מב

And behold — close to Erev Rosh Chodesh Menachem Av — I traveled from my home to Uman. And I was there on Erev Rosh Chodesh Av. And from there I traveled to Nikolayev to speak with Rabbi Leib about the press — as mentioned above. And on this journey I did not take with me Rabbi Yehuda Eliezer may his light shine. For at the time I left home — it was not my intention to travel to Eretz Yisroel from Nikolayev. But when I came to Uman — I heard there that our beloved veteran teacher Rabbi Shimon may his light shine was already in Odessa to travel from there to Eretz Yisroel. And that there was a possibility that Rabbi Naftali may his light shine my companion would travel with him together. And I had long known that Rabbi Naftali may his light shine had great yearnings for Eretz Yisroel for a long time. And immediately when I heard this — my heart was inflamed for Eretz Yisroel. And I began to think thoughts — perhaps I would merit to travel with Rabbi Shimon mentioned above together to Eretz Yisroel. And I traveled from Uman to Nikolayev via Tiraovitse. And I arrived for Shabbas Chazon at the holy community of Bafalye. And there new young men drew close to me — and were greatly aroused to Hashem in a great arousal — in the manner of our anshei sh'lomaynu — who are called by the name of Rabbainu zichrono livracha. From there I traveled to Nikolayev and arrived there on Shabbas Nachamu. And I spoke with Rabbi Leib about the press. And I accomplished nothing with him. And he personally gave me only a small sum. And I traveled from there to Odessa. And I was thinking thoughts the entire way — perhaps I would merit to travel from Odessa to Eretz Yisroel. But I had several obstacles in my mind. And also the obstacle of money. And on Wednesday — the fifteenth of Av — I entered Odessa. And before I entered Odessa on that day — a great joy came upon me. And I rejoiced very much. And all my joy was because it appeared to my mind that from here I would travel to Eretz Yisroel. But I was like one prophesying without knowing what he was prophesying. For in truth — through this journey to Odessa I later merited to come to Eretz Yisroel — but not then at that very time.

And I entered Odessa on that Wednesday mentioned above toward evening. And throughout that entire day — Rabbi Shimon had not yet been informed that I had arrived — until the night. And he came to me. And between us there was great joy because of the very great and intense love between us. On Thursday morning — during prayer — Rabbi Shimon came to me and spoke with me after completing the Shemoneh Esrei — while I was still wrapped in tallis and tefillin. And he began to tell me that it was easy for me now to travel with him together to Eretz Yisroel. And he informed me about the way — how to obtain the passport and the entire matter of the journey. And I had great desire to travel. But many obstacles were in my mind. And also I had in my hand only a small sum for expenses — about one hundred rubles. And I answered him that I needed to settle my mind about this. But there was not enough time to settle at great length — for he said the ship would be leaving soon after Shabbas — and one needed to begin dealing with the passport immediately. Even so I asked him to go home. And after completing the prayer I would settle for some hours at least. And then I would give him an answer. And Rabbi Shimon left. And I completed the prayer. And my mind went back and forth. And I could not advise myself. Afterward — my mind was settled to travel to Eretz Yisroel. And afterward Rabbi Shimon was with me and I informed him of my decision. And on that day I sent back the wagon that was with me — with the man Rabbi Leibl from Tiraovitse who had been with me — so that he should return home. And on Thursday I gave two kerblikh advance money to the broker — to obtain the passport for me. And I stayed there over Shabbas. And behold — after Shabbas the thoughts began to greatly greatly confuse me. Until my mind was hanging in the balance. And I could not tip it either way. In the end — two or three days after Shabbas — I abandoned the advance money to its loss. And on Thursday morning I returned to Uman. And I did not travel to Eretz Yisroel then. And regarding the press too — I had accomplished nothing at all then. And my heart was very broken within me. And I returned to Uman in very deflated spirit. And also on the road — on Friday — Erev Shabbas Kodesh — I had a great loss on the road. I was praying on the wagon. And I was very careful that the wheel should not catch the corners of the tallis and tear it — as sometimes happens. And even so — at the end of the prayer — I raised myself up a little within the covered wagon. And there was a great wind. And suddenly the wheel caught the edge of the tallis and it was torn to shreds. And I had very very great anguish from this — to the point of soul-consuming grief — until I cried out and wept greatly because of this.