קב

And I stood before him on that last night of his holy life for several consecutive hours — alone — from after midnight until daylight. But I did not merit to hear any conversation from him. And all of this was because I was unwilling to entertain the thought that he would pass away — and I was unwilling to ask him at all what would happen and what would be accomplished — and the like. And I understand now, looking back, that he zichrono livracha greatly desired and longed that we ask him and urge him to arrange certain things for us — and he would have said it to us then. But because of our many sins — from the very abundance of our yearning for him, to the point where we could not bring ourselves to think of his passing — therefore we did not urge him about this as mentioned above. And I stood alone before him on that night. And he gazed and beheld me with his awesome eyes — very greatly. And every gaze of his — each time he looked at me — was like actual speech. And I understand now how much strengthening and how many matters were contained in his gaze at me then. And at every time when something passes over me — Heaven forbid — in general and in particular, and Hashem Blessed be He in His wonders saves me from everything — I understand that it was all hinted in his gaze. For his gaze was as if speaking with me: "Who are you — left here with all the hidden treasures in your possession — and what will become of you? For many will stand against you — and what will a weak person like you do?" — and so on and so on — such and such matters. And yet more than this — what I myself do not know — all of it was hinted in his gaze as he gazed at me very, very intently on that night. And each gaze with which he looked at me then — he dwelt in it for a full consecutive hour.