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ימי מוהרנ"ת - Yemei Moharnat

1

וְהִנֵּה אַחַר כָּךְ כָּל יְמֵי הַחֹרֶף הַזֶּה לא עָלָה עַל דַּעְתִּי לָצֵאת מִנֶּעמִירוֹב וְלִקְבּעַ דִּירָתִי פּה בְּרֶסְלַב וְהָיָה נִדְמֶה שֶׁהִיא מֵהַנִּמְנָע לְקָרֵב עַתָּה אֲנָשִׁים לִדְרָכָיו הַקְּדוֹשִׁים וְכוּ' רַק בְּעַצְמִי חָשַׁבְתִּי מַחֲשָׁבוֹת הַרְבֵּה אֵיךְ לְחַזֵּק עַצְמִי לְהִתְקָרֵב לְהַשֵּׁם יִתְבָּרַךְ עַתָּה גַּם עַתָּה עַל יְדֵי הַתּוֹרוֹת וְהַשִּׂיחוֹת וְהַמַּעֲשִׂיּוֹת וְהָרְמָזִים וְכוּ' שֶׁקִּבַּלְתִּי מִמֶּנּוּ זִכְרוֹנוֹ לִבְרָכָה כִּי יָדַעְתִּי וְהֶאֱמַנְתִּי, שֶׁבְּהַדִּבּוּרִים הָרַבִּים מְאד, שֶׁזָּכִיתִי לִשְׁמעַ מִמֶּנּוּ בַּחַיִּים חַיּוּתוֹ, יֵשׁ בָּהֶם דַּי לְהַחֲיוֹת אוֹתִי תָּמִיד לְהוֹרוֹת לִי הַדֶּרֶךְ גַּם עַתָּה לְאַחַר הִסְתַּלְּקוּתוֹ עַד עוֹלָם, וְכָל מַה שֶּׁעָבַר בְּדַעְתִּי אָז אִי אֶפְשָׁר לְבָאֵר, אֲבָל זֶה לא עָלָה עַל דַּעְתִּי לְבַקֵּשׁ לִי מָקוֹם שֶׁאוּכַל לְדַבֵּר שָׁם מֵרַבֵּנוּ זִכְרוֹנוֹ לִבְרָכָה לְהוֹדִיעַ לִבְנֵי הָאָדָם גְּבוּרוֹתָיו וְכוּ', זֶה לא עָלָה עַל מַחֲשַׁבְתִּי כְּלָל וּבְנֶעמִירוֹב לא הָיָה אֶפְשָׁר לְדַבֵּר מִמֶּנּוּ זִכְרוֹנוֹ לִבְרָכָה כִּי-אִם לִפְנֵי מְעַט אַנְשֵׁי-שְׁלוֹמֵנוּ אֲבָל הָרב הָיוּ מִתְנַגְּדִים וְחוֹלְקִים אַךְ מַה גָּדְלוּ מַעֲשֵׂי ה' מְאד עָמְקוּ מַחְשְׁבוֹתָיו, וְכָל מַה שֶׁנַּעֲשֶׂה בָּעוֹלָם הַכּל בִּשְׁבִילֵנוּ כִּי חַיָּב כָּל אָדָם לוֹמַר בִּשְׁבִילִי נִבְרָא הָעוֹלָם, בִּפְרָט בִּשְׁבִיל הַצַּדִּיק הָאֱמֶת וְהַנִּלְוִים אֵלָיו

1

Afterward I was waiting and hoping that he would tell more. And he did not tell until Leil Shabbas Kodesh the 3rd of Nisan. And then he was in great pain — for his grandson — the child, son of his daughter Moras Adel — may she live — was lying on a sickbed, may the Merciful One protect, and was in great danger. And he zichrono livracha had great pain from this — for his daughter mentioned above had much pain of childrearing: several daughters had already passed away from her, may the Merciful One protect. And he told at the table an awesome Torah teaching about his pain — but I did not merit to grasp it in my mind. And in the midst of the conversation he answered and said: "Where do we stand in the story?" I said: at the story of the third day. He answered and said: "On the third day that one came back again who was a stutterer" — and told the entire story of the third day — which speaks of the two heartbeats of the heart — and so on. (And this was a little connected to the conversation of his pain that he had spoken of earlier.) And he completed the story of the third day. And after he said they became joyful — he said in this language: "Zay hobn a hilule geton." And immediately after — he told the story of the fourth day — about the two birds — and completed the story of the fourth day. And immediately he arose from the table — for he had already made Birchas HaMazon before beginning to tell all of the above.

2

וְהִנֵּה הַתְחָלַת הִתְנוֹצְצוּת הַיְשׁוּעָה שֶׁיִּתְקַיֵּם הַשְׁאָרַת דַּעְתּוֹ הַקְּדוֹשָׁה לְעוֹלָם וְלא יִכְבֶּה נֵרוֹ לְעוֹלָם וָעֶד, הָיָה עַל יְדֵי שֶׁחִזֵּק הַשֵּׁם יִתְבָּרַךְ אֶת דַּעְתִּי לַעֲסֹק בְּהַדְפָּסַת סֵפֶר הַתִּנְיָנָא וְהִנֵּה רִבּוּי הַמְּנִיעוֹת שֶׁהָיָה עַל זֶה לא יַסְפִּיקוּ הֲמוֹן יְרִיעוֹת לְסַפֵּר כִּי לא הָיָה בְּיָדִי אֲפִלּוּ פְּרוּטָה אַחַת וְרב אַנְשֵׁי-שְׁלוֹמֵנוּ הָיוּ עֲנִיִּים וְהֵם מְפֻזָּרִים וּמְפרָדִים בְּכַמָּה עֲיָרוֹת וְלִנְסֹעַ אֲלֵיהֶם לְקַבֵּל מֵהֶם נְדָבוֹת, קָרוֹב שֶׁתִּהְיֶה הַהוֹצָאָה וְהַטִּרְחָא יְתֵרָה עַל הַשֶּׁבַח בִּפְרָט שֶׁלּא הָיָה אֶפְשָׁר לִי לִסַּע בְּעַצְמִי בְּשׁוּם אפֶן, מֵחֲמַת כַּמָּה מְנִיעוֹת, וְלִשְׁלחַ אִישׁ אַחֵר לא יִפְעַל כְּלָל הֵן עַל כָּל אֵלֶּה וְכָאֵלֶּה הָיוּ עוֹמְדִים לְפָנַי הַמְּנִיעוֹת כְּחוֹמוֹת בַּרְזֶל וְדַלְתֵי נְחֹשֶׁת מַמָּשׁ וְיוֹתֵר וְיוֹתֵר, וְלא הָיִיתִי יוֹדֵעַ הַדֶּרֶךְ אֵיךְ לִזְכּוֹת לְהַדְפִּיס סְפָרָיו הַקְּדוֹשִׁים עַתָּה

2

Afterward — on Sunday — he told the story of the fifth day — about the little that contains the great. And on Tuesday — he told the story of the sixth day — about the healing of the king's daughter. And each time the telling was preceded by someone relating to him some matter that bore on it as mentioned. And after he completed the story of the sixth day — some accounts from the world were told before him. He answered and said: "The world speaks of the story of the seventh day — but even so he did not tell it." And we did not merit to hear it anymore. And after Pesach — when I traveled with him to Uman — he said that we would not merit to hear it until Mashiach comes — as printed in its place there. Study there. And after Tuesday mentioned above we sat with him until Shabbas Kodesh — which was Shabbas HaGadol. And he told nothing at all. And on Leil Shabbas HaGadol the child mentioned above — his grandson, son of his daughter — passed away. And what passed concerning his holy children and descendants — it is impossible to explain. And immediately at Motzai Shabbas we traveled to our homes. And before Pesach the men of Teplik were with him again and again asked him whether they should travel to Uman to establish the lodging there as mentioned. And he answered: Yes. During those Pesach days there were several fires here in Breslov. And immediately after Pesach — on Friday, Isru Chag Pesach — we came here, I and my companion Rabbi Naftali. (And also during Chol HaMoed Pesach we were here with R.L., and heard from him wondrous Torah, and so on.) Afterward we came to him on that Isru Chag mentioned above for Shabbas Kodesh. And we were here for Shabbas Kodesh. And immediately after Shabbos I traveled to my home.

3

אַךְ לִהְיוֹת שֶׁכְּבָר חִזֵּק אוֹתָנוּ רַבֵּנוּ זִכְרוֹנוֹ לִבְרָכָה הַרְבֵּה בְּלִי שִׁעוּר, וְלִמְּדָנוּ שֶׁאֵין מְנִיעָה בָּעוֹלָם כְּלָל וְשֶׁהָעִקָּר הוּא הָרָצוֹן וְהַחֵשֶׁק וְהַכִּסּוּפִין וְכוּ' (כַּמְבאָר בְּסִימָן ס"ו וּבְכַמָּה מְקוֹמוֹת עַיֵּן שָׁם), עַל כֵּן חִזַּקְתִּי אֶת רְצוֹנִי וְחָשַׁבְתִּי בָּזֶה מַחֲשָׁבוֹת הַרְבֵּה וְהִכְנַסְתִּי דַּעְתִּי וּמַחֲשַׁבְתִּי בָּזֶה הַרְבֵּה מְאד גַּם סִבֵּב הַשֵּׁם יִתְבָּרַךְ לְטוֹבָה מַה שֶּׁהָיִיתִי אַפּוֹטְרוֹפּוֹס עַל נְכָסָיו כִּי עַל יְדֵי זֶה הָיָה לִי בְּכָל פַּעַם עֲסָקִים פּה בְּרֶסְלַב וְהֻכְרַחְתִּי בְּכָל פַּעַם לִנְסֹעַ לְפה כְּדֵי לִתְבּעַ חוֹבוֹתָיו וּלְדַבֵּר עִם חֲתָנוֹ וְכוּ' מֵעִנְיַן הַנְּסִיעָה לְמֶזְ'בּוּז' שֶׁהִשְׁאִיר שָׁם חֲנוּת וּבַיִת, וְאָחִיו רָצָה לְעַכְּבָם לְעַצְמוֹ וּמֵחֲמַת כָּל זֶה לא נָקְטָה נַפְשִׁי מִנְּסִיעָה לִבְּרֶסְלַב לִמְקוֹם חֲנָיָתוֹ הַקְּדוֹשָׁה כַּאֲשֶׁר הָיִיתִי רָגִיל בִּהְיוֹתוֹ פּה, וְזֶה הָיָה טוֹבָה גְּדוֹלָה לַעֲסָקֵינוּ גַּם בְּכָל עֵת הֱיוֹתִי פּה סִפַּרְתִּי הַרְבֵּה מִתּוֹרוֹתָיו הַקְּדוֹשׁוֹת וְשִׂיחוֹתָיו וְכוּ' וְהִזְכַּרְתִּי הַרְבֵּה אַנְשֵׁי-שְׁלוֹמֵנוּ אֶת גְּדֻלַּת נוֹרְאוֹתָיו וְכוּ', וְכָל זֶה הָיָה סִבּוֹת לְטוֹבָה לְקִיּוּם הַשְׁאָרָתוֹ זִכְרוֹנוֹ לִבְרָכָה:

3

And afterward — on Tuesday — from Hashem it came to be that I returned and traveled here. And I remained until Shabbas Kodesh — which was Rosh Chodesh Iyar. On Leil Shabbas Kodesh he answered and said that he does not know at all — as was his way many times, as something of this is printed elsewhere [Chayay Moharan §175]. In the midst of this there arose the commotion of the fire that was in the street adjacent to his house. And he said in this language: "Shoyn, shoyn" — "Already, already" — for he had already in his mind been prepared for a fire — and had spoken much about it beforehand. And immediately the table was thrown into confusion. And he zichrono livracha went outside in haste. And so did all of us. And that very night his house burned down.

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