...and he replied: "What, what, what is he saying? A loan of half a lira?" But my request—he could not get it out of his heart. I said with force, firmly: "I need half a lira! Let him lend me half a lira." {…}, when will he repay me? Can he give half a lira? He can give a grosh, two groshn, five groshn, but not half a lira. But my words did not leave... no, he could not forget, yes. He said: "How is it possible to lend half a lira, half a lira?" But he gave half a lira, he gave it to me, yes. He told me that he would think it over and so on... Afterwards he saw me in the market and called me over. He said to me: "I will give you half a lira—tomorrow, the day after tomorrow—I will give you half a lira." Nu, nu, my joy! I already have the journey to Yerushalayim, to travel to Yerushalayim. Nu, in those days they did not travel from Teveria to Yerushalayim; first there was Haifa. From here they had to travel to Haifa, and from Haifa to Yerushalayim, yes. In Haifa there lived, there lived Rav Moshe Klein. He was close to Rabbainu, and all of Haifa loved him, they loved him. He went alone throughout all of Haifa in... He, he took all the troubles—no, no, no—he did not leave troubles here like everyone else. He was unique in Haifa, yes. And his milk too was unique in Haifa; they tasted the flavor of Gan Eden in the milk of, in Moshe's milk. Oy, I came to Rav Moshe Klein, and his wife did not want guests. She said to him: "Guests? Take them to a hotel! Yes, I cannot, I have no strength and I have no... I do not want guests." That was how it was. He went with me to a house, to a hotel, and I had... He gave me a bed, yes, and what to eat and what, where to sleep. Afterwards I went with him; he went at midnight, after midnight.

He went to the village so that he could be present at the time of milking, so that it would not be chalav akum, gentile's milk. Good, nu, he had several, several canisters of milk. He took one and I took one, and the two of us went. I with one canister, and he with one canister, and we spoke of Rabbainu from house to house. Oy, yes, one sees that it is hard for a person, hard to perform a mitzvah, yes. And if he had given me money, so that I would have some for bread, so that I could send something home. He had enough money, he had money. He gave me—his gift was the hotel and the food and half a lira; that is what he gave me, yes. And half a lira. Oy, nu, oy, oy, oy, oy, yes... I saw friends, Breslov Chassidim from Poland, from Poland, yes. Leverman, Leverman's father, {….} Leverman. He had a candle factory, and he was wealthy and had houses. And he averted his eyes from me, yes. He gave me a place to sleep, gave me food to eat, but he did not give me money, yes. He was miserly with money, yes. And I saw that one who has no merit, then no, they do not allow him to fulfill the mitzvah of tzedakah, yes. I saw: if he had given me several liros to bring home, to me, so that I would have bread to eat. What, what was I looking for? Was I looking for anything extra? Bread for the children, clothing for the children. Nu, if he had given me—he had, he had money—he would have earned merit, yes. And he did not give me, and he did not give. He gave me... his giving was ten groshn, yes. That is what he gave me, yes. Nu, I did not think critically about it; I did not, did not take offense. I had no resentment in my heart. This is how Hashem Yisbarach conducts the world. What, what... Yes, one who has no merit, then they give him the money—not...

Do not give Yisroel Ber—only ten groshn. Oy, oy, oy, oy, oy. He was, he was supposed to give him, to give me tzedakah and money very generously. What... for what does he work? For what? For whom? For what? Yes. But there is no wisdom, yes. What he, he, he earns, and he has money—he has no dominion over himself, over the money. No, yes, yes, that is how he is. Oy, oy, oy. And I, even so, did not look at this; I did not look at the fact that he... However much he is Breslov, Breslov, however, however much he is, however much he is Breslov, he... yes. In any case, however he may be, he no longer has false beliefs, at any rate. He does not believe in Admorim. Yes. And in this I was together with him, very close, yes. He is like me, he is distant; he does not, does not believe in false beliefs, in Admorim. But that is not enough. (…...)... ...they had no dress and no shoe for their feet. And I did not pay for them the money for, for the schooling, for the school. And they expelled them every, every month they expelled them from the cheder, telling them not to come until they brought money, yes. No bread and no shoe and no dress and no bread, and they were also expelled from the cheder. Nu, can one imagine this sorrow? Such sorrow? And baruch Hashem, I did not submit myself to the falsehood, yes. Baruch Hashem, I was strong, and I laughed at all of them. Who can imagine the sorrow, the sorrow and pain and shame of one who has small children, and they have no bread to eat, and they have no garment, and they have no school, and they have no, and they have no...? Who can imagine such sorrow? Yes. Yes, like this. And I did not think critically about him, about Leverman. But Levi Yitzchak—why does he avert his eyes? Why?

He needs to see, to make an effort to collect tzedakah, to give... They knew that I, that I am unique in the world; I am {…}, nothing—because they have no merit, yes. And I too had to pass along such a path. To see, to see what, what will become of you. Who can imagine it? Now I tell it, and I, and I laugh and I am joyful. But then, who can imagine my heart, the sorrow and brokenheartedness that I had? I have small children—no school and no bread and no clothing and no shoe. Who, yes, can understand this? What sorrow this is? Yes. And I was a strong warrior, and I did not submit myself at all, at all, as though it were nothing, yes. The children are ashamed to this day; when they hear such a thing being told, they immediately become ashamed. And then they were ashamed before one another—what kind of father was... They have no, they have no bread to eat, and they have no dress, they have no... yes. And so I went to Sha'aray Chessed, to speak of Rabbainu with this one and with that one and with this one, yes, and not... If I had said that I suffered from poverty—nu, Yerushalayim has many poor people; what, what is there? Yes. Oy, what do I know, what... Who can tell it? Who can imagine such things? I could have become a madman, or, or a thief, or, or... Such a thing? Can such a thing be imagined in the mind? There is a child, and he has no, and he has no clothing and no bread and... and no school. Oy, the Master of the World knows the truth, that we, that I... However much I tell you, it still, still does not reach how it was. Ah, and they remember, they... ...(….)… ...and he would humiliate me: "Why are you asking such a question?" So I... but I, for the sake of... Because I wanted to have a connection with Rebbe Yisroel, I strengthened myself with all my might and said, and said:

"Whatever will be, even if he strikes me and humiliates me, I will ask the father—whatever will be." So I asked, and the father answered: "Yes, yes, a portion remains, a little cooked food remains from the meal, so give it to him. Bread alone—he, he will eat bread alone? Then give it to him." Then I already saw that this was Providence from Hashem Yisbarach, beyond nature, so that I would have a connection with, with this holy tzaddik. And so it was. They made night, recited Birkas HaMazon and Krias Shema, and lay down to sleep. And I... and Rebbe Yisroel, he sat on, on, on a step, one step of the house, and I gave him bread to eat, yes. And he washed his hands and recited the blessing "HaMotzi..." And when I heard the blessing from him, "al netillas yadayim" and "HaMotzi..." I saw that it was true: this was a hidden tzaddik, because such a blessing I had never yet heard, never yet heard. I grew up among Chassidim, and they, and they study Torah and are God-fearing, but such a blessing I had not heard. And also a face, such a form as Rebbe Yisroel had, I had not seen, I had not seen. So... so I gave him the... what remained from our meal, so that he should eat, eat it. Then he said to me: "I do not eat anything, only bread and tea." But, but we had no tea, and we had no machine, a kerosene stove; only in... there was... Only the wealthy had a kerosene stove, but poor people used charcoal. And this is a craft: one needs to know how, how to make a fire, and I did everything, and... Until I succeeded in kindling a fire and made tea. And each time I entered the house and said to Rebbe Yisroel— I did not know that he was a Breslover; I knew only that he was a hidden tzaddik. So I said to him in a whisper, in secret, in his ear. Then I said to him:

"Rebbe Yisroel..." I did not {know}. "You should know that you came to Teveria for my sake. I am such and such, and I very much want to serve Hashem in truth, and there were upon me, and there are upon me, hard battles. And I search all the days of my life; I search for a place where they will guide me and illuminate, and illuminate within me the light, the light of Hashem, so that I may merit to serve Hashem in truth. Thus you came to Teveria for my sake, and I ask you not to leave me!" And I, I saw that he was very moved. For immediately when he got down from the donkey, Hashem Yisbarach brought him to me, and he heard such words. He, he, he had needed to travel earlier. But as long as he had no clarification that he needed to travel to Teveria, he did not want to move from Meron. Nu, oy vey. [Rebbe Yisroel...] I must... [Another, another two minutes. You said that I should remind you about the household members at age thirteen who quarreled with you—the household members who quarreled with you at age thirteen, at age thirteen.] Ah, that you should remind me, yes, yes, yes, yes. This was a very hard battle for me with, with, with everyone, with the whole city, with all, with the whole family. Everyone wanted—my father... [That you should learn a trade.] Yes, and I said: "I will not learn a trade, only Torah and yiras Shamayim!" That. I did not want this under any circumstances, and there was a hard battle against me, because there was great pity. They said: "You will... the father cannot work; he is blind and poor, and you will sustain the household. You are a boy after bar mitzvah; you can learn, learn a trade and earn bread for the household. [And you will not be a rabbi.] And you will not be a rabbi; you have no talents." [Yes, "You will not be a great rabbi; you have no talents, you have nothing."] And I did not want to listen, and everyone, the whole city, had great, great pity.

"You have become bar mitzvah; you need to do, to learn a trade, to sustain the household." Nu. [So what did you say to them?] I said to them: "I will not learn any trade, under any circumstances in the world." Then... yes, I told this to Rebbe Yisroel. Then he was pleased; I saw that he was very pleased by this. [And more...] Hashem Yisbarach had prepared such a soul for him, one who wants only Torah, always. [So they said to you: "What will happen with the wife? Even with the wife you will not learn?"] Yes, the wife too. Then I said: "Hashem will give me such a wife who, who will also eat bread, bread..." [You said that Hashem would give you such a wife, who would also eat bread and water.] Yes, this, this... I have not yet told it as, as, as... exactly as it was. For it is im-, impossible to depict the battle that I had, that I had over this. [With whom?] And Rebbe Yisroel heard this; I told it. [Ah, the battle with the parents.] The battle with the parents, the family, and all, and all the friends, and the whole city. They all said that I needed to learn a trade. I was not capable of being, being a rosh yeshivah or a rabbi. [Admor, Admor.] Admor, oy, oy, oy. Hey, from this one sees the, the compassion of the Creator Yisbarach. Seventy years ago, when Breslov was... Truly there is no, no, no, no way to describe the magnitude of the lowliness and the... that was upon Breslov. And I stood against lions, against great and renowned men of Torah and yirah, and they all said: "Breslov—no." Rav Motl, Rav Motl... These were great miracles. All the great ones in Teveria and the friends—I prayed with them. And Teveria is a small city, and one was acquainted, and I knew everyone, and they all said: "Breslov, he is Breslov, oy vey, oy..."

["Idolatry."] Yes, and I, Hashem Yisbarach—I merited, through the kindness of Hashem Yisbarach, to taste, to taste the flavor of Breslov. The flavor of hisbodedus, the flavor of the outpouring of the soul. Yes... And I also saw Rebbe Yisroel with my own eyes; I saw what Breslov is. [What did you see? What?] I saw his prayer and his avodah and his Shabbos, his holy words, his desires. How he, what he suffered for me. What did he suffer? He, he came to Teveria and found Yisroel Ber. Then he already forgot that he had a family in Tzfas, and that there was Meron; he cast everything aside, everything. Only Yisroel Ber. Oy vey, what, what, what... what happened—such a story, this, this is special, this is unique. Such a wondrous thing that has no, no equal. [Tell it, tell it.] Oy... […] Nu, it is impossible to tell everything... ...{….}, afterwards we went, we went. He told me he wanted to go to a house, a synagogue. Nu, I went with him to a synagogue, and on the way I spoke with him and told him about my situation, the... yes. And he heard everything, and I wanted to make a verbal confession before him, and he did not want to hear it. He said it was forbidden, that it was forbidden; he, this... Then I went to the synagogue of the Chassidim of... [What is forbidden, what is forbidden?] Ah? [Which words are forbidden?] [A verbal confession, a verbal confession.] [Ah, a verbal confession.] {….} [You wanted to make a confession before him, and he did not allow you.] No, no, only this—no, only in general, not in... not... [I understand.] Yes. [In general.] In general. Then... and I spoke with him and wept before him, because I wanted it very much. And I felt that with him there was healing, healings for me. And that he should not leave me, that he should not, that he should not leave me, that he should not go to Meron.

Then I wept before him and said—I asked him: "Do not leave me." And he heard such a thing, and I saw that he was... [Moved.] So moved, because he saw eye to eye [Through the Providence of Hashem.] that the Providence of Hashem Yisbarach had him come to Teveria. He came to Teveria—straight from the donkey when he got down, straight to my house. And afterwards I went with him to a synagogue, and all the synagogues were closed, and I did not know where the key was. Only one synagogue in Teveria, of the disciples of the Baal Shem Tov, and of the grandfather of our holy Rabbainu, Rav Nachman Horodenker, the Rav Klisker—all the holy tzaddikim built a synagogue beside the lake so that they could immerse in the lake and pray during the day whenever they wanted, so that it would be close to the lake. So they built the synagogue close to the lake. And in winter, when there was much rain, the lake rose and entered this synagogue up to... up to halfway up the tables. The lake was inside the synagogue, and they could not pray there, and this synagogue was open. And the tables and chairs stood in the water until it went down, until... until the month of Nissan. Until the water went down. Then we entered this synagogue. And we climbed onto a table and studied Torah Zayin from Part Two, "For He leads them with compassion." And he studied this Torah with me all night. And I merited this: all the days of my life I had not experienced the flavor of Torah, the flavor of yiras Shamayim, the flavor of... as on this night, when he studied this Torah with me, this holy Torah, "For He leads them with compassion." Hey... We were in the synagogue while the lake was there all night, and I did not feel that... you need to sleep. [He also had candles in the basket.] And he also had candles and matches, which were precious if there was... And he was wealthy, and he had, he had candles, and he lit a candle and studied with me from Likutay Moharan

until close to the light of dawn. Until I heard the sound of my mother's weeping, and she wept greatly, as after someone had died. She wept greatly: "Oy, my son, my son, my son Yisroel Ber, my son Yisroel Ber is lost, lost." And I heard. Then I said to Rebbe Yisroel: "Oy vey, it is already after midnight, after... and my mother is searching, looking for me." Then I left the synagogue and went to my mother, and went to my mother following the sound of her voice; I reached her. And I said to her: "What is this weeping?" Then she said: "What have you done? Where, where did you go all night? At any rate, now you know—all... they have to throw all the dough, all the challah, and all the bread into the refuse." Nu, and from that night a commotion arose in Teveria—that night, that night. ["This night, of all nights."] Yisroel Ber became a Breslover, yes. [Bar mitzvah.] She told... the neighbors from the surrounding area, from the surrounding area, came in the morning: "What was the weeping? What? What? What was it?" [What happened here?] "What happened?" Then she told them: "One man bought bread, and went with him. [All night.] And he disappeared, and did not return all night." And... they did not know who it was, but in the morning, when I went to the synagogue, and Rebbe Yisroel was in the synagogue, and I spoke with him, then they said: "Nu, already, already what was done on this night, this night, was done." Oy, oy, oy, oy, oy. Afterwards, on Sunday, we went to the yeshivah; he studied with me. And we studied Rabbainu's books and Gemara and Shulchan Aruch, poskim. Nu, and they saw—oy vey—"Yisroel Ber, Yisroel Ber became a Breslover; Rebbe Yisroel Kardonner, he..." Nu, a controversy arose against me, a great battle. [Tell everything.]

And the father and the mother and the close relatives and all, and the entire yeshivah and everyone. [What did they do?] Ah? [What did they do? What is a controversy? What? Did they speak? Shout? Hit? What did they do?] Hey, they... it is impossible to depict. [Depict it.] And to imagine. They had, they had great pity. Only, only this they said: "Oy vey, Yisroel Ber became a Breslover, Yisroel Ber became a Breslover." Nu, they went from the yeshivah, they went to the parents, to the father and the mother, and told them: "Do you know? Yisroel Ber became a Breslover." Then Father said: "I am not worried. I know my son; he fulfills the mitzvah of honoring his father. He—even if he sees that I send him into the fire—there is, there is no equal to him. You know him; he is God-fearing and he fulfills the mitzvah of honoring his father. So I... he will come from the yeshivah, and I will tell him that I do not want it, so he certainly will not be a Breslover. I have no worry at all." Then they, they trembled: "You do not know what Breslov is? He will not listen to you; you need a heavy battle." Then he said: "I am not worried. I know my son." I came from the yeshivah, and then Father said to me: "I heard everyone from the yeshivah. Rav Motl and everyone came and said that you became a Breslover. Know, my son, have mercy on me. I do not want you to be a Breslover. I want you to be whatever Chassid you want, but not—only, only not Breslov!" Then I said to him: "Father, I, I—you know, you know me—I, I fulfill the mitzvah of honoring my father. In this I will not, not listen to you." "Ah..." Then he said: "You are right; they said that I do not know what Breslov is. This is the first time in my life, the first time, that I hear that I do not, that... no, do not want to fulfill his word." Oy, oy vey, oy.

What happened then? What happened? What happened? Now it is possible to tell it. The rav, the rav, and Rav Motl, and all, and all, and all the Chassidim, the whole... the whole city. It was already boiling... [Minchah.] Ah, Minchah, Minchah, yoy, yoy... ...I told you that Rav Motl was a great scholar, and he had good character traits. He was humble, and he studied day and night, and he was a wondrous man, a very wonderful man. And he, although I was a child, I had a weak mind, but... [Wait, let us see...] He loved me—I, my innocence and I, and my good desires. He drew me close and raised me: "He raises the poor from the refuse heaps"... ...It is a very wonderful and awesome story, for one who truly pays attention. And so I said: "It is fitting and very important to tell and record everything that passed over me from the day I came to my senses." For it is a continuation, from when I came to my senses until, until I merited to draw close to our holy Rabbainu. It is a matter of continuation; it, it is a story. [One, one—it is one thing.] The story began then. [From childhood.] But it, it continues, and it is a continuation now... Hashem Yisbarach favored me and gave me such a soul that, from the day I came to my senses, when I was still a small child, I had, had—my heart burned greatly for the service of Hashem, and to be... to merit yiras Shamayim and emunah, and that I should merit in all... The main part of my yearning and my desire was to cleanse myself of vanities, of desires, of all the desires of this world—only to serve Hashem. But certainly, when I was a small child, I knew nothing, but the soul, the soul yearned greatly. Although I knew nothing, my desires and my heart—there was, there was burning in my heart only for the service of Hashem, and not, not to engage in work, in any trade or work...

My father was very poor all his days, and afterwards he became blind. And I was still a child, a small child. Oy vey, Master of the World. And I had yearnings to afflict my soul, to fast, from when I was still small. [At what age?] Ah? [At what age?] At what age—seven, eight years old. [You would fast at age seven, eight?] Ah? [You would fast at age seven, eight?] No, only on Erev Rosh Chodesh, or, or Elul, at the time, at the time of the Days of Repentance, Elul. And, for example, on Erev Rosh Chodesh I wanted to fast, and my mother was a very devoted mother. And it was impossible; she had very great sorrow. "What is this with you? You are still a small child. What? You are fasting?" Then I did not {….} listen to her, and I fasted half the day every Rosh Chodesh. But, but in the month of Elul? Erev Rosh Chodesh Elul? The whole day. And I caused my mother great sorrow over this. At any rate, more passed over me... It is known that for every holy matter the Baal Davar grows stronger. I had a very great intensification of the desires of this world on one side, and on the other side I was God-fearing and was disgusted with my life—no, there was, what... I felt great bitterness. {Oy, oy vey zmir.} So I searched for people who feared Hashem, people of truth among the Chassidim who..., among the Chassidim among whom I grew up, because then I knew nothing of our holy Rabbainu. So I searched among... Although I belonged to Karlin Chassidus, I thought: perhaps I will find it in Slonim; perhaps I will find it in some other place. So I am not connected to... I am connected only to Hashem Yisbarach. In the place where I feel, where I see that it acts upon me, that the light of Hashem pervades me.

Yoy. [Rebbe Yisroel, you have regards, greetings.] Ah. [From Rebbe Nachman from Russia.] Ah, Nachman? How? [I met him in...] [Continue, Rebbe Yisroel.] Yes, nu... And I searched among the Chassidim of Karlin and among Slonim and other people. For example, there was, there was in Teveria one man renowned to this day, who was—his name was Rav... Rav Hirsh, Rav Tzvi Litvak Rosenthal, Rav Tzvi Litvak Rosenthal. [Rav Tzvi Litvak Rosenthal.] And he was God-fearing and studied many mussar books. And "Raishis"... and the book Raishis Chochmah he knew by heart, and he studied it constantly, and... [...] {..} studied the book Raishis Chochmah with great diligence. And I searched for a place to guide me, to illuminate within it, to illuminate within me yiras Shamayim and emunah. So I attached myself to him, and he became a rebbe for me without money. He studied Raishis Chochmah with me and spoke with me like this by heart, and there was a great bond between us. [But you were not doing hisbodedus then?] What? [You did not know about hisbodedus and those things?] I saw in the book Raishis Chochmah, and in other {…..}, about the greatness, about the great power of prayer. Certainly I prayed to Hashem Yisbarach, but I knew nothing about the matter of hisbodedus. I only knew that prayer is a very great thing. So I recited many Tehillim, and my prayer— every day, the prayer of, the three daily prayers— I prayed with great kavana and deveykus and yiras Shamayim... In Teveria there was one man among the Chassidim of... no... one man who was an upright person, and... and loved those who feared Hashem. Then he saw my prayer, that it was different from that of all the children. He saw that I prayed with kavana, and deveykus and truth, with innocence.

Then I found favor in his eyes. [What was his name?] Rav Yaakov Kasir. [Rav Yaakov Kasir.] Yaakov Kasir—that was the family name, Kasir. He was a great miser, but he gave to me each time, almost every day; he gave me a coin, a coin... In those days it was an important, important coin. And he gave it to me in the middle of the prayer while I was praying—he brought it to me, gave it to me secretly, so that they would not notice that he had given it to me. Then I was a poor child, and I had a desire, a strong desire, to have a siddur that contained Chatzos and Tehillim and Maamados and all, and all the other prayers. There is such a siddur. But such a siddur cost, cost a great deal of money, and I had no money. So I took those coins that this man gave me, and he gave me each time, and I gathered them and gave them, did not give them to Father, and with them I bought a book, a siddur containing all kinds of prayers in the world: Chatzos and Tehillim and Maamados and all... and many prayers. And it was like great wealth to me; this siddur was precious to me. At any rate, I will shorten until... no... [Nothing—even if it takes a year, I do not mind.] {..} [It is not urgent for anyone, Rebbe Yisroel.] {..} [If one does it, one must do perfect work.] Yes, nu, I, I will begin to tell. [No.] At the time... [No, do not continue. Do not—it is not urgent for anyone; this is not a race. There is time.] Nu, this is already, already included in these words; almost everything is already included. [Not yet.] I had strong desires, and I had heavy battles, and I searched for a place of salvation, and did not... [And after you bought this siddur?] After... [Did you perform Chatzos?] that I bought this siddur... Not every night, but I had strong desires to rise at midnight for Chatzos and recite Tehillim. Sometimes I rose, but I remember that in Teveria the air was very hot.

And all... and the heat was so intense during the day that at night it was also very hot. For the stones became heated by the sun, and there was very great heat. And the entire city slept on the rooftops, on the roof, and I also, also did. But I rose several hours before, before the light of dawn. And I descended from the roof into the house, and our house had no windows, no, no... It was like a cave, and I descended from the roof...