נה

And behold, in the middle of the winter — while I was in Mohilov — my companion Rabbi Naftali informed me that R.D. had come from Lemberg — he who had traveled with him zichrono livracha — and reported that Rabbainu zichrono livracha wished to print his book. And that he had spoken about this the entire night. And my companion's desire — may his light shine — was that I travel to Nemirov, and from there travel with him to Lemberg in order to engage in the printing mentioned above. And because of our many sins I could not travel — from the sheer multiplicity of my obstacles from every side. And even though I had already merited to break through many obstacles — nonetheless these obstacles — of traveling such a long distance to Lemberg — I did not merit to break through. But immediately I began to think about the printing matter, and began to arrange a preface and a title page and so on. Afterward it was heard that Rabbainu — Heaven forbid — had passed away in Lemberg. And certainly I had anguish to the point of expiration of the soul. But I understood that this was false. Afterward — before Purim — a wagon came for me from Breslov, that I should travel there to engage in preparing the book — for Rabbainu zichrono livracha had sent a man from Lemberg to print it in this region. And I came here to Breslov for Purim. And it became known to me that Rabbainu zichrono livracha — blessed be Hashem — was alive and well. And we were greatly joyful with the joy of Purim. And I engaged in preparing the book and arranged everything properly. And afterward I returned to my home in the holy community of Mohilov. And the man mentioned above — to whom Rabbainu zichrono livracha had entrusted the book — traveled from here to the holy community of Ostraha and began to engage in printing it.

After Pesach, my father-in-law — the Gaon the Tzaddik — zecher tzaddik livracha — passed away on Monday the nineteenth of Iyar. And I was present at the moment of the departure of his soul. At that time Rabbi Shimon — may his light shine — who had been with Rabbainu zichrono livracha in Lemberg — arrived from there and brought the key which Rabbainu zichrono livracha had entrusted to him — to take the awesome book mentioned above and burn it. And so he did. And he took both books — the two of them being one — that is: one book in Rabbainu's own holy handwriting, and the second book which I had copied before him as mentioned — and burned them both according to his command. And something of this account has already been explained elsewhere [Chayay Moharan §169] — how Rabbainu zichrono livracha commanded it to be burned, and how many tears Rabbainu zichrono livracha shed before the decree to burn it went forth — woe for what is lost and cannot be recovered. For he said that this book would no longer exist in the world. Oh! How much sin causes — for our sins bent this, and our transgressions hid this good from us. May the Omnipresent comfort us speedily. Amen, so may it be His will.

On Erev Pesach of the year 5568 mentioned above my son Yitzchok — may he live — was born. And he was brought into the bris on the seventh day of Pesach. And my father-in-law zichrono livracha had already fallen ill with the illness from which he died as mentioned — and was unable to enter the synagogue to serve as sandak. And I remained in Mohilov also through the festival of Shavuos and somewhat after — until I merited in the parasha of Balak [the Torah portion of Balak] that news reached me that Rabbainu zichrono livracha had already come home safely. And my spirit literally came back to life. May His Name Blessed be He be praised forever and for eternity for all this wondrous and awesome kindness that He did with us and with all the world — that we merited that Rabbainu zichrono livracha returned alive from Lemberg — utterly beyond the way of nature. For the doctors had said it was impossible for him to live more than approximately one month, and it was impossible for him to travel such a distance, and so on. And Hashem Blessed be He performed mighty and wondrous miracles — and he returned home safely. And he lived afterward by miracle for two years and a little more.

And in those years he revived us very greatly — and revealed Torah teachings, conversations, and wondrous and awesome stories that have no parallel. And in his immense weakness without measure during those years — in which he almost expired each and every day — even so, he engaged with us and with all the worlds in wondrous rectifications — even more than at the beginning. For in my understanding, everything that remained of him with us — whatever revelation from the perceptions of his awesome mind remained — all of it was by the power of the acts of those final years. According to my limited understanding from afar — may His Name Blessed be He be praised forever for all this good. And one who sets his heart to his holy words spoken in his holy books and studies them in truth — will understand a little of the full extent of this good and this kindness that we merited to receive from Rabbainu zichrono livracha. And there is no need to elaborate.

And behold — immediately when I merited to hear this good news that Rabbainu zichrono livracha had come home from Lemberg — I hurried myself and traveled immediately here to Breslov. And I came here for a holy Shabbos and merited to receive his holy face. And he was very, very weak — but even so, it was a consolation and a restoration of the soul that he had at least come alive here. And I stayed here with him until after the second Shabbos. And from here I traveled to Nemirov. And behold, Hashem Blessed be He guides circumstances and prepares the steps of a man. And now the time had arrived — in His wondrous mercies — to bring me out of my exile from the holy community of Mohilov and to return me to my home in the holy community of Nemirov — to be near Rabbainu zichrono livracha. And I immediately prepared a dwelling for myself in Nemirov and returned to Mohilov. And now my mother-in-law and my wife — may she live — agreed with strong willingness to return to Nemirov — for several reasons: because my father-in-law zichrono livracha had passed away, and also because she had fallen ill several times in Mohilov. Therefore she was even more eager than I to return to Nemirov. And I left Mohilov after Tisha b'Av and came home to the holy community of Nemirov safely. Blessed be Hashem Blessed be He who helped me until here — to return to my place safely, to be near Rabbainu zichrono livracha. And through this I heard many Torah teachings, conversations, and stories in person from his holy mouth, and wrote them in the book — praise be to G-d.