נג
ימי מוהרנ"ת - Yemei Moharnat
בְּיוֹם שֵׁנִי דְּראשׁ לא נִכְנַס לְהִתְפַּלֵּל עִם הָעוֹלָם יַחַד כְּדַרְכּוֹ תָּמִיד בְּראשׁ הַשָּׁנָה וְכֵן בְּאוֹתוֹ ראשׁ הַשָּׁנָה בְּיּוֹם רִאשׁוֹן הִתְפַּלֵּל עִמָּנוּ יַחַד וְאָכַל עִמָּנוּ עַל שֻׁלְחָן אֶחָד בַּבַּיִת שֶׁבָּחֲרוּ לָזֶה אַךְ בְּיוֹם שֵׁנִי דְּראשׁ הַשָּׁנָה לא נִכְנַס אֲפִלּוּ לְהִתְפַּלֵּל עִמָּנוּ רַק הִתְפַּלֵּל בְּחַדְרוֹ שֶׁהָיָה סָמוּךְ לְשָׁם, וּמִכָּל-שֶׁכֵּן שֶׁלּא אָכַל עִמָּנוּ יַחַד
Afterward in the morning he arose with alacrity and did not wish to speak further with any person, and he traveled in haste immediately. And we — our hearts were still burning to return and satisfy our eyes with seeing his holy face, and to hear more words from his holy mouth. And he traveled quickly from the inn. And I began to run after the wagon — even though it is certainly difficult to catch a wagon with strong horses on foot — even so, I said: come what may, I will run and perhaps Hashem Blessed be He will arrange that I catch the wagon. And so it was: I ran after the wagon for a distance. And then they came to a certain hill and let the wagon down slowly as is customary. And then they crossed some bridge — and there one of the men of our circle had gone ahead and stood there in order to meet Rabbainu zichrono livracha again face to face — for he knew that Rabbainu zichrono livracha would not wish to speak with him at the inn, and therefore he had gone ahead to be there. And because of this Rabbainu zichrono livracha was delayed a little there — and also because of the delays of the hill and the bridge as mentioned. Through this I caught up with them. And I returned and came before the grandeur of his holy holiness zichrono livracha. And my companion Rabbi Naftali — seeing that I was running after him — ran also after me. And he too came before Rabbainu zichrono livracha. And we stood there before him — the three of us.
וְעצֶם חֲלִישׁוּתוֹ בְּכָל אֵלּוּ הַיָּמִים אִי אֶפְשָׁר לְבָאֵר וְאַף עַל פִּי כֵן דִּבֵּר עִם הָעוֹלָם, וְדִבֵּר עִם כָּל אֶחָד וְאֶחָד מַה שֶּׁהָיָה צָרִיךְ, וְכֻלָּם קִבְּלוּ רְשׁוּת מִמֶּנּוּ אַחַר ראשׁ הַשָּׁנָה וְדִבֵּר עִם כָּל אֶחָד הַרְבֵּה כְּדַרְכּוֹ תָּמִיד עַד שֶׁלּא עָלָה עַל דַּעְתָּם שֶׁיִּסְתַּלֵּק בְּסָמוּךְ כִּי אִם הָיָה עוֹלֶה עַל דַּעְתָּם זאת לא הָיוּ נוֹסְעִים מִמֶּנּוּ וַאֲפִלּוּ בְּנוֹתָיו וַחֲתָנוֹ שֶׁיִּחְיוּ כֻּלָּם נָסְעוּ מִשָּׁם אַחַר ראשׁ הַשָּׁנָה כִּי לא עָלָה עַל דַּעְתָּם שֶׁיַּגִּיעַ הִסְתַּלְּקוּתוֹ כָּל כָּךְ מְהֵרָה אַף עַל פִּי שֶׁבֶּאֱמֶת אִם הָיִינוּ מְשִׂימִים לֵב קְצָת הָיִינוּ רוֹאִים בְּעֵינֵינוּ שֶׁהוּא סָמוּךְ מְאד לְהִסְתַּלְּקוּתוֹ וְשֶׁהוּא חַי בְּנֵס בְּכָל רֶגַע וָרֶגַע וְהוּא זִכְרוֹנוֹ לִבְרָכָה בְּעַצְמוֹ הֵעִיר לְבָבֵנוּ פְּעָמִים אֵין מִסְפָּר וְהוֹדִיעַ לָנוּ בְּכַמָּה לְשׁוֹנוֹת שֶׁסָּמוּךְ מְאד שֶׁיִּגְוַע, אַךְ בַּעֲווֹנוֹתֵינוּ הָרַבִּים לא שַׂמְנוּ לִבֵּנוּ לָזֶה וְהָיָה נִדְמֶה בְּעֵינֵינוּ שֶׁאִי אֶפְשָׁר שֶׁהַשֵּׁם יִתְבָּרַךְ יַעֲשֶׂה זאת לִקַּח מֵהָעוֹלָם אוֹר צַח וְכוּ' וְכוּ' כָּזֶה בַּיָּמִים הָאֵלֶּה, וְעַל יְדֵי זֶה אִבַּדְנוּ מַה שֶּׁאִבַּדְנוּ מַה שֶּׁהָיִינוּ יְכוֹלִים לִשְׁמעַ מִמֶּנּוּ עוֹד אַךְ בָּרוּךְ הַשֵּׁם אֲשֶׁר חָמַל עָלֵינוּ בְּחַסְדּוֹ וְזָכִינוּ מִקּדֶם לִשְׁמעַ מִמֶּנּוּ הַרְבֵּה שֶׁיֵּשׁ בּוֹ דַּי לְהַחֲיוֹת כָּל הָעוֹלָם לְדוֹרֵי דוֹרוֹת
He answered and said: "What do you want — shall I bless you, or shall I say Torah to you?" I answered and said: "The blessing — bless us when you return home. But Torah — say it to us now." For I knew that if we did not hear it immediately it would be a permanent irretrievable loss. Therefore I chose that he say Torah. He answered and said: "I will tell you about what I am traveling." And then he revealed to us the awesome secret of the Tzadikim — that each one builds a Mishkan [Tabernacle] — which is connected to the Torah teaching "Azamrah l'Elokai" that I had heard from his holy mouth on Shemini Atzeres past, as printed in [Likutay Moharan §282]. And he concluded: "In truth they have said: the cantor sees where the children are reading." (And still I do not know what connection this has to his journey to Lemberg — only the very smallest hint of an allusion glimmers to me in this.)
וְהִנֵּה הָיָה רָחוֹק מְאד לִכְתּב הַתּוֹרָה הַזּאת מֵחֲמַת שֶׁאֲמָרָהּ בְּקוֹל נָמוּךְ וְהָיָה אָז רַעַשׁ גָּדוֹל וּבִלְבּוּל בִּשְׁעַת אֲמִירַת הַתּוֹרָה מַה שֶׁלּא הָיָה כֵּן בְּשׁוּם תּוֹרָה שֶׁאָמַר בְּחַיָּיו אַךְ אַף עַל פִּי כֵן הַשֵּׁם יִתְבָּרַךְ בְּרַחֲמָיו חִזֵּק אֶת לְבָבִי לָשׂוּם לֵב הֵיטֵב לִדְבָרָיו וְחָזַרְתִּי הַתּוֹרָה עִם הַחֲבֵרִים שֶׁתָּפְסוּ קְצָת וּבִפְרָט עִם רַבִּי דּב שֶׁהָיָה תַּפְסָן נִפְלָא וְסִדַּרְנוּ בֵּינֵינוּ רב הַתּוֹרָה וְכָתַבְתִּי מַה שֶּׁזָּכַרְנוּ וְהֵבֵאתִי לְפָנָיו אַחַר ראשׁ הַשָּׁנָה וְתִקֵּן מַה שֶּׁחִסַּרְנוּ בָּהּ וְגַם חָזַר עִמָּנוּ מַה שֶּׁלּא זָכַרְנוּ כְּלָל עַד שֶׁגָּמַרְתִּי אוֹתָהּ קדֶם יוֹם הַכִּפּוּרִים וְהָיָה רְצוֹנִי לְהַרְאוֹת אוֹתָהּ לְפָנָיו עוֹד הַפַּעַם קדֶם יוֹם הַכִּפּוּרִים וְלָא אִסְתַּיַּע מִלְּתָא גַּם נִכְסַפְתִּי מְאד לְדַבֵּר עִמּוֹ פָּנִים אֶל פָּנִים עַל אוֹדוֹתַי וְלא יָכלְתִּי לְהָעֵז פָּנַי לְדַבֵּר עִמּוֹ מֵחֲמַת גּדֶל חֲלִישׁוּתוֹ וּשְׁאָרֵי מְנִיעוֹת:
And when he concluded the Torah, R.M. — he who had stood there first — received leave from him. And then kissed his hand. And afterward I received leave and kissed his hand. And then my companion Rabbi Naftali after me received leave and kissed his hand. And then he traveled from us on his way to Lemberg. And we ran after him — and all the time that I saw the wagon with my eyes, I ran after it — until it disappeared from my sight. And then I turned back — and I had still not prayed Shacharis. And we were far from the city. And Hashem Blessed be He arranged for us a wagon going to the city. And we returned with it to the city and prayed. Blessed be Hashem who dealt with me in His kindness for eternity, and granted me all of this.
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