ]. Help me, help me; save me, save me; do with me a wonder for life — that I not be as the dead, G‑d forbid. I shall not die but live — and declare the deeds of G‑d [ Psalms 118:17 ]. Gladden my very wretched and very downtrodden soul — through the many fasts that You grant me merit through Your mercies to observe from now. And may I merit to greatly strengthen myself in this. Help me — full of mercy; save me — full of salvations; have mercy upon me — full of mercy. Who rewards the guilty with good — Who has rewarded me with all good and granted me merit to be of the seed of Israel and distinguished me from those who go astray and has not made me a gentile: reward me with all good — Selah. And help me from now to separate myself from this world entirely; and may I merit to be patient with great strength and to conquer my inclination and to govern my spirit and to strengthen myself at every time; until I merit from now to close my eyes from seeing this world entirely; and to fast many fasts and complete abstentions. And You in Your mercies shall receive them with love and with will; and draw me close to You with abundant mercies; and gladden my soul always; in such a manner that I merit through the power of the true tzadikim to repair all that I have blemished from my beginning in my lifetime. And may I merit to know You in truth and to serve You always in truth — I and my seed and the seed of my seed from now and forever. Guide me in Your truth and teach me — for You are G‑d my salvation; for You I hope all the day [ Psalms 25:5 ]. Teach me, Hashem , the way of Your statutes; and I shall keep it to the end [ Psalms 119:33 ]. Teach me, Hashem , Your way; and I shall walk in Your truth; unify my heart to fear Your Name [ Psalms 86:11 ]. Teach me, Hashem , Your way; and lead me on a level path — because of my enemies [ Psalms 27:11 ]. Send Your light and Your truth — they shall lead me; they shall bring me to Your holy mountain and to Your dwelling-places [ Psalms 43:3 ]. For to You alone are my eyes turned — until Hashem looks down and sees from Heaven [ Lamentations 3:50 ]. May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable before You — Hashem , my Rock and my Redeemer [ Psalms 19:15 ]. He Who makes peace in His heights — may He make peace upon us and upon all of Israel; and say: Amen.
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