עב

And behold — throughout all these days — my mind was confused and bewildered every time about the matter of the journey to Eretz Yisroel. And I could not settle my mind at all — because of the very obstacles of the mind. For there were many confusions in my thoughts — as if it were impossible for me to come there — Heaven forbid. Both because of the obstacles of money and the dangers of the road — because of the heavy warfare of the Greeks (the Greeks) that was being heard then — and because of other obstacles in my mind which weakened my resolve every time — that it was impossible for me to come there — Heaven forbid. And already — in the days of Elul of the year 5580 — a year and a half ago — I had already been in Odessa. And I had already given an advance money in Odessa for a passport. And I had retreated because of such obstacles. But our way was never to abandon the will — as we received from his holy mouth and from his holy books. Therefore — every time the obstacles intensified more against me — and in particular the obstacles of the mind which were the main obstacle — every time they intensified more — I strengthened my will more and more.